chapter 17

Chapter 17The dilemmaChintan made good his promise, and Arya left Anu at peace, letting his son handle the editorial. They met often, and mostly on work, but even in those moments, he managed to communicate how she held a special place in his thoughts. The frequency should have made it all mundane and ordinary, but Anu only found herself longing for one extra word, one deep look that communicated something more than friendly concern. Anu felt comforted by his just being around. It was easy to become complacent, to fall into the rut, to let things be. With Chintan, her heart felt different – softer, hopeful, rested.So when she got the call for an interview almost a month later, she wavered. And it was not the work that made her waver. The thought of never being able to meet Chintan again was unbearable. It didn’t matter; in the end, they would part ways, she reminded herself. That he didn’t care for her beyond her being an employee, she warned herself. And yet, another part of her refused to believe that she was nothing more to him. The look on his face when he gazed at her, and she caught at unguarded moments, the solicitous enquiries, the pregnant pauses when words wanted to rush out and it was will that held them back… The gentle, innocent touches that could mean nothing, and meant more than could be explained… She feared it was all in her imagination. But even then, she cherished them, and was loath to part from him.But Ganesh called and asked her if she had heard from any of the places he had suggested, and for his sake, she attended the interview. The fit was right, the salary good. She asked them for time to join. Time to convince herself that foolish dreams doth not maketh good sense.When the offer letter came, it burned her fingers. She spent a sleepless night, then took a decision. But before she could act on her decision – of asking Chintan to meet her – he messaged saying he wanted to talk to her. Could she meet him for coffee that evening?Anu’s heart somersaulted. She couldn’t wait for the day to end, though she prepared herself for disappointment. This time, though, the café he took her to was no dreary affair, a convenient location for an inconvenient conversation. It was hip, happening, quiet… Her heart leapt up and she looked at Chintan as he asked for a table for two and they were guided to a quiet corner.There was no dearth of topics for conversation – in the last few months, they had discovered enough common interests. But today, nothing held his interest for long; he looked preoccupied.Finally, Anu was forced to ask, “Chintan, is there something you wanted to tell me?” Her heart raced, but she willed herself to be calm.Chintan glanced at her and then continued playing with the fork on the table. “Anu…my job here is done.”She looked at him with a sinking heart.“I had come to help dad get things running smoothly, and what little I could do, I have. I have tried to postpone this decision as much as I could, but now I can hang on here no longer. I have other responsibilities that call me, and that I would love to be doing. Last night my dad and I decided that I could go back to my passion.” He glanced at her and looked away, his face not revealing anything. “I wanted to tell you myself.”“Oh!” she said, feeling betrayed despite his taking the initiative to tell her first. She was glad that she would be on her way out too. She felt foolish at having believed that by hanging back, she could postpone the inevitable. “Thanks for informing me,” she said. “I am planning to resign this week. I have an offer that I have taken up.” She smiled, trying not to show how much all this hurt.He looked up at her in surprise. “Why! I thought the promotion…the hike.”She laughed wryly. “They would hold me back? Well, that did help negotiate a better deal,” she said smugly, though she felt no pleasure in it.“Oh!” he said, sounding puzzled, then he looked relieved. Shrugging, he said, “That’s dad’s problem.” He was silent briefly before saying, “There was something else I wanted to ask you…if you don’t mind.” She couldn’t bear the suspense as he hesitated. “As you know I am into farming… I will be going back in a week.” He was silent and she waited impatiently. “I wanted to know…it would give me great pleasure…if you would come along.”Anu sat still, waiting for her heart to start beating again. He waited as if he could wait forever. “Farm?” she asked finally.He nodded. “In Himachal Pradesh.” He looked at her expectantly.“Himachal? For how long…? Why!” she asked, her eager mind propping up questions in random order, wondering if he was proposing or he had something else on mind. What else? Not a job…no, no…“A friend from Himachal had some land there. So that’s where we started our experiment a few years ago – of organic farming. I will be driving down – it is just before Manali, so should take about 11 to 12 hours. We can start on Saturday morning. I will make safe stay arrangements for you – a caretaker and his wife take care of our cooking, cleaning and all that. I will drop you back on Monday night latest.” He looked at her again expectantly.She was scared at how she wanted to grab this opportunity and go with him – even if it was only for a short while. She wondered if he sensed that need and what he thought of it. “You live there?” she asked, dismayed that this could well be the final goodbye.“Yes, that’s where I live these days.”“Oh…” she asked.“So would you be interested?” he asked again. It was not his face that gave away his eagerness, but the way his body leaned forward.“And… why are you asking me?”He was silent then said slowly, “I would like you to know the life I lead.” Not a word more, though she waited. It left many more questions open, but she was scared to ask. “Listen,” he moved back, “It’s just a weekend…why don’t you just come and see. It would also be an opportunity to travel.”She took a deep breath. “I would love to, but I don’t think I can.”His face fell. “I assure you, you will be safe,” he said, not knowing what else could bother her.She shook her head. “My mother is not well, I…I have never left her and gone anywhere.”He was silent, sipping his cold coffee. “You don’t have anyone who can step in?”She looked at her iced tea thoughtfully and said, “Only once or twice, an aunt has visited us. Maybe I can ask her.” She was amazed at her own boldness. Travelling alone with Chintan! She looked at him. “It would have to be a real emergency to do that.”He smiled at her and said, “This is. It is a matter of life and death.” Seeing her puzzled expression, he covered her hand with his and said, “Believe me.”