Fifteen Fish

[Ye Yuel: Hyung, I'm on my way.]

DING!

[Kyungwon Hyung: Okay, get here safe :)]

A reply came almost instantly as if Kyungwon had been waiting for him. Yuel let out a sigh of relief that Kyungwon hadn't called him instead. He wanted to use the bus ride to his house to fully prepare himself for the day ahead of him. He was not going to feel anything when he saw Kyungwon. He told himself that over and over again like a mantra as he looked out the window.

It was a beautiful early spring day, not too cold and not too warm. Yuel thought about whether to ask Kyungwon to just meet outside, but it seemed too late to make a change of plans. Not to mention, Kyungwon and him being out together seemed too much like a date, as much as Yuel knew it wouldn't be.

The amazing weather was what made Yuel take the bus instead of the subway today, but he was starting to regret his decision. It already took a full hour to get to the house by subway, and by bus, it was another added hour. Yuel was glad he at least ate something before leaving or he might have started feeling nauseous.

Yuel was scrolling through his phone when a text came. He could read the entire message through the preview banner that popped up.

[Yang Edin: What are you doing? ^_^]

When Yuel opened up the messenger app, he saw Edin's "^_^" right above Kyungwon's earlier ":)". It made him think about how the two guys were kind of similar but also kind of not. They were both attentive and caring. However, Edin didn't have the maturity Kyungwon did, which was to be expected given their eight-year age difference. At the same time, that also meant Kyungwon didn't have the carefree youth that Edin did. Kyungwon certainly wouldn't say half of the silly things that came out of Edin's mouth without a second thought.

Yuel caught himself grinning, to which he straightened out his expression before opening Edin's message.

[Yang Edin: What are you doing? ^_^]

[Ye Yuel: I'm out.]

[Yang Edin: Where??? O_O]

Yuel thought about what to reply with. He wasn't sure if he wanted to open up to Edin about everything. Sure, the boy had already seen him go through an awful panic attack. But this would open up another vulnerable aspect of his life. He wasn't ready for that yet. Just the thought of it terrified him.

[Ye Yuel: Somewhere...]

[Yang Edin: You can't tell me? ;_;]

[Ye Yuel: Nope. It's a secret.]

[Yang Edin: I'll try harder! >_>_<<]

Yuel snorted and shook his head. "Seriously?"

[Ye Yuel: You still have a long way to go.]

[Yang Edin: I know. But I won't give up! Please like me, Yuel ♡_♡]

Yuel stared at that message until his screen automatically turned off. While he did feel bad about leaving Edin on read, he had no idea how to respond to that. The word "like" had always felt taboo to him. Even thinking it seemed wrong. And yet Edin was able to use it on a daily basis as if it were a greeting.

How could it be that simple for him? Was love supposed to be simple? Had Yuel been doing it wrong all this time? Why was it that one man made love seem like the hardest thing in the world while one boy made it seem like the easiest?

. . .

"Yuel Oppa!" Sori happily called, running straight toward him.

"Woah!" Yuel blurted out, nearly being tackled down at the front door. "Hi, Sori."

The passcode was still the same, so Yuel had himself in, not knowing that a three-year-old had been standing in wait for an ambush. Sori tightly clung to his leg. He gave her a gentle pat on the head and waddled his way into the apartment.

Kyungwon peeked his head out from the kitchen with a warm smile. "You're here."

Yuel couldn't look him in the eye. It had been a couple of weeks since he last saw Kyungwon, but it felt like he was reuniting with him after several years. He had no idea what kind of expression to make. How had he been able to face Kyungwon every day before?

"Uh, hi, Hyung."

There was a moment of awkward silence that got broken by Sori.

"Oppa! Oppa! I wanna show you something!"

Sori released Yuel's leg and grabbed his hand, pulling him to her bedroom. Yuel appreciated her coming to his rescue. He really wasn't sure what else to say to Kyungwon or even how to act in front of him anymore.

"Ta-da!"

Sori held out a piece of A3 paper that contained a comic she had drawn with crayons. She pointed to the first panel out of four. It was another version of the wedding drawing she had made before.

"This is me, and this is you," she said. "After we get married, we'll have our honeymoon at the amusement park and then buy a big two-story house."

"So you already have everything planned out, I see," Yuel remarked lightheartedly.

"Yeah! I'm gonna marry you no matter what! You're mine, Oppa!"

Yuel chuckled at her innocent determination. For a moment, he wondered how she might look back on this memory in a few years. Would she also come to horribly regret it like he did with all his dreams of wanting to marry Kyungwon?

Yuel brought his focus back to the comic. He looked at the last panel, which depicted Sori and him standing in front of their two-story house surrounded by cats. "Why do we have so many cats?"

"They're our kids. I wanna have a bunch because if we only have one, they'll feel lonely."

Yuel turned to Sori with a feeling of guilt. She was technically an only child herself now. "Sori, do you feel lonely?"

"Nuh-uh. I have Yuel Oppa."

"But I moved away."

"We still talk on the phone, and you come to visit, so it's okay. And I'll have a younger sibling soon, too. I hope it's a little brother."

"A younger sibling...? What do you mean by that?"

Without giving him a response, Sori ran out upon hearing the apartment door being opened and closed. Knowing who had come, Yuel followed her out.

"Mommy!" Sori called, rushing to the woman with open arms.

The woman crouched down to pick her up with a huge smile. "Sori, what were you doing while I was out?"

"I was showing Yuel Oppa my drawing!"

"Yuel Oppa..." The smile on the woman's face disappeared in an instant. "So he's here."

"Yeah, I'm here..." Yuel said, walking toward her but stopping with a good amount of distance between them. "...Hey, Mom."