𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚎

"Here, hold this." My mother practically shoves the welded garden hoe in my hand. I can't believe she actually dragged me outside on this windy day. It's so tiring. Feeling the cold breeze on your skin and looking up to the cloudy sky. It makes my depression ten times worse.

I let out a huff as I stare down at her. She's kneeling on the soil, digging with her little trowel. I think she's deep enough to plant the newest seeds in the rose garden.

"There. All finished." She holds her hand out and I gladly give her the hoe. It's such a funny word for a tool.

"Nice." I mutter my usual one-word answer.

"Wasn't that fun?" She stands up and wipes the dirt off her overalls.

"Mhmm." I mutter while looking around the backyard.

Dozens of roses surround me. The beautiful red color is striking, but there's something about it that sheds a darkness to it.

"I think it's all coming together nicely. We just need some sun to come out." She throws her hands up while looking at the gray sky. I seriously don't know what she expects.

My eyes continue to roam around. At least the flowers will never die, there's so much rain to keep them healthy.

"You know, I hate seeing you like this." She says while removing the dirty gloves from her hands.

"Huh?" I turn back to look at her. Is she seriously going to start this conversation?

"You barely come out of your room, honey." She shakes her head with a frown. "I haven't seen you smile in ages and your depression is only getting worse."

She never talks about this topic, ever. She always brushes it under the rug. I gasp at her insensitive tone.

"Did you really just say that to me?" My voice is already trembling.

"What's the matter?" She looks genuinely confused. This is why I can't stand my robot parents. They have no emotions whatsoever, especially towards their deceased son.

"How dare you?" I whisper through my teeth. My eyes water as I try to prevent tears from leaving them.

"Excuse me?" She steps closer to where I'm standing.

"Do you not see the issue? I'm depressed because my best friend was taken away from me. Hunter is dead, don't you get it?" The harsh words slip out of my mouth with a gentle ease. "Your twenty year old son is not here anymore."

"Of course I get it." She shakes her head.

"Then why don't you show it?" I'm hysterical at this point, but I don't care. I've always been extremely sensitive and emotional. "You didn't even cry at his funeral. Nobody pressed charges on any of his asshole friends who obviously took part in his so called 'accident.' You and dad tiptoe around his name, almost like he never existed. You don't even visit his grave."

"We grieved when everything happened, Hope. How dare you say I don't care about my son?" Her voice is cold as she stares blankly at me.

"That's a lie and you know it." I fire back, feeling the tears run down my cheeks.

"I wasn't going to bring this up, but I think now is the best time." She lets out the deepest sigh possible.

"Bring what up?" I gulp.

"I want you to go to therapy." She casually shrugs.

Therapy. She's waited almost a year to suggest the idea? I don't need therapy, I need the comfort of my parents. I need to cry it out with them, to grieve with them. I'm starting to go crazy.

"Therapy isn't going to bring him back." I swallow more tears.

"Neither is stopping your entire life. You don't have any future plans because of it."

"You're a disgrace." I turn around and stomp out of her stupid rose garden.

I never had a horrible relationship with my parents. It all started the minute Hunter was pronounced dead. They started acting different, acting weird. His name rarely left their mouths. They continued on with their perfect lives, not even stopping to ask how I was dealing with the trauma.

As I'm rushing into the house, my father catches a glimpse of me. He's sitting at the dining room table, reading the comic strips in today's newspaper.

"How was gardening?" He randomly asks.

"Fine." I mutter. He doesn't even look up from the paper to see that I'm crying.

"Guess what? The annual carnival is in town. I know you go every year."

I stop in my tracks. My skin twists at the thought of it. My favorite part of summer was attending the carnival with my brother. He took me on every ride you could think of.

"Not anymore." I say before rushing up the stairs.

Once I'm in my room, I close the door and lean against it. Squeezing my eyes shut, I slide down to the floor. One single mention of the carnival and memories suddenly flood my brain. Memories of when I was happy.

"Okay, what first?" Hunter says while looking around.

The bright lights flash around us as he stares in awe. We come here every year, but the look in his eyes resemble the first time. He's such a kid at heart.

"You pick." I shrug with a small grin. I hate roller coasters, but am dragged on them every year. I have a feeling he's still going to suggest one.

"How about the large roller coaster that goes upside down five times in a row?" He looks back at me with a devilish smirk.

My eyes widen as I stare at it from the distance. The large green ride does not look appealing, at all. I'm already nauseous just from glancing at it. "Really, Hunt?" I groan.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding." He laughs while I playfully nudge his arm.

"So not funny." I roll my eyes as he continues to laugh.

The carnival is crowded, not that I would expect anything less. There's so many people in my grade walking around with their friends or significant others. They all look at me, but nobody says hi. Hunter picks up on the vibe when three girls walk right past us.

"Don't they go to your school?" He looks back at the group of snarky cheerleaders. They all had their eyes on him, anyway.

"Yup." I shrug while shoving my hands into the front pockets of my shorts.

"Why didn't they say hi to you?" He furrows his eyebrows while focusing his attention back to me.

"Because I'm not friends with them." I shrug it off.

"So? Is being polite a disease now?" He shakes his head back and forth.

"Apparently." I mutter under my breath as we continue to walk.

"You're going to be a senior. Pettiness won't get you anywhere in the real world." He points out with a sigh. Hunter graduated two years ago and attends the community college close by.

"Who cares about them?" I groan while looking back up to him.

"True. If they don't want to talk to my sister, then they aren't worth my breath."

"You're annoying." A smug smile crosses my lips.

"I was wasting my precious air on seventeen year old brats. You're way cooler, anyway." he continues on.

"Thanks for boosting my ego." I laugh with a shake of my head.

"That's what I'm here for." He grins back at me. "I say we start the night with our usual."

"Rocky road ice cream?" I perk my attitude up.

"Obviously. It's our specialty."

"Yo, Hunt!" A loud voice calls from behind us.

My brother and I turn around, seeing his group of friends approaching us. Kyle is already smirking at him, while Dave and Chase roughhouse with each other. Those boys are always hitting one another, it's the definition of masculinity.

"There you are, man. We've been looking all over for you." Kyle pulls him into a typical bro hug, it's what they always do when they see each other.

"We just got here." Hunter greets them all with a smile.

"You haven't missed much. Although, somebody did barf on the twister and it was fucking nasty." Chase says with a heavy laugh.

His blonde hair blows lightly in the wind, and I can't help but stare. I've always had a crush on him, and Hunter knew that. His friends are good looking, what can I say.

"It's not surprising, that ride is way too much for anyone's stomach to handle." Dave chimes in.

"I think it's cool. You guys are just pussies." Hunter smirks, causing them all to roll their eyes.

"Hunter!" A feminine voice calls out from behind us.

We all turn to see Aubrey Holland walking over to the small circle we created. She is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. Long, black hair. Intense hazel eyes. A bone structure that any girl would be lucky to inherit.

My brother has the biggest crush on her, and the feeling is mutual. They've hung out a few times, but only as friends. I'm shocked he hasn't made a move. He's the type of guy who always gets what he wants.

"Aubrey, hey." His white teeth flash as a wide smile appears on his lips.

"I was hoping to see you here." A blush forms on her cheeks as she tucks a piece of her long hair behind her ear.

"Well, you found me." He nods his head while looking down at her.

"Good, now I can get the night started." She giggles while biting on her lower lip. "Wanna ride the ferris wheel with me?"

"Yes, he definitely does." Dave nudges Hunter's arm. Chase smirks while Kyle glances down at the ground.

My brother turns to look at me, and I give him an encouraging nod. "Maybe later. My sister and I are going to get ice cream now."

My entire face falls as I cross my arms over my chest. "Hunt-"

"Catch you guys in a few?" He looks at each one of them.

"Yeah, of course." Chase nods.

"Perfect, come on Hope." He takes my hand and leads me through the crowd of people.

"What the hell? Why did you do that?" I gasp while looking up at him.

"Rocky road is waiting for us. It's a tradition." He casually states.

"So what? I know you really like Aubrey. Why would you pass up the opportunity to ride the ferris wheel with her?"

"Because my sister comes first. I want to spend time with you, too."

"You're twenty years old. Why do you want to hang around your seventeen year old little sister?" I tilt my head while glancing at him.

"Because I do. Is that a problem?" He teases once we reach the ice cream line.

"No." I sigh with a tiny smile. I appreciate him so much for this.

"You know I always have your back. I'm not going to ditch you." He says with a nod.

"Always, right?" I beam from ear to ear.

"Yup, always." He says with an endearing smile.

"Go." A deep voice suddenly whispers.

I snap my eyes open and look around my silent bedroom. I'm completely alone. Am I losing my mind? I could have sworn I just heard Hunter's voice.

"I'm going insane." I sigh.

Standing up from the floor, I wipe my eyes and sit in the bay window. My mind keeps drifting to the carnival.

It was my happy place, the place where Hunter and I really bonded. We never missed it and this is going to be the first year that I don't attend. It would never be the same without him.

"Come on, hurry up." A distant voice shouts from outside.

"Chill out, I'm coming." Another voice groans.

My eyes shift across the street, landing on the twins. Ethan is sitting in the driver's seat of the 1998 Sedan.

Mystery man rushes out the front door and swiftly gets into the passenger seat. The minute he's in, the car quickly backs out of the driveway.

"Go." A deep voice rings through my ears.

I sap my head back to my room, getting a weak feeling in my stomach. I think I officially reached my breaking point.

When I look back out the window, the car is gone. My entire core is flooded with a weird sense. I feel like I need to go to that carnival, like I'm being drawn there. It won't leave my brain.

I quickly rise to my feet and grab my denim jacket from the closet. I never go out, unless it's to the cemetery. Something is telling me tonight is going to be different.