I know Iâm selfish. A stable future was my top priority, so I always relentlessly choose the one that benefits me. I thought that not being able to take care of my share was rather stupid, so I was not ashamed of these values.
But now, the moment I accepted the Grand Dukeâs offer, it seemed that I would become a filthy human. Even the humanity that I had had become a thing that was thrown away.
When I get paid for the time I spend with Kir, could this relationship be called a pure friendship?
Of course, I didnât like Kir. Chasing me like a duckling imprinted on its mother is annoying. I donât like him that gets angry at times and asks to be slapped on the cheek. When Kir childishly whines, I sigh. Taking classes with Kir was also my loss. Itâs a pity, but itâs also a burden when Kir sometimes shows a weak appearance.
As I mumbled this, I felt that being with Kir had far more bad things than good things. In many ways, Kir was a helpless existence in my life. Even now, I wanted to get rid of him.
However, I still considered Kir a friend. Not a best friend, but a friend who occupied a space in my childhood memories.
Itâs a good thing that the Grand Duke wanted to give me a reward. But I didnât want to lose my humanity to that extent.
Besides, can I be honest with Kir after taking money for dealing with him? Will I be able to act as proudly as I am now in front of that boy who canât even trust me and even look up to me? And how will Kir, who knows about it, see me and the Grand Duke?
I didnât come to Kir voluntarily and became friends, but I didnât want the time we had spent together for a year tainted like a stain.
In fact, the Grand Dukeâs words were not strange. This was the culture here. High nobles who had children would deliberately call the children of lower nobles and assign them as playmates for their children. The low-ranking nobles thus gained a standing as the playmates of the high-ranking nobles, but they were still subordinates. Because you canât go against the feelings of a high-status other person.
In return for such time, the low-ranking nobles received certain benefits from the high-ranking noble families. From my point of view, they built relationships that were not pure friends. It was a rational and logical decision for the Grand Duke, but not for me. I struggled to suppress some of the rising emotions.
âAll right. The class will continue. But I donât need any reward.â
The Grand Dukeâs fingers, which were resting on the armrests, trembled. As if he didnât expect that I was going to refuse, he had an unexpected look on his face.
âWhy wonât you get any reward?â
âFirst of all, Father will not like it. He will think of it as making a profit by selling his daughter.â
âIâll take care of it secretly from Commander Hertman.â
The Grand Duke was the one who spends more time with Father than I do. He would have known Fatherâs character. So the Grand Duke threw out a negotiation proposal that he would handle it secretly rather than questioning me when I said that Father would not like it.
It would be a sweet word if he truly meant it, but I wasnât happy with it. So I shook my head.
âItâs not just for that reason. The biggest reason is my personal heart.â
I didnât want to do that to Kir. My conscience was already worn out and worn out after I slapped Kir on the cheek, but I didnât want to fall to the bottom. Just like refusing Kirâs invitation to give me a job, I wanted to keep the line I had set.
âIf you donât you ask for it now, wonât you regret it later?â
âI think I will regret it even more.â
I was not the one who refuses money that comes in, so I donât know why Iâm making this choice. The Grand Duke continued to look at me with observing eyes, but he deliberately did not control his expression so that I would notice.
But will the Grand Duke rather look at this hopeful little child? He looked at me. He looked like he had a plan and I refused it. What the hell are you looking at me for!
âYouâre not a child who asked for a reward.â
âAt that time, Father was injured. If this was a life-threatening matter, I would have asked for more.â
If Father hadnât been injured while trying to save the Grand Duke, I wouldnât have asked for compensation that much. It was only natural that there was a difference between those who had physical damage and those that did not. It was strange to think that the matter at that time was equivalent to this matter now.
The Grand Duke didnât say anything. But somehow it seemed that he didnât know the difference between the two. Or he may be thinking about which carrot to present.
âAnyway, I donât think I should get a reward for studying with Kir. I donât want you to talk about rewards anymore.â
Since the conversation wouldnât be beneficial if it was continued longer, Iâve decided not to comment further. I donât know if Iâm teaching Kir to study, but it doesnât seem like itâs right to want something just because weâre taking classes together.
When I came to that conclusion, the thought that this was a waste that had remained for a while completely disappeared. I sighed like a liberated person. It made me feel somewhat relieved to shake off even a single drop of regret.