chapter 59

[ Aru's p.o.v ]      She left and I slammed the door shut behind her locking it just in case. I walked over to my room slamming that door as well. I plopped on the bed closing my eyes . But all I could see was her face. The way she laughed , the way she smiled , the way she looked at him in those pics. Why? Why would they bother me ? I took a pillow using it to muffle my thoughts if it was even possible in practical.    She deserved it. I didn't do anything wrong. She went beyond limits to do that. How dare she intrude into my house and force herself on me. She knew I was mad at her. She knew I was angry , she knew I was jealous - somehow I felt that emotion bitter. I wasn't. Atleast I don't believe I was .      If I engaged myself elsewhere maybe she could stop bothering me, maybe her thoughts won't be that disturbing. I randomly picked up books and started studying the topics I hated. Atleast I would have something better to be mad about.     The hours were suddenly longer and everyone weirdly noisy. They weren't, it was regular routine if you look at it but even the chirping by the window annoyed me. Was I suddenly too sensitive to sound? I don't know. I felt disturbed. I should probably not do this anymore. I kept the books aside and picked up my phone.     I wasn't meaning to check her chat but as a matter of habit my fingers clicked on WhatsApp. And hers was the only unread chat I had after all those groups I never bothered checking messages from.  I don't have to reply to these now , right? I closed it back switching over other apps. I don't usually leave anyone on seen but there's no point in talking about this . She already came over and did the drama what more?       " You okay there or are you having short circuits in that little head of yours?" , granny asked me and I looked at her confused. " You look like you'd order my mouth stitched if I say more. " ,she joked but I definitely must look terrible now.  I didn't realise how tensed my muscles were until I tried to relax. I shouldn't be bothered by her, I shouldn't be bothered by all this. It was her fault and I did what I did.      Days passed on from then with us barely ever looking at each other. At first that didn't bother me , the anger I held would make me feel better about having cut her off , unless , it didn't anymore. I felt it fade , taking away all the courage it had build up . At first I would walk past her confidently as if she never existed and now that I try, I change routes. I convinced myself that's because I don't want to be anywhere near her not that I feel a weird kind of burden everytime I know we are in the same space.     The feelings I have been having about all this gradually weakened over as the semester came over to the end. It would be the vacations right after the finals. I didn't notice them not until the last paper, not until the pressure of exam and the lined up submissions taking up most of my stress.      Now that I thought of her there was another kind of emptiness that took up the space. It would make me want to burst into tears. I don't understand what. Everytime we crossed paths and if accidentally our eyes she won't hold the gaze nor look away abruptly. She didn't treat me wrong , but somehow it felt wrong. Like I wanted her to have some feelings towards. Even if it meant resentment. She could have given me death glares. Maybe tried to make my life hell, she didn't. She simply didn't bother me. We were now just two strangers and what was worse that she didn't even make efforts to avoid me leave alone making upto me. It was just me stealing glances at her , hoping to see her but then changing paths the moment I saw her. I don't even know anymore what I want.       The board year escalated more quickly than I thought. Our batches now separated not by labs but days . We were in same class but it felt like we weren't, never saw their batch except a few practicals which had labs on same floor. Weird I know. I was grateful for it , until sometime, until I realised that less I saw her the more I wanted to. I didn't want a full fledge meeting or conversation but randomly hearing her voice itself lit sparks in me. I would recognise her at distance from just her hairs , bag and dress.     The days when I had to go to college were the once I looked forward to as well as dreaded the most. I would get to see her, I didn't want to be reminded of her. This was an important year for me. It deserved my entire attention. Still , she somehow disturbed me , without even doing anything.       I pushed her thoughts to back of my mind until last of my board papers. Until we walked out of the centre. Yes , we . She sat right behind me and somehow that was different kind of pressure. Everytime she'd accidentally place her legs on the front and me behind and accidentally they touched, the way she'd appologise and take them back. Until ends of paper when we just synced into not bothering about it. She wasn't avoiding me , nor was she flirting me like before. She , just was. I don't know what! She handed me my bag as she picked up her own. She didn't have to, yet she did. She didn't say anything. " Thanks .", I mumbled. It was the first word I had said to her ever since that day she stormed out of my house. She didn't respond but she didn't walk away either. It's been routine.     To my luck, which I haven't classified good or bad only we two shared the center . My other two peeps had been stationed away, and her friends, I don't know , I see them at start of paper coming from other divisions to talk to her and then she walks back with me. We don't chat, we don't hold hands, we don't look at each other, we just walk. It was same today. We only walked. I don't know why it burdened me , the distance from exam hall to the gate. I wanted it to increase, I have grown to like these butterflies in my stomach. But it ended.     I saw our dads waiting. We would separate here, nothing to look forward to. She'd be gone, forever, like she said. No. I didn't want that. But it was what it was. There was nothing I could look at now, no practicals, no exams no board papers . Somehow I didn't want this to end but it did. I looked at her , there was a lot I wanted to say, but the words were too heavy. Too heavy that they summarised into one , " Bye."       She smiled , she replied , " Bye." But it was bitter. Not bitter than mine, or I don't know. I was too engrossed in the attempt of holding back. I didn't wait much. I walked to my dad. I know I want to get away from this. It ended here. Or so I thought,     It didn't. The holidays were worse. Nothing to occupy me only meant her thoughts took the reigns . They'd  take me through the chaos of emotions as they shifted from anger, jealousy to understanding, to longing to pain,      Worst, regret. The last look she gave me before storming out of my door left me numb. The way her eyes sank , there was no emotion in them for me. No anger , no teasing looks she gave, not her offended gaze either. The pain, did it go that deep to numb all the emotions? Wasn't it what I wished she'd feel. That she'd pay for hurting me. I never wished for it, but deep down I wanted her to realise my pain but not that I wanted her to feel it. Or did I? Did I do this myself? I woke up and sat straight trying to calm my racing heart.      These have been my nights now, my own words haunting me. Her numb eyes staring at me, they dug holes in my heart perhaps seeking an explanation. I won't say revenge, she never seemed to want one from me but the way those eyes demanded an explanation. The way they waited for me to confess. As if she knew. She knew my feelings before me. Was it? Did I know too? Was I just not willing to accept them? Did I make a mistake?     Everytime I think to it, I feel my heart beat rise. The memories clashing against me as if cornering me to surrender, to accept , accept my own feelings. Am I running away from something I should be running to ? I won't know. I could feel her walk upto me , caging me in her arms. Her hands on my waist, the lips pressed against mine , persuading me to give in. Accept that I lost to her, that I should -    "What the hell is wrong with me!?", I blurted out exhaling sharply. I tapped my cheeks trying to get those thoughts away. Why do I keep thinking of the kis -    " Exactly what is wrong with you? " , mom' s voice almost startled me. How long had she been staring at me? Did I do something stupid when I zoned out? Did I take her name? Did I speak out loud ? Did I-    " I don't really understand what is so interesting to you watching that dusty table fan move and not come with me to the wedding!"     I relaxed at that statement. " Just go. I don't even know anyone there."   " Don't be ridiculous! Nor do I! It's your dad's friend 's wedding so I don't either. You can keep me company .", she gave me her ' you are coming even if you don't want to' look.    " No, I don't want to."    " Even granny ain't at home today. And I don't want to leave you alone."   " Afraid I might burn your house down?"      " Exactly. So now get up and go get ready ."     " No. I don't want . What do you expect me to do there?"    " What you do at other weddings. Eat ." I sighed in defeat. Not like I have better options. Maybe this can help me atleast distract my mind for a while. I can get over her thoughts.    " Dad said it's office friend, so you can ask your friend Vibhavari if she's coming,I mean her dad will be there so, you'll have company?"     And I thought of getting my mind out of her thoughts. Great. I just passed her a forced smile.       " That's my good girl. Get ready quick. ", she said as she closed the door behind her. I can't believe her.      I combed my hairs , staring at my reflection. I had been so delusional that I could feel her hands wrap around my waist, as she rested her chin on my shoulder back hugging me. These were just thoughts, yet I found myself submitting to them turning around as she made me. Stepping back as she advanced, caging me between her and mirror as she leaned closer .    " Are you done yet?"    And I flinched. It wasn't reality. My breathing was rapid and my heart would pump out of my rib cage. I need to stop. If the thoughts of her did this to me , how am I going to face her? Put on act in front of family to be all normal? How do I do that. I hope she won't show up. Yet I want her there. Even if it means I just get a glimpse , I want that. -------------------------------------------------So hey guys ,I would like to know your views on the story and especially how would you like it to proceed. I have created a post already but incase you haven't received it. So I was thinking of giving it a time skip after one more part and I am not sure how would you guys like it. So here are a few tropes I thought of :1. University love , bully trope. ( Don't worry she ain't turning into a baddie or anything we are just having sweet bullying and teasing. )2. University love, romance . ( Nothing much just awkwardness, clearing misunderstanding, romance and fluff)3. Boss employee, office romance. ( Straight up time skip to getting them a job and you know how it goes , I guess you can even predict the plot here. )4. Arranged marriage, after marriage romance. ( So basically married life ? ) 5. Incomplete love story. ( Get them married to someone else and make everyone cry . The ones they loved never got them and the ones who got them never got the love. All emo and stuff) 5. Just kill them and end it ( Yes all the misunderstanding and emo drama, maybe suicide? )Please feel free to suggest if you have anything else you want. I will be looking forward to your views. Thank you. Happy reading.