chapter 68

[ Vibha's p.o.v ]       "By sleeping together I meant hugging or cuddling something like that. Why the hell is there a barrier between us?" , I complained kicking the pillows separating us. Why would she do this?       " Just sleep. " , she mumbled , sleep taking toll over her voice.    " I can't . I am ' scared '. ", I replied stressing the word she used to taunt me.     " Who told you to watch it with me when you can't stand it?" , she was being rude saying it like that.     I didn't reply just turned over facing the other side. Not like I am interested in starting at a bunch of cushions all night.     She didn't bother checking on me? How can you leave your girlfriend to sulk and be haunted by nightmares all alone? That's seriously unacceptable. I turned back to face her . Not working, I raised myself on my forearm to look over the wall to her side. Fell asleep? Already? Woah. This girl is unbelievable. I can't sleep and she's already in dreamland. I plopped back down watching the clothes and fan take up weird shapes.      " Ughh !" , I pulled the blanket over my head. Yes , I do believe in the monster won't get you if you are fully covered in your blanket and that's the only option I have with my love giving no shit about my condition.      The night sunk further without me getting a single ounce of sleep. I had been twisting , turning and tossing around for eternity. Why isn't it morning already ? The monsters in my head kept manifesting into my visions the moment I closed my eyes. I was having a hard time keeping them open but I was too scared to close my eyes. They would return if I sleep. They would chase me down in my sleep till I am reduced to a crying mess begging for life and they'd end it mercilessly .        I had been so engulfed by those thoughts that I didn't realise when the wall besides me collapsed. I felt her hand gently pass over me holding ont my shoulder as if holding me down , restricting my movements and safeguarding me against all those monsters .      " Sleep." , her voice too tired to even reach me but I heard it. Her eyes were closed she didn't have to look at me . I knew it , the single word containing everything she didn't say, won't say. I am here. Sleep. You are safe.  And I did. I don't know when but I did fall asleep. [ Aru's p.o.v ]     This girl has been rolling about an entire night. I had to literally hold her so she would stop her wriggling. Turns out she's not really that confident about everything now. Atleast I got something to shut her up.      My alarm woke me up but I couldn't reach it. My movements were restricted by a firm grip on my waist and arm. I usually just shut it out and go back to sleep but this time it had been ringing long so much that I had to force open my eyes to get a look at what held me back. It took me a good while of blinking to see through the sleepy vision. I totally forgot about this scared baby.      " Shessh. "  , I hissed as I tried to snuggle out of her grip . It only ended with her holding onto me more tighter pulling me closer. This girl really believes I can fight monsters if they show up ? I had to stretch my hand somehow and  managed to snooze it.        That woke me enough to let the reality sink in. I was sharing a room with her , with Vibha , the very girl whom I rejected and then dumped my confession on . I tried to avoid her and then ended being in same University, same class, same room and now same bed as her. My heart started to pace up as if given a morning exercise. I sneaked up a glance at her face.         She was so deep in sleep that she didn't realise I was awake or all my efforts to escape her hold. Perhaps she didn't even know she was holding me. Her hands all around me holding on as if I would disappear if her grip loosened.        My eyes traced every feature of her face. Her hairs despite being tied were still messed up and somehow blocking my sight. I didn't know how but the hand I had managed to free gently raised to push them aside. That's all I should be doing, getting rid of them so they don't disturb her. But my fingers as if  involuntarily following my inner desires trailed down her cheek . Her skin felt so soft that I would just pull her cheek. It took every restraint in my muscles to not do that. I already have a history of doing so and making things awkward.          I had been staring so long that I could already imagine her saying ' Be my girlfriend and stare all you want.'  Just the very flashback of those words pushed a smile across my face. How would it feel to be her girlfriend? Would anything change between us? Perhaps not. But I wouldn't feel this guilty about my feelings or desires then. I could hold her hand, hug her, ask her for cuddle, pull her cheeks, play with her hairs , hold her in my arms and I won't feel a sense of guilt or insecurity then. I would have the right to call her mine, to be jealous, to demand her attention, to get mad at her. It's not really different now, that would just be giving our relation a name . But it would make everything different.      My thoughts trailed further than they should have.     What would it be to be her wife? Right now, it's just that she's scared we are hear together on one bed. But after marriage, waking upto this sleeping baby holding me in her arms, starting the day with her annoyingly cheesy remarks, demanding a morning coffee, watching her cook for me, feeding each other, dressing up to get her reactions, having couple rings , going to places together, sleeping like this in her arms everyday , being her only one. How would it be?     My thumb brushed her cheeks . I haven't paid attention to how close our faces were. Just a breath away. The knots in my stomach twisted and I wanted to get up and run away but instead I felt myself being pulled closer. It wasn't her, it was me. My desires. What if I just give in? What if I just told her how I feel? How would she react? Would she tease me? Would she play around for a while and leave? But she never left me , did she? All that while it was me , just me running away from her and still wishing for her to chase me and when she would , I just shooed her away. What right did I have to blame her? I wanted her attention, her love, to be her only one but I was too scared to admit it. I am still but these feelings have started to become unbearable. They weren't back then. Or were they? Did I not realise them because I was too busy blaming her?       I don't want to run away anymore. Here , in her arms , I already feel like I am home . I wish to settle here. Then what's holding me back ? Fear? Guilt ? I don't know. All I know is I want to be hers now. It's enough , enough of lies, running away, pushing away. I want to give in. But how would she react if I tell her that?     What would you say if I tell you I want to be yours?