I tumble to the ground.
Or rather, both of us do in a mess of limbs and groans and awkward touches.
More accurately, inappropriate touches.
Holy Jesus.
Please tell me I didnât just brush my fingers against his thing right now.
I quickly remove my hand while heâs trying to get off me, and that knocks us both down again.
But this time, heâs glued to me. His cut body covering my entire front and his naked chest on my breasts. Now, Iâm definitely touching his thingâor my stomach is, anyway.
My cheeks would be flaming red if my emotions appeared on the surface. I never thought Iâd feel the ridges of his body this intimately.
At least, not in this lifetime.
Jesus. His abdomen is as firm as the ground against my back, only itâs soft enough to sleep on.
Or rub my face against it.
Or any other activity that includes touching it.
He plants his palms on the ground on either side of my head and pushes up a little. His stomach, thighs, and umm, his erection, are still pressed against me.
Thatâs when I have my first full view of him.
Sebastian Weaver.
Star quarterback.
A former senatorâs grandson.
And dangerous.
Itâs not only because of his lethally attractive looks, because honestly? He could be the most beautiful man God has created. Okay, in the top five.
His face may as well have been sculpted from granite, all rough edges and with predefined expressions. Not in a serial killer kind of way, but in a âhello, Iâm your next fantasyâ kind of way. His cut jawline and sharp nose add to the general perfection that God bestows upon only some of his creations.
His eyes, though, tell a completely different story. Itâs not solely about their light green color that resembles the shade of a tropical sea that Iâve only seen in pictures. But whatâs most striking about them is the fading light in their depths, almost as if heâs mad with the supremacy he was given. Or maybe he considers it a burden.
Gee, if having his looks is a burden, we can switch.
Or not.
That would make me a guy and Iâd have to carry the cheer squad.
Okay, wait. Am I really thinking about carrying the cheerleaders when Iâm trapped under Sebastianâs body?
A very hard one at that. No, I donât mean his dick is hard, though I think itâs getting there, but all of him, from his chest to his thighs and even his whole face.
His dark sandy-blond hair falls across his forehead, creating a dreamy contrast against his sun-kissed skin and the light color of his eyes. Eyes that are currently narrowing at me as if I committed a mistake by merely existing.
âMove,â he says in that slightly raspy voice of his, one thatâs meant to whisper dirty things in the dark.
Or maybe in the light. Who cares?
âWhat?â
âEither you heard me and youâre playing dumb or you have hearing issues. Both of which I donât give a fuck about.â
My small âworship at his altar while ogling himâ phase comes to a screeching halt at both his words and their condescending tone.
Who does this asshole think he is? He might be a little attractiveâokay, a lot, whateverâbut that doesnât give him the right to treat me like the dirt under his shoes. I wasnât born for that position.
I adopt my half-mocking, half-snobby tone that I usually use when talking to Brianna. âUh, hello? Youâre the one whoâs pinning me to the ground.â
âBecause youâre wrapping your leg around mine.â
I lift my head and search around until my abdomen aches from the half-lifted position, and sure enough, my leg is definitely looped around his. And are his muscles twitching beneath mine or am I imagining things?
Way to go, me. One to nil, Black Devils.
But instead of acting like the idiot my brain is telling me to emulate, I donât release him. âThatâs only because of the fall. Donât get ideas in your twisted head.â
âMaybe youâre the one whose head is twisted since it went straight there.â He grins, showing me his perfect white teeth, and while thatâs considered a friendly gesture, the emptiness behind it forbids me from considering it as such.
Iâve been well aware of Sebastianâs reputation ever since I transferred here during my senior year of high school. One would have to be blind while simultaneously living under a rock not to recognize Senator Brian Weaverâs only grandchild and Blackwoodâs favorite quarterback.
Heâs the definition of a cliché with his mesmerizing all-American looks, background, and skill.
Everyone believes his grandfather is preparing him for a career in politics as soon as heâs out of college and that football is merely a stepping stone. The NFL is too small for his ambitions and his future.
But thatâs not what I first noticed about Sebastian. It was neither who his family was, what he played, nor even what he looked like.
It was always his eyes.
The way theyâre muted, like right now, as if heâs falling into a role.
He plays the social game so well, Iâm jealous sometimes. I wish I could fake it as convincingly as he does. I wish I could smile at people when all I want to do is hide.
âLetâs agree to disagree.â Heâs still smiling, but heâs not attempting to conceal its fakery anymore. Thatâs what people do when theyâre fed up. They let the masks fall and allow their true selves to show through.
And right now, what heâs projecting is entirely different from what he is.
âSo are you going to release me or would you rather feel me up some more?â
I move my leg with a jerk. âYouâre the one whoâs doing that.â
âYeah, yeah, and Iâm also the one who caged myself against you. Do you hear yourself?â
âYes, I do, and I make more sense than you⦠Why arenât you getting up?â
The empty mockery on his features slowly breaks as a gleam shines through. âDidnât you say I was feeling you? Might as well go with it.â
âAre you insane? We donât even know each other.â
âWhy does that matter? Itâs only a natural chemical reaction between healthy adults.â
âAre you a fucking animal?â
âMonster, to be more specific.â The way he emphasizes the word âmonsterâ sends a chill down my spine and itâs with effort that I manage to hold on to my agitation.
I slap my hands on his chest to push him away, but I barely manage to move the rock-hard muscles. âGet off me.â
âShhh. Iâm not done.â
âDone with what?â
âWith you.â
My toes curl and it takes everything in me not to knee him or something. Iâve always been bad at handling these types of advances, but especially if theyâre coming from someone like Sebastian.
I guess the rumors are correct after all. Heâd really sleep with anyone, wouldnât he?
âWeaver!â a male voice yells and Sebastian begrudgingly gets off of me, the loss of his body rattling me more than I care to admit.
I jump to my feet, gathering my headphones and bag, thankful nothing was broken, and my attention shifts to the guy headed our way. Itâs Sebastianâs friend, Owen, another buff football player, with darker skin and a shaved head.
Sebastian, however, doesnât make a move to leave, his feral gaze zeroed in on me. Embarrassment and a feeling I canât identify grab hold of me and I want to kick my leg in the air and run in an open field so I can breathe clean air and get rid of it.
âWant an autograph?â I snap, then regret it. I really need to learn how to control my temper and not throw a tantrum at everything. But I guess I constantly have this feeling that everyone is out to get me, and the star quarterback is no exception.
Especially with the taunting way he observes me.
He smiles again in that hollow way that might be a sign his soul was recruited by the devil. âIâll think about it and let you know.â
âThink about what?â Owen wraps a hand around Sebastianâs shoulder when he reaches us. âWhatâs up with you and the Asian chick?â
I place a hand on my hip. âThe Asian chick has a name, doucheface, and itâs Naomi. Tell Siri to spell it out for you.â
And with that, I turn and leave, the echo of Sebastianâs laughter following me long after heâs out of earshot.
By the time I get home, I think Iâve analyzed what happened back at the field a hundred times over.
Okay, thatâs a lie. Itâs been at least double that.
Despite being a cheerleader, I donât actually talk to Sebastian or play house with the rest of the football team.
Sure, Reina, Brianna, and the rest of the squad do, but I donât for the simple reason thatâ¦well, they expect sex. Itâs not rocket science and Iâm not a whore.
So why the hell did I make myself look like one when I looped my leg around his?
Desperate much, Nao?
I text Luce to ask her to call me as soon as sheâs done with whatever satanic rituals for shape and beauty Reina makes them do. But I know sheâll be too busy for me today.
Or ever, for that matter.
She practically sold her soul to the devil, and Reina will make sure to keep her occupied.
Our house, or Momâs pride and joy, as she likes to remind me, sits on a large piece of land in an upper-middle-class neighborhood. We even have a huge-ass garage that we barely use and a fancy pool that Mom can show to her friends when she invites them over.
She always plays the game of âaccept me!â and itâs kind of frustrating. Iâm way younger than her and I already understand that we, as minorities, just donât get accepted. At least, not by most of the racists plaguing this godforsaken town.
If I had a penny for every time someoneâs called me âexoticâ or said I have such âstrangeâ eyes or that my soft black hair is so âunique,â Iâd be as rich as my mama.
She knows all that, but she just refuses to stop trying, which is both courageous and sad, I guess.
Instead of going inside, I rummage through the mailbox, searching for a very familiar black envelopeâ¦
Yes!
I get out Akiraâs letter and smile as I open it. I even pause my core metal playlist. What? It means the letter is that important.
Juggling the rest of the mail in one hand and my bag on my shoulder, I open the letter from my pen pal.
And yeah, that sounds outdated, but his first letter got me smiling, and I needed to smile that day, so I wrote back.
True, I still know next to nothing about Akira, but itâs not like Iâm telling him my deepest secrets or anything. Itâs just something that I look forward to every week.
And maybe thatâs because Iâm pathetic and heâs one of just two people I have as friends.
Dear Naomi,
Should I stop that? Starting the letter with Dear Naomi, I mean. Doesnât it sound tacky to you? I was thinking about it the other day, and somehow, it does to me.
Anyway, now that my musings about the salutation are out of the way, I want to tell you that your story for history class is lame.
You should talk about Japan and the Warring States period. You know you want to. But you can deny it, I donât care.
Well, you were born in America, so you might not consider yourself wholly Japanese, but let me insist on this. Do something cool instead of that old, rehearsed topic.
My studies have been going well. Thank you for not asking. But then again, you probably think Iâm a nerd and that studying hard is expected of nerds. *insert unflattering language here that basically means, screw you if you think that way*
Now, where were we? Right. My studies.
I donât like what Iâm doing right now and Iâm thinking about changing majors, but I donât know what Iâll change to or if Iâd be making the right choice.
Do you ever feel like you understand nothing and when you finally do, the doors are closed? Itâs like you arrive at life too late.
Or is that too melodramatic?
Anyway, Iâm not going to bore you with my lifeâs story. Tell me about you.
Are you still eating the hearts of the cheerleaders, or did you grow some balls and quit?
If that happens, donât worry, you can always be my Yuki-Onna. Or maybe Iâm yours.
Sincerely,
Akira
I smile at the dork. He always has such huge illusions about Japanese spirits and their evilness.
He calls me Yuki-Onna because, according to him, I resemble her with my pale skin, rosy lips, and Asian eyes that are so dark, theyâre nearly black.
He says I have the beauty of the snow woman, a ghost who roamed the mountains on stormy winter days to lure mortals and kill them.
And since then, itâs kind of become our inside joke.
I never thought this thing with Akiraâfriendship, as he calls itâwould go this far, but Iâm glad that I at least have him.
Even if I still donât know what he looks like.
I contemplated asking for a picture; however, not only would he refuse, but it would also kill the image I already have of him. A cute guy whoâs definitely an otaku and talks about porn more than necessary.
Heâs corrupted me.
My feet come to a halt inside the front door of our house. It has a wide entryway into the living area thatâs diagonal from the kitchen.
Mom stands in front of a mannequin, a pincushion on her wrist and a phone to her ear while she pins a piece of cloth to the mannequinâs chest.
She might have become the CEO of Chester Couture, but she still obsesses over a mannequin at home, trying to come up with her next masterpiece.
I hide Akiraâs letter in my bag before she lifts her head. While Mom knows I have a pen pal from Japan, I donât like her touching his letters. We talk about porn sometimes and thatâs not a conversation I want her to be privy to.
âHoney.â She motions at a glitter box and I give it to her.
I opt to go upstairs to my room and grin like an idiot at the thought of rereading Akiraâs letter and thinking of an equally sarcastic reply. Itâs a game of ours.
âNao, wait.â
Iâm two steps in, but I turn around to face Mom. She has placed the phone in her slacksâ pocket, putting a rare premature end to her conversation with her assistant, her lawyer, her accountant. Anyone who needs the great Riko Chesterâs time.
She was born in Japan as Riko Sato, but she changed her last name as soon as she got American citizenship when I was a kid.
Mom is a small woman but keeps her hair long, not short like I do, and she looks like my older sister, not the woman who gave birth to me. She has flawless skin and beautiful small features that she passed down to me. Though sheâs paler and has more dark circles than usual lately.
Her eyes are brown, but nowhere as big or as dark as mine. Which I guess is a feature I got from my father, whoâs sort of a taboo subject in front of her.
âHow did school go?â she asks with a slight accent. Since sheâs first-generation, she doesnât really speak with an American accent as I do, but itâs not for lack of trying. I guess being born speaking in a certain way stamps you for life.
I lift a shoulder. âThe usual.â
Mom reaches for her pack of cigarettes and steps back from the mannequin as she lights one, then takes a drag. âHow about practice?â
âIt was cool.â
âAre you lying to me?â
âAs if I could. Youâd call the dean and get all the deets. Or maybe the coach, since she was there.â
âDo not sass me, young lady.â
âIâm not. Just making your job easy for you since, I donât know, you prefer asking others about me instead of actually attending any of the stupid games I bust my ass for.â
âWatch your language. And itâs not like I donât attend them because I donât want to. Some of us work, Naomi.â
âGet back to it then.â
âNao-chanâ¦â
My stomach flips whenever she calls me in that endearing way. Itâs like Iâm back to being a little girl, when Mom was my world.
Until the red night shattered it.
She approaches slowly, releasing a puff of nicotine into the air. âAre you mad at me?â
âI donât know, Mom. Maybe I am.â
She strokes my arm. âIâm sorry. I know Iâm barely around lately. But itâs all for you.â
âNo, Mom. No. Donât use the excuse that itâs for me. It stopped being for me after you bought this house and secured both our futures. Now, itâs just for you.â
She drops her hand, and although itâs painful and I want her to comfort me again, Iâm well aware that itâs useless. Mom will always do what she thinks is best, not caring about what type of results that brings to my life.
âOne day, youâll understand it all. At least, I hope you will.â She smiles with a hint of defeat. âGo freshen up before delivery gets here. I ordered Italian.â
âWhatâs the occasion?â While Iâm secretly glad sheâs eating in tonight, Iâm surprised she doesnât have some sort of a dinner set up somewhere with all the associates and business partners she has.
âWhy does there have to be an occasion for me to eat with my daughter?â She smiles again, but itâs still with that note of defeat, or is that sadness?
I donât ponder on it long, because she kills her cigarette in an ashtray and goes back to her work.
Me, however? I canât help the giddiness I feel at the thought of having dinner with her.
Maybe our little family isnât beyond saving, after all.