CHAPTER 22

I drove to Mandisa's place and parked outside of the garage but didn't get inside. She was pregnant and I didn't want to disturb her much needed rest. I slept in the car but was disturbed by knocking on the window.

"Nkosana what are you doing here, are you okay?" She asked while trying to open the locked door.

I nodded in response and unlocked the car.

"Come inside so you can sleep properly it's 1a.m plus you have work tomorrow." She said and got out of the car to open my door. She ushered me into her house and made me coffee.

"Talk to me." She commanded.

"It's over, I messed up. She deserved to be happier and I had to let her go. I was trying to protect her." I explained.

"By hurting her?"

"I have a past, you of all people know that. I was putting her in danger and I would not forgive myself if anything were to happen to her." I roared.

"Everyone has a past Nkosana but you're not letting the past stay in the past." She tried to reason

"It isn't the past anymore." I said and confusion carved her features. "I'm back in the game." And she hung her head in disappointment "It wasn't a choice, they were toying with my siblings and I could not let that happen." I added.

"Tell her everything."

"No"

"You love her don't you?"

"My patience is running out." I warned.

She stood up and announced that she was going back to sleep. I went to the guest room and closed my eyes. I didn't sleep but atleast I pretended to.

****

At work I wasn't exactly quiet, just really distracted to the point where it was concerning. I told my colleagues about my troubles and most of them advised me to tell her the truth. I didn't really go into detail about my past but Skhumbuzo knew better.

I hated how everyone said the same damn thing. I didn't know how it would sound telling her. I love her I really do but I didn't trust her, in this life no one could be trusted.

For a whole week I wanted to call her. I deleted her number even though it didn't make a difference since I knew her number by heart. But it was a good step towards to moving on, right?

My heart could not and would not listen to any instruction given.  It was the 24th of May which meant it was her birthday. That being the reason why I bought her a bouquet of roses with each rose wrapped with  hundred Rand notes. I personally requested Vuks to deliver it to her workplace. After work I would go to her apartment and leave  a box filled with her favourite snacks and a small cake.

I was dumb I know but hey, shoot me. After I was done with work I went to Mandisa's place to fetch what she had packed in the box for Zama. I wrote a small note to her that read 'I love you more than anything and I'm sorry' with my initials at the bottom.

I drove to Zama's place and knocked twice before leaving. I didn't want her to see me and I didn't want to see her either. I knew my body would probably disobey me and end up kissing her instead.

I went back home and opened my rarely used whiskey bottle. I felt overwhelmed and so I chose to drown myself in alcohol. I was never one to find solutions at the bottom of one's glass but I was desperate. I locked the door and made sure the house was secure and went to my room with a bottle of whiskey.

I don't quite recall what had happened while I was drunk. I don't remember falling asleep either but I did. When I woke up I saw a message from Zama and realised that my the that Zama's  number was at the top of my recent calls. Shittity shit, shit. I viewed the message and it read

'You  may not remember that you called me but atleast I now know that this isn't on either one of us but I really want to know why you're doing this. I know for a fact that you still love me but here we are broken because of your past. Please call me back. I don't care about your past, I love you.'

I didn't reply to her messages or call her back. It may have seemed selfish but I was trying to help the both us. We both would not move on if we kept tabs on one another.

****

Five dreadful days. Five dreadful and tiresome days, that's how long it took for me to convince myself to stop looking at her pictures before I slept. I couldn't bring myself to delete them. In my defence, I tried, when I did delete them I would restore  them five minutes later.

I had changed shifts and was then doing night shift meaning more time to wallow in my pain. I tried not to dwell on it though, I tried to busy myself by checking on all my businesses and my rentals. I even went baby shopping with Mandisa again and I actually paid attention to whatever she was saying. My mind usually switches off when she is telling me about people I don't know and then she tries to jog my memory and I pretend I remember. Every man does that.

I was at my brothers' house, for the first time, helping myself with their food. I fried eggs, polony, fish fingers you name it. My breakfast time was twelf o'clock because of night shift. I barely had time to make myself something to eat when I came back from work. Mseki had gone to an interview which he had recieved by pulling a few strings. I missed my brothers in days like those. My phone echoed in the silent house but I was not hurrying to look for it. Whoever was calling would call again if it was important. It rang again and when I found it I saw Vuks's name on the caller ID. I was a bit reluctant to answer because I knew very well the conversation we were going to have would somehow dive into me getting back with Zama.

"Yeyi, wena why aren't you answering your phone?" He said with anger evident on his voice.(hey you)

"What do you want Vuks, I'm eating."

"You will find  something to eat some other time, hamba uyobona intombi yakho–"  he said but I disconnected the call before I could listen to his crappy jokes again.(go see your woman)

I recieved a message from him a few seconds later which read.

'Go to Gateway hospital and go see your woman. She was hijacked.'

'news travels'

For a few minutes my heart stopped beating and my brain stopped functioning. Questions flooded my mind and I was later filled with pure rage. Who the hell did this? I wanted to call Vuks again to check if he was lying or not but I know Vuks. He would  not lie about something this crucial piece of information.

I didn't finish my food, I didn't think I could stomach anything at that point. I rushed to my car and checked if all of my guns were filled with bullets. Someone was begging for death and I was more than happy to grant their wish. I carelessly sped to Gateway hospital, not caring whether the traffic light was red, green or orange.

I recklessly parked my car and grabbed a gun. Just in case. I sped to the reception only to find her busy with her phone. Whoever was calling her really tickling her. She didn't notice me standing behind her until I cleared my throat. Embarrassment flushed her face as she immediately disconnected the call and apologised.

"Good morni–"

"Zama Cele" I interrupted her unneeded formality. She looked annoyed and continuously rolled her eyes.

Little did she know I had a gun on me and I was not afraid of using it.

"How are you related to her, sir?" She inquired.

"Fiance." I effortlessly lied through my teeth. She nodded her head and gave me a paper to sign and told me where I could find her. I ran up the stairs, taking two at a time, to avoid the agonising wait of the elevator. I covered  six flights of stairs and had one more to go. By the time I was done I felt like I needed to admit  myself at the place as well. I walked to her ward whole trying to catch my breath.

I had all sorts of scenarios running through my head but one thing was for sure. Whoever called for the hijack would be dead by the end of the day. I paced around when I was a few metres away not sure if she would appreciate me being there. I calmed myself and made sure that no evidence of panic was present on my facial features.

I walked in, devoid of any emotion. I leaned against the door frame and studied her. She sat up straight while she fiddled with her hands. The room was a circus, three men were shouting at one another while the one who stood in the middle held a gun. I assumed they were all her brothers from the way they all looked alike as well as the similar coloured eyes.

"You're okay." I voiced which silenced the room immediately.

"And then ubani lona?" When questioned. He was the tallest who stood at the left and carried a plastic bag with him.(who is this)

"Nkosana." She replied and simply stared at me. The scowl drawn on her face could not be missed. I was right, she did not appreciate me being there but I could not help myself. Maybe the hijack was to scare me, maybe my past was haunting me through her.

"What happened, who did this?" I asked with a calm tone that surprised me even. I was not panicked by then I was just filled with rage. The presence of her brothers did not bother me at all.

"I was hijacked with my sister and I don't know." She spat with venom while she faced the wall in front of her. She had her jaws clenched and I could see tears pooling her eyes. "What are you doing here?" She added after a moment of silence.

"When and where did this happen?" I ignored her question and slid me hands in pockets of my pants.

"At about ten o'clock around N2 on our way to Empangeni. We were going to see our aunt." She further explained. I nodded in understanding. "You haven't answered my ques–" she continued but I left the ward before she could finish whatever she wanted to say.

I fished my phone out of my left pocket and dialled Vuks's number. He answered immediately.

"Ufunani?" (What do you want)

"N2 on your way to Empangeni around ten o'clock. Get their number plate, locate them and who they work for. I need this by the end of the day. They are begging me to kill them." I said calmly with one hand on my ear and the other massaging the bridge on my nose. I cut the call afterwards not wanting to know his response to what I had ordered him to do.

"Who are you and which hole did you crawl out of." The one with the gun asked as he pointed his gun at me.

He looked moderately angry and that did not spike one hair on my body. He noticed how uneffected I was by the sight of his gun. He came closer with the gun still pointed at me in attempt to frighten me. Little did he know I was no ordinary man, guns did not scare me. I have worked with guns for almost a decade of my life.

"Who are you and what are you to my sister?" He interrogated.

"Zamani relax, we'll kill him later. For now, let's just focus on your wife and Zama." The darkest one reasoned. He looked the a silent but deadly type of person. We were alike in that way.

Zamani turned around and started arguing with his brother to let him kill me. Zamani looked like the irrational type who always needed to be shouted at before he understood that what he was doing is wrong.

"Wena boy leave before I actually let him kill you." He warned.(you)

Did he just call me boy?

"And then? Yini lento futhi ifunani lana?" One asked, who had just entered the scene. He was  not present in Zama's ward but looked irrated as hell. As soon as his eyes landed on my anger grew in them. He recognised me from somewhere. (What is this and what is it doing here)

I knew him but I wasn't sure if he remembered me. He was a part of my past that I wished to forget. That was bad, really fucking bad.

"I know you from somewhere, who are you?" He also joined with the endless questions.

I did not answer him and looked at all of them indifferently. There were then look alikes that stood infront of me with puzzled looks on their faces.

"Cele, again. Okwesingaki?" Someone spoke which caused irritation on every one of their faces. (For the what time)

They all turned around to look at the person who had spoken.

"Wena Zamani I'll arrest you with that damn gun out in a hospital. A public space for that matter." The person reprimanded. I recognised the voice but could not put a finger on it.

I shifted to my left to get a proper view of the person.

"Phakama?"

"Bhuti?"

There he stood with his uniform that fitted him perfectly and his head held up with pride. He is my childhood friend's younger brother who I had taken care of when their brother had died. I paid for his tuition along with his twin brother.

Small world huh.

"What are you doing here?" He curiously asked. "With them?" He said  distastefuly.

"They are the brothers of someone I know who is admitted here." I informed and made sure to not give out too much information. I noticed how my answer peaked everyone's interest. Phakama gave me the 'we will talk later' nod.

"Cele, one more mistake and you're all behind bars I promise you." He said before coming towards me. "Bhuti omdala." He said.

"I'm sorry for not wishing you happy birthday but here." I said while taking my phone out and sending R16 000 to his account. Share it with your brother and I'll make sure to make it up to you." I said as I watched his smile grow with every growing second.

The Celes stared at us with their puzzled faces while they tried to decipher what connected Phakama and I. Phakama left afterwards and promised to call me later on the day.

I left the hospital and went back home to rest before going to work. I fell back into my usual routine before going to work. Work was indifferent to any other day. I really didn't do well with paying attention to what is being said at work while I'm stressed and similarly that day I was far away from reality.

As soon as work was finished I drove straight to Gateway hospital. By the time I arrived it was already quarter to eight.  I signed my name and went straight to her ward.

"Zama" I called while I toward over her sleeping self.

She shifted on the tiny bed of hers but she didn't wake up. I placed my hand on her shoulder and gently carressd it. I bent down until my lips brushed against her earlobe.

"Wake up, maCele" I whispered to her.

She woke  up and turned her head around to look at me. I still had not moved from my previous position. Our noses brushed against one another. I stared into her tired eyes and hers stared back and frequently darted to my lips.

"Why are you here?"

"Get up, we're leaving." I said with my lips brushing against her skin.

I blinked away the trance my brain had momentarily succumbed to and went to fill in a few firms for her to be discharged. I lied to the doctor about her being my fiancé and he believed me.

I waited outside Zama's ward until she was finished and ready to leave. When she was done we walked side by side to the car with no words being said. I opened the door for her and by the time I got into the car, she had eyes pooled with tears with her arms folded over her chest.

I had little energy to attend to her tantrums so I just started the ignition and drove to her apartment.

"Where are you taking me?"

"Your place"

"Why? It's not like I asked you to"

"Zama, if you have nothing better to say shutting your mouth is also an option." I said calmly but my tight grip on the steering wheel betrayed the emotions I desperately tried to hide. "If you're feeling sleepy you might as well just sleep. You look tired." I added after the loud silence.

"As if you care" she scoffed and turned to glare at me and facing the window again, "at this point I'm starting to wonder if you ever loved me as much as you say did or you just found enjoyment in wasting my time." She jabbed.

I wanted to stop the car and simply just glare at her until she tamed herself. I don't know if those brothers if hers gave her the balls to say such things but I wasn't having it. I was okay with her speaking her mind out but not like that. How could she question my love for her? I took a deep breath and tried to understand where she was coming from. I tried to see things in her perspective to avoid any further arguments.

"Zama when you love someone what do you do for them?" I questioned with every word filled with pure hostility.

"You care for them, you love them and you always protect them" she answered.

"When we ended things what was my reason.?"

"To protect me" she answered yet again.

"Kodwa Zama here you are doubting my love for you. Imayelana nani lento oyenzayo Zamagcina. Hmm?" I asked while I drove into her apartment complex.(what is the reason for what you are doing)

I was tired. Fighting was the last thing on my mind and I just needed sleep. At that point I just regretted fetching her. Zama knew her way around making me feel guilty. Soft sniffs filled the silence that had bombarded the air around us and I tried by all means to control my hands so they wouldn't wipe her tears away. I parked the car and got out to open her door for her. I helped her out of the car.

She tried by all means to avoid my scrutinizing gaze by  focusing all of her attention onto the floor.

"Are you okay?" I asked while I brushed the sides of her arms. She nodded  in response even though she knew she was lying and that I knew she was lying. I pulled her into a hug to let her cry on my chest.

After a few seconds of holding her she finally let herself go and fully allowed herself to cry. I whispered sweet nothings to her ear. I promised her that everything was going to be okay even when I wasn't sure it was. I promised to never leave her again when I knew I would do the exact thing in a few hours. I wanted to stay but I was too scared to lose and so I decided against it. I wanted to be selfish though, to prove to the universe that not every person I loved packed their bags to leave. I held her tighter, hoping to cure my own problems with her warm embrace.

I placed my palms on her cheeks so to cup her face. She had her face soaked in tears.

"It hurts me to see you like this sthandwa sami, please believe me when I say I'm only doing this to protect you." I tried to reason.

"Are we back together" I asked hopefully.

"Go get some rest" I dismissed and the disappointment that settled on her face tugged at my heart.

She let go of me and turned on her heel to leave but my indecisive brain could not let her leave. I grabbed her arm and pulled her towards me. As a result, her body collided with mine but I ignored the impact and pulled her into a kiss. She desperately wanted me to be selfish, to not care about the consequences and for once I would just listen. If that was what she wanted then so be it.

Our lips communicated something incommunicable, unsaid words and promises we were afraid to say. Kissing her was indescribable in the most majestic sort of way. Like being right in the middle of the universe during a planetary nebula. I grabbed onto her, never wanting to let go. As soon as she pulled away to catch her breathe my skin itched. In dire need to have her skin against mine.

"Go get some rest, I'll call you before I go to work." I commanded with my forehead against hers. I planted one last kiss on her lips before I watched her walk away to her apartment.

Author's note

Hi guys firstly I would to thank each and every person who is reading. Thank you for supporting my passion for writing and loving my wild imagination. I know Nkosana broke your hearts but I think he is slowly going to redeem himself. Before I carry on I will put the Cele family tree because you will be seeing alot of Zama's family members in the next few chapters

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Love you❤️