chapter 61

[ Vibha ' p.o.v]     Time had almost narrowed down to crawling for me ever since the incident. Her words kept coming back everytime pushing me to the edge of emotions. I would burst out crying everytime they did. I can't help. If it were anyone else , perhaps it wouldn't have bothered me . But when she said it, the look of disgust she had for me, it destroyed every last hope I had. I destroyed it for us. I should have never pushed past the limits , I went overboard, I was way too pushy and now here I am . A total stranger to someone I wished to devote my entire love to .       We have been crossing paths and I had to keep my face blank just incase I don't look like a desperate lovesick idiot begging for someone who doesn't even want to be friends with me now. She used to avoid me initially and then totally. She would change paths, pretend I didn't exist . I hated it so much. I have did my best to not seem bothersome but maybe , I made her so uncomfortable that she doesn't even want to remember me, to know me.  She wants nothing to do with me.    But the little hope I had , it never died down. She would keep looking at me until I look up and she'd look away. Does she still care? Perhaps she wants to be friends? Just friends? But can I do that for her? I won't? I would mess it up again. I just let her be. If she wants to stare at me , she has all the rights to. I would let her stare at , hear my voice and whatever pleases her ; heck she can even walk upto me and slap me and vent it out and I'd still love her the same.  I post often since I know she stalks me. Yes , I know everything she does , I just never show it incase I embarass her and loose the last string we have.       I have noticed her eyes yearning for me throughout the last days of exams we shared. She does have feelings for me , perhaps I overwhelmed her. Dad was right, if only I was patient and took it slowly , maybe I wouldn't have had us messed up. Do I still have a chance though?     It was an uncle's wedding and I sat with my friends, yes they do know about her. Heck everyone knows about my love except my love who knows but won't accept me. They had been blabbering about romantic scenes in weddings I can have like her dupatta getting caught in my watch, her tripping and falling in my arms, we bumping into each other and flowers falling from top and what not .     I had dismissed them as stupids unless that idiot Karan actually ran over when he saw her and picked her dupatta which was dusting the venue and entangled it to my bracelet. Either his moves were too sneaky or she was too busy that she didn't notice it until she felt a tug. I swear my heart skipped a beat when she turned around.           If she looks so beautiful dressed up for some random occasion; I can't even imagine the beauty I'd get to witness on our wedding. She'd have me on my knees staring at her throughout the ceremony. I can actually picture us taking  Pheras around the fire. Her shyly holding onto my hand as I guide her around while she struggles with her beautiful saree. She'd be looking so gorgeous and I could already hear mangalashtka in background.      She was way too clumsy in trying to get it off that I could feel she'd just tear it if she looses her patience. I took over and all she did was stare at me. Oh god, the pressure I felt from that stare. Like I wanted her to look at me , notice me , talk to me but now when she actually is standing in front of me why am I nervous . If only this friend of mine hadn't interrupted she wouldn't have got a chance to escape. I had to find her all the way again.     Getting her food was an excuse. I can tell she was really confused. I mean you don't go around slapping people and then recieving princess treatment from them. This ain't even that though, this is the bare minimum I should be doing for my love. I even talked to my mother in law as if I wasn't already freaking out about what would be her reaction. Perhaps Aru never mentioned about what happened to her family. This somehow felt bad, I felt as if I had wronged her. I mean I have.  I shouldn't have gone that far . It was difficult to not burst into tears right there in front of her. I didn't want to create a scene here not atleast when she just wanted to avoid it all.     If only this was any less difficult she threw me off the cliff when she used her hanky to wipe my mouth. Oh god , I literally felt my soul leave my body to do a ballet dance of joy.     I can picture us together, married and her taking care of my little things , like fixing my shirt button, wiping my mouth, adjusting my hairs and damn that sweet romance . My heart was  racing so bad and I must have shown it in my eyes because everything suddenly turned awkward and she found herself an escape. Oh damn Vibha! You really do need to ruin everything for yourself, don't you?      I had been looking around for her but she was with her family. I don't want to disturb her . Ughh ! I should have never done this. " You never learn Vibha now do you?" , Karan voiced out my thoughts as if that's what he had been doing all this life , studying me. " Yeah- . Wait- what? " " Come on. I can tell you have done this so many times before that now you ain't even surprised or scared of  what you did , just disappointed. "" Stop analysing people. Someone's going to think you are a creep pyscho stalker!"  He laughed it away .      We are close enough for me to drop formalities despite his age. He is my cousin and the person who knows every detail of me and Aru. Yes, I even told him about the kiss and his first reaction was be happy she didn't sue you or something. And then proceeded to tell that maybe she liked it as well and I should try it again but with her consent. So basically he says that she loves me but I am too much for her, I overwhelm her and I should perhaps calm down a bit. Take things slow and sweet.      I feel so too , but I just can't when I around her. It's as if every cell of my body has pledged to disobey me. Even now I had decided to not make it anymore awkward for us , restore the friendship and slowly slowly take it from friends to girlfriend to making her my wife . But damn it, my reaction was enough to scare her away. Now what do I do? And now she's being a meanie. Won't even come to say bye while leaving. Tomorrow would be the last time I'd get to see her, if only she comes herself to collect her leaving certificate. And the very thought of it is killing me. I could have - I should have sorted it out today. And now I have perhaps lost her for worse. Oh god! Why Vibha why!? [ Aru's p.o.v ]        As soon as I got home I threw myself on bed thrashing my legs on it. Vibhaaaaaaa. Oh god this girl would be the death of me.       All those scenes kept playing in my head , my dupatta getting stuck in her bracelet as if we were in some romance trope movie playing main leads, right in someone else's wedding. If it weren't enough she had to feed me and then act on about as if it were nothing, giving me those cold lead whom you are arranged married to who hates affection but still care for you vibes and then I myself embarrassed me. I put pillow on my face trying to scream in it? Hide myself ? perhaps suffocate myself to death?  I don't know.      My thoughts ran so wild again that I could feel her hands snake around my waist pulling me closer making me turn around. A hand pulling the pillow off my face. There was no one in the room, I knew it was all in my head but still every nerve in my body compiled to it. I used my hands instead to hide my face and I could already feel her breath on my ear.      " You don't have to hide from your girlfriend you know? Come on . Let me see that cute face. "  , her voice , her breath, her touch , everything about her as if passed an electric current through me. It wasn't even her, just her thoughts, just me being delusional and it already had this effect on me; only if I had said yes back then , would have I had it for real? Do I still have a chance? Can I atleast make it to being her friend again? Would I even be able to look at her as a friend again with all these thoughts - Ughhh! Why are you  doing this to me Vibha?     The thought haunted me in what ifs all night until I had to drag my half drowsy body to the college next in its wide awake highetened senses on lookout for certain someone. Yes , her , one last glance, perhaps a talk, perhaps more? I am not expecting anything, I shouldn't, yet I want a lot to happen, miracle? Something that'd make us close? Something that'd bring us back together, back to us, back to how we were . It won't happen. Not after what I did to her but the way she treated me at the wedding, what if, perhaps, maybe. I don't know.      I stood in line until I felt someone stand behind me, slightly towering me . I haven't even turned around but I could already tell it was her. I would tell it's her even from her shadow, her presence, even the way my body tenses up when she's around. I showed my marksheet and took the document. I couldn't think of anything straight , not the staff congratulating me for my percentage nor their questions about my further studies. I only mumbled an ' haven't decided ' and shifted aside.      I tried to leave but felt her hand grip my arm. I froze. Really froze. "Pen." , I quietly handed her mine. That's all she wanted. Just pen. Why did that pen give me so much pain? I walked out waiting in between the passage of the campus and the basketball court. She'd take this way , if only she isn't weird enough to go circle round the campus through the arts department and go out through the highway gate.        She came , walked over to me and offered a smile. " Thanks ." , she handed me my pen back. We walked besides each other no words exchanged. The weight of separation made my feets heavier. It wasn't a distance you'd take forever to cover but to me , I wanted it to last longer, a bit more , if that's what it was. I don't know. She'd be gone after this, into her own life , own people, to find herself someone special, someone she'd spend her life with, cherish them, care for them, tease them , love them and that won't be me. I would just be a bitter memory, someone who just destroyed her belief in love and romance, someone who hurt her , she might even forget me . I felt as if I was at edge of emotions.     " Vibhavari!" , a voice called her , it was from far. And that voice making her move towards it was enough to push me off the edge. I grabbed her wrist and before she could even question me I leaned in closer placing a quick peck on her cheek and whispering a ' I am really sorry. It's too late to say , but I think I love you too.'  And as a coward I am, I didn't wait for reaction. Just ran away. Never looking back. She didn't stop me either. She must be thinking I am crazy. She must be hating me so much now. I won't blame her.       I won't even be able to explain myself why I did what I did. But that just happened and I regret it as much as I don't want to take it back. I am sorry, sorry for being that way to her, sorry to myself for never acknowledging my own feelings before it was too late , sorry for doing this to both of us.       But what happened was bound to and it won't change no matter what I do. I can only run away from it , like I always did. Run away from her , so far that even her thoughts won't catch up. Run away so far that I don't even have to miss her, run away so far that I don't have to deal with her thoughts, run away so far that I don't have to deal with my own feelings. _____________________________________Author's note:So I guess we'd be having time skip here , sending them to university as majority suggested with University romance. { Sorry my Virushi you guys gotta study more I guess. } You can feel free to add on any more suggestions you have or anything specific you'd want to happen since I don't have any rigid storyline as such for it. { You can comment so in review or even DM me to let me know incase you are not comfortable with review section } Also , I would like to know your experience till now , I hope you are enjoying it. { Since you guys are always so quiet I have absolutely no idea whether y'all liking it or not or what needs modification. Please feel free to express your opinions. Just a request to be humble. } That's all,Happy reading. Yours ,©navi07