chapter 62

    I stood at University entrance, recalling my first time to college when I atleast had my friends Malini and Neeta. This time it's all new, new place , new classmates . I'd be surrounded by only strangers, not really  I do have a cousin studying in last year who stays in hostel nearby and also I am supposed to share room with dad's friend's daughter because he believes that's better than me staying alone in some hostel where he can't be pretty sure of food and safety. There block is nearby at a walking distance, he helped me move in yesterday and I pretty much liked the place though I haven't stayed there yet just arranged stuff. I have the keys and uncle's phone number though not the girl' s who I am staying with nor have we met so I can just hope she'd be kind to me .       This is all new to me , away from home , on my own and I am not even sure how I am going to do all of it. I have to maintain a good performance to be eligible for on campus selection then get a job and then a home and settle. I sighed already tired at the thoughts.     I don't know if I'd see any familiar faces here, Malini and Neeta as I know won't be but what about her.... Vibha- ? I never asked. Didn't get chance to, more like didn't have any right to. I didn't want to know either. I would rather live in hope than face the reality. Also I don't think I would ever be able to face her after what I did. I could feel my cheeks heating up in embarrassment as I thought about it. A pit of fear opening up in my stomach, it never closed after that day. It just kept coming back to swallow me whole. Guilt, fear, embarassment, confusion, yearning, hope all kind of emotions but regret.    Atleast I wasn't coward, I could accept my feelings for her and I confessed. The fact that I ran away after straight up dumping it on her could be kept aside , atleast I didn't hide forever. " Which class you said again?" , Mrunal didi, my cousin asked and that snapped me out of thoughts. " What were you daydreaming about? Having College romance? Those movie kinds where you bump into your prince charming? ", she asked  smirking and I could only roll my eyes in response." Trust me you won't get it here. All you can expect is being shoved out of the way by some grass on head looking junglee langurs. ", she added. " And all kinds of proposals you'd ever recieve would be from batteries and nerds because bad boys here don't exist like those movies. All bad boys are genuinely bad and they'd only play you or worse haunt you till you want to actually seek help from some Tantrik."   " Looks like you actually got experience but not everyone here comes for that you know? "" So what are you going to do?"" Study."" Study?", the look of horror she had as if I said I was going to sell drugs. Perhaps even that wouldn't have surprised her so much. " What else do you do in University?"" Perhaps get a life out of books."" It's never a point to argue to you." " I am being actually practical here! You should actually start living . Enough with your academic excuses. Life can only be lived once......"And I received a whole lecture on how and why I should actually be living a life and not live like some nerd.    I wasn't paying attention to her anyways. " That's the class I guess. I will go in .", I told her and she looked around. " Got any friends?", she asked peeking over my shoulder " I haven't even stepped in yet!" , I snapped back already annoyed by her acting like a parent to me.    " Are you planning on going in today or waiting till semester gets over?" , a rude voice almost made us flinch and I had to step aside to let her in first. The girl walked past me chewing gum, flipping her half green half Balck hairs behind her as her sneakers clashed harshly against the floor as if done on purpose. The bunch of ear piercings jingled as she walked flexing her long black nails . She looked anything but decent to me.    " You have seriously chapri classmates  . ", Didi commented it in the rudest possible tone. The girl gave her a side eye , she heard and this idiot didn't even look sorry for her words. I nudged her little and gave her a ' now leave ' smile. " Be careful of what friends you make. "" I am hardly 3 years younger than you!" , I retorted and she shook her head . " You are still a kid. I am the elder here. " I rolled  eyes at her and pushed her away before she could get me enemies on my very first day.      I turned around to step in when I felt someone walk past me and my every muscle froze . I didn't even see them, no voice, just the presence and I felt my heart pick up an abnormal pace.  My hands turned cold even before I could blame the weather change. I nervously gripped onto the strap of my bag as my legs dwaddled clumsily towards the door.     I am just being delusional. I am overthinking. It can't be , it can't be her. It's just my thoughts, my fears that are making me feel that way. I dared not but I had to go inside as well. I stepped in my eyes slowly looking everywhere.     " Yo Bruh-!!", the sharp voice called out and I looked at the girl she was holding her hand up for someone. I didn't want to know who that someone was but I did . Her hairs were tied in a pony tail, she dressed as if she wished to camouflage into the dark . Headphones around her neck , the bracelets , the rings , I have them imprinted so deep in my mind that I would recognise her with those tiny details without having to see her face.     I walked my head still facing the floor. I walked over to the last of rows never once looking up. I don't know if she saw me but I hope she didn't because even I haven't. I am still hoping it's not her while secretly praying it's her. I myself don't know what's wrong with me. I almost tripped on one the bench edges.     " Are you okay?" , the girl held a hand prevented me from clashing into the edge. That's when I rose my head to straight up face the concerned eyes , not straight up there were still her specs being a barrier. She looked genuinely concerned.  " I am fine. Thank you so much.", I replied awkwardly.  She took her hand back giving me a slight nod. She looked equally awkward and alone.       " Is anyone sitting here?" , I asked nervously and she shook her head. " Can I?"  I guess she is too nervous to talk. She only nodded. I settled besides her happy to have made a friend but I suddenly felt uneasy. Thousands of holes poking through my guts.     I slowly peeked in the direction I felt it came from. It was her , Vibha , the one I dreaded to face the most,  the one I wanted the most yes it was her glaring at me. She somehow looked intimidating. There was a weird kind of excitement that surged despite the fear. I wanted to hide away , run away , pretend it all wasn't real, believe it all wasn't real but somewhere I wanted this, wanted her , here , with me , in my life as a part of my life.     I looked at her and she gave me a stern look before turning away . I have that look deeply imprinted on my mind.  The one I get when I make her mad. Should I go appologise ? What for? Not like it was my fault? Or was it? What was she mad about? I must have been visibly panicked because I felt a light tap on my arm right after, slightly scaring me.     " Don't mind her. Prisha is always like that. She looks all bossy and rude but she won't bother you unless you got into problems with her. ", she said and I looked at her confused. She must have read it wrong and she thought I was scared of the girl who did look scary but I wasn't.  I didn't have to be afraid of getting into problems with anyone when I had a problem of mine .        The class filled after that and everyone spilled around chatting and laughing it was all a busy place and still I felt her eyes on me. She wasn't even stealing glances like she was openly throwing daggers at me with that gaze. " I am Niharika. And you?" , she asked me and I reluctantly diverted my complete attention to the girl besides me  hoping that would push this suffocating feeling behind. " Arushi."  She smiled at that.     " Which college did you come from-" I wanted to answer her but a tap on my shoulder almost scared me to death. I flinched so hard that I might have actually fallen off if not for the person standing behind me to hold me .        " I didn't mean to scare you-"  I relaxed when I saw who it was, Sneha .  " Nay- Just didn't expect any friends here. I am glad you are here though! Atleast I will have friends. ", I said as I offered her a smile.  She sat ahead of us . I must have looked in that direction for way too long because the not so talkative girl besides me actually questioned me , " Did you guys have something off?" " Huh?" " Did she bully you?" " What- No-?"" You look like you know her and are scared of her. ", she said trying to get a better look in the direction I was busy staring at. Was I that obivious? " No - I-" , I just tried to process I could even answer Sneha piped in. " You won't be sitting with Vibha?"" No- I -We-"." What are you two fighting about this time?" " We are not - it's just - "      I couldn't even come up with  excuses but luckily the bell did it for me. Everyone settled letting the proffesor take charge. I was glad it did. I tried to keep my head in the books just to not act all obivious again.     It was the break and before I could get my chance to steal a glance at her Vibha was already heading out with whoever this new girl was , probably a friend. Thats what I wanted to believe but there it was again the weird feeling I had when I used to see her with Abhijit. Jealousy? Is that it? I don't know. But I just hate it, too much. I clenched tightly onto the sheet staring at the door as the finally disappeared from my sight.