CHAPTER 18- TALKS WITH GYROS~ Ayesha💕

A Y E S H A :-

I Closed the main door after the last guest left, locking the door, I leaned against it and closed my eyes for a brief second.

What Farhan did today was absolutely puerile. And I was not going leave him for that.

Walking away from the door, I entered the drawing room where Farhan was talking to Murat about something. Mama was busy clearing the table and Baba have already retrieved to his room.

Walking towards him I said, "Farhan can I have a word?"

He stopped talking and raised an eyebrow at me, "Later?"

"It's kind of important." I emphasised.

Murat looked between the two of us and awkwardly scratched the back of his neck, "I was going to help mom anyways." He stood up and left the drawing room.

"Talk." Farhan said getting up from his seat.

"Not here." I say seeing mom and Murat clearing the table in our view. I told Farhan to follow me and lead him to our inner courtyard.

"Speak now." He said leaning against the wall and spinning the cage of Murat's parrot, Jojo.

"Why?" I asked folding my arms.

"Why what?" He asked tapping on the cage.

"Why did you did all of this?"

"I told you already about that."

"Farhan this was not funny." I said grabbing the cage.

"Humour me then." He mocked.

"You made me wait for three hours for nothing? And told me nothing about my father inviting you, and you oh so easily blamed it on me. This was so immature Farhan." I glared at him.

He scoffed, "I saw the opportunity and took it."

"This is not a game, it's real life." I snapped.

He snapped his gaze at me, "You made real life a game."

"Oh god." I groan, "Will you ever stop this blame game?"

"Only if you start speaking the truth."

"This." I pointed my finger at him,

"Your attitude is my sole reason I am not explaining anything to you. You can think whatever you wan't, but with your this attitude, never. If you are stubborn then so am I."

He chuckled, "Guilty conscience pricks the mind."

I exhale and then something hit me, "You...you told Jameel to fix my phone tomorrow instead of today."

He mocks impressed, "You really have a brain."

"Will you ever speak normally to me." I bit out in frustration.

He took a step towards me and grabbed my chin, "I don't think someone like you deserves to be speak normally."

"Stop." I whispered defeatedly. "I am telling you Farhan you will regret judging people before listening to them."

"Fine, here I am listening to you, explain. Explain why were you meeting that man?"

"Because he called me...and he was threatening me."

"Why was he threatening you?"

"Because we..." my words fall short as I realise how wrong I am going to sound.

"We....we used to have an affair Hm?" He completed, his grip on my chin increased for a fraction.

I close my eyes as I felt tears pricking. When I didn't reply he scoffed, "Like I said," he lifts my chin, "Guilty conscience." He dragged his fingers and tapped on my temple, "Pricks the mind."

And then he walked away.

"Guilty squawk pricks mind squawk." Jojo repeats.

I hold his cage, "Shut up jojo." I say.

"Shut up. Squawk." He repeated again.

I heard some rustling sound from the right and turned my head towards that sound,

There is no animal in this courtyard except jojo, a cat cannot come here, that sound came from near the room windows.

Or I think I am imagining things now. Shaking my head I exited the courtyard and entered the living room. Mom looks up after placing the chair on it's place and gives me a smile as I close the sliding door behind me.

"Where did you went?" She asks.

"Visiting jojo." I replied.

She chuckles. "He keeps repeating so many words nowadays."

"Hmm." I say.

From my peripheral vision I saw Farhan walking towards us,

"I think we should now leave Mami, It's already late." he spoke standing next to me.

"Um Farhan I was wondering if Ayesha could stay here for a few days? It's been quite a long time." My eyes practically lit up on my mom's suggestion.

I peeked through my lashes to see Farhan's reaction he seemed a little perplexed about making a decision.

"Um Mami..why would I mind, ask Ayesha if she wants to stay what can I sat?" He said gesturing at me.

"Ayesha you will stay right?" Mom looked at me expectedly.

I glanced at Farhan, who smiled at me.

I looked directly in his eyes and spoke

"Yes mom I will stay."

My mom side hugged me happily and Farhan didn't seem to have a flying care.

Farhan cleared his throat,

"Ok then Mami I will take my leave." He took out his car keys and mom smiled saying her bye.

"Okay, Ayesha Now go and escort Farhan to the door." I nodded and followed Farhan to the door, by the time he went to meet Murat, I took his coat out from the coat rack.

"Your coat, husband." I say holding it up as wears his shoes.

Taking it from my hand he wore it, "Your welcome, wife." He replied mockingly.

"Your phone will be here by tomorrow."

I raise my eyebrows, "Why, thank you."

He threw me an incredulous look and opened the front door, walking outside.

Leaning against the doorframe, I watch him walking towards his car. Rain has relatively stopped by now, and now there is just a light drizzle.

Something came up in me and my brain couldn't comprehend before I called out after him, "Be safe."

He turned around and looked at me as if making sure it was me who said that. Giving a reluctant nod he walked to his car and drove away from the front gate of my house.

Closing the door I came back in the living room and found Murat glaring at me?

Now what happened to him?

I took a seat on the opposite sofa of him and he still couldn't stop glaring.

"What's the matter murat?" I addressed him finally.

"Why don't you tell me what's the matter?" He scoffs.

I frown, "What is that suppose to mean?"

He gave me an skeptical look, "You changed."

I groaned holding my forehead, "Please Murat, I don't have time for this."

"Yes you have time for everything except your own family right?"

"Huh?" My frown deepened.

"I've heard after marriage, a woman values her new family more, you had to do it too, but you have completely forgotten us." His glared intensifies.

My head started throbbing and I hold it again,

"What have I done to make you think that?"

"How about today? You gave importance to your husband's clients rather than your own family?"

What the- anger coerced in my veins as I stood up from my seat, "Who did you called? Your brother in law right? Did you called me to tell about this party? No right. If you really wanted me not to forget it, you could've called on my house's landline to ask, but did you? No. You didn't. So stop with your baseless accusations. And if you really want to take your anger on someone, ask your brother in law, not ME." I tried my best not yell at him but I knew I failed miserably.

Mom came rushing in the living room and looked at me and Murat. "What's going on? I heard Ayesha yelling."

I gestured towards my brother who was quite shocked, "Your son over here, has lot's of things to say."

"Ayesha! He is your elder brother." Mom scolds.

"Then tell him to act like one." I bit out, tears forming in my eyes. "He says I have forgotten my family. Ask him does he knows how I cry at nights remembering him, ask him how much it is emotionally challenging to except everything and everyone? Ask him how much my past keeps burdening me everyday and I can't even talk to anyone about it." Before I know what was happening my sobs break out and I slumped back on the couch.

"I am tired mom." I sob, my mom rushes to my side and Murat was now equally shocked. "I am tired mom, from everything. I can't handle my new life, I can't forget my past. I want to hide somewhere between."

"I am alone over there, every single second of day I think of my old life. I remember my family, I remember my brother, my mom, the time with them. And my brother says I have forgotten them. Isn't everything painful enough now even my brother started accusing me." Murat was now beside me, his face was equal mix of regret and worry.

"I am starting to think my whole life is full of accusations on me, and all lie accusations. First my father and now-" I trailed off as another sob break out from me.

"Ayesha, my child, please stop crying." My mom pleaded, her eyes tearing up.

"I can't understand anything mama, I can't." I hugged my mother, sobbing on her shoulder. It was like an invisible restrain around me snapped and I can't stop my emotions.

"Ayesha I am sorry, I wasn't thinking. Please stop crying, we can't see you like this." Murat grabbed my hands trying to get my attention.

"Bas mere bacha, enough please." Mom wiped my tears as I still kept crying.

"Jhoot aur Ilzamo ke jaal mai phas gayi ho mai mama, mujhe koi isse chod waado." I whimpered holding her closer. [ I am struck in a web of lies and accusations mama, someone save me from this.]

"Sabar, sabar, mere bache." My mom kept repeating as I sobbed on her shoulder. [Patience, patience, my child.]

"How much?" I cry, letting all my emotions out, letting every emotion which I kept locked for the past three months.

My brother kept apologising to me, my mom kept giving me comfort as I let my emotions out, they sat with me patiently, wiping my tears away and tucked me in my bed, saying how they will always be there for me.

At that hour of night, I thought only they both witnessed my breakdown, but I was so wrong.

***

"How do you feel now?" My mom asks as she enters my room with a tray in her hand the next morning after I woke up with a killer headache and red swollen eyes.

"Like a truck hit me." I reply looking away from my window and went back to my bed, slumping down on my pillows.

She sets the tray on the nightstand and and sits on the bed facing me.

I sigh trailing a hand down my face, "I am sorry for yesterday."

"It's alright hun. How are you feeling now?" She asks handing me a peanut butter sandwich.

"A lot lighter I guess." I mumble taking a bite of the sandwich.

"Ayesha," my mom calls out after a few minutes and my gut tightens, "Do you want to talk about it?" I wipe my hands with tissue and lean back on my pillows, bringing my knees to my chest.

"Pent up emotions, mama. Frustration most of all." I picked up my tea cup from the tray and took an sip from it.

I take a deep breath leaning my head on the headboard, "Everything going around finally took a toll on me, I guess."

When she remains silent, I continue, "From the drama with Imran to my marriage and life after it. I always wanted to get married mama, but I don't think I was ready for it." My voice cracks.

My mom shifts closer placing her hand on my knee, "Every single day I live with the guilt, how my father married me off, accusing me. Practically throwing me out of his life, to adjusting in a new one, it's too complicated mama."

Taking the empty tea cup from my hand she says, "Life after marriage is never easy my child, a woman has to make a lot adjustments, from excepting her family, gaining responsibilities, and sharing a new chapter of life with someone. All our lives, we live alone, face everything alone, but at a point there is a person for us, who was meant for us. Like a half cracked piece of a glass fitting perfectly with each other. And I'm between all of this, Your emotions are valid." She taps my knee as silent tears roll down my eyes.

"But something tells me it's more than that is bothering you." My eyes snap up to her.

It was a good time taking everything out off my chest. "It is actually." I wiped my face, "I want to tell you something mama. I have been hiding something from you.." She gives me an understanding nod, I gulp and continue without any second thoughts. "From the past year."

And I tell her everything from how Danish started talking to me, to how he lured me with secretive gifts and always pressurised me to keep this relationship private, to how he disappeared completely before my marriage and came back and threatened me to meet him, and how Farhan saw us together in that café. I excluded the part of our argument.

I wiped my tears and looked down, too fearful to catch my mom's reaction. I hear her exhale a shaky breath before she says,

"I can't understand weather I should slap you for your naive actions or hug you from the pain it caused you."

"You could slap me. I deserve it." I whisper looking away from her eyes.

"Look at me." She asks and shake my head looking down, "I said look at me, Ayesha."

Reluctantly I look up at her, she had tears filling her eyes, "Why didn't talked to me about this? What gave you the impression that your mother will not listen to you."

A strangle sob left my mouth, "I was wrong mama, I was wrong, I was scared so much."

"From what?"

"From everything."

"You didn't had too, you know your mom would've fought for you, your brother would've been supporting you. You didn't had to endure that pain alone, my child."

"I'm sorry." I cry. She moves closer and wraps her arms around me in a hug.

"Had I known about this, I would've never give you him your number." She whispers.

I didn't say anything and just hold her close. Taking everything off your chest really lightens your body and soul.

"What...what did Danish said to you?" She asks after a while.

"He is a complete psycho mom. I went there just to make him clear how he isn't relevant in my life and-"

"Did you told Farhan about it before going?"

My shoulder tense and I pull away from her. "No..I-I,"

"You got scared." She filled it for me. "Ayesha," she grabs my hand, "You need to understand that communicating about your problems will take out a solution to resolve it, but when you don't, your problems will start piling up and before you know it will be large painful mountain in front of you, restricting everyone from hearing your voice. Hearing the truth."

I gulped looking down again, "I am scared of being judged, by my family."

"Now you are saying family and judgment together. My child, no families judges each other, and if they does they are not your family." She combs my hair back.

"From now on, you are going to start communicating. If not to your family then to whom huh?" She kisses my forehead.

"You're right." I nod.

"Did....did Farhan said something?" Mom asks after a while.

My shoulders tensed immediately and I tried to play it off, "No,um..-"

"Either you are hiding again or you don't want to talk about it."

My gut tightens knowing she is right. "Nothing I couldn't handle."

She gives me an incredulous look.

"Trust me mom, I am not lying." I say truthfully.

"If you say so." She says, "But remember one thing Ayesha, if you have to go any extent to save your relations do it, but not to an extent where you don't recognise yourself, if any kind of abuse is used you have to know that's your last straw." A chill ran down my spine hearing her words.

I nod as she kisses my forehead and picks the tray and leave my room.

Getting everything off my chest was really helpful but the last words of my mother really impacted my brain. Save and save yourself.

As I was wallowing in my thoughts, I heard the room door open after a knock.

He raises a phone in his hand, which I recognised it as mine, he places it on the bed, "Someone just dropped it by." He stands back and scratch the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Thanks." I say grabbing my phone, the screen has been replaced and a new screen guard has been added.

I hear a throat clearing and see Murat standing by the door and gives me an awkward smile. "Wanna grab some gyros?"

I look at the clock above the study table, "It's just noon."

"Your point being?" He raise an eyebrow.

"I don't want to go outside today." I say looking down at my comforter.

"Oh come on, it's a perfect day, the rain has stopped, the sun is out and so should you." My brother says snatching away my blankets.

"Murat, I am not in a mood, please." I sigh laying down on my bed.

"And what are you gonna do sitting at home? Think, think, and overthink. Let's go out, walk in the park and talk there. Please." Murat looks down at me expectedly.

I had a No on my tongue but seeing his hopeful expressions I find myself agreeing because I feel guilty enough on snapping on my brother, much more my big brother last night.

After finally persuading me, I reluctantly got up from my bed to get ready after Murat left my room.

I didn't had much of my clothes left here, just few night suits and some jeans and tops which I didn't packed with me. Finding a cute Blue knee length crinkle top and pair of jeans, I changed and found a matching jersey hijab under my clothes which I thought I lost four years ago and went downstairs to find a pair of Murat's old sneakers which could fit me.

"Ready? I just need- hey are they my shoes?" I glance from wearing my shoes as I heard Murat approaching me.

"Yeah." I say looking down at the old white Nike trainers which is still very white, because Murat got it wrong size when he ordered them online, so he could only wear till his feet size wore off. "Looks nice, no?"

"No." He sneers looking at my shoes.

"Come on Murat, admit it they doesn't fit you, it's more of my size." I say getting up from the foyer bench, "Besides, I can't wear those." I point to my golden pumps placed on the shoe rack.

Murat forces himself to take a deep breath and opens the coat rack and takes of his coat and throw mine on my face.

"I am in a good mood, I don't want ruin it, let's go." He says opening the main door and going out.

Chuckling behind him, I call out to my mom saying we will be back in hour and close the door behind me after wearing my coat.

"You didn't had office today?" I asked Murat as he drives out of the house gate.

"No, I had an off." He replies taking a right turn towards the main road.

"And baba didn't?" I frown.

"He had an case hearing today." He replies tapping on the steering wheel.

I nod watching as the houses pass by in a blur as Murat turns to a freeway.

I didn't really had a bond with my father all my life. he is a closed off person, he rarely shows me any affection except when he congratulated me when I aced any academic achievement. Other than that we never really talked, I never had a bond with him, and even after he accused me and married me off, I kind of miss him. Don't know what I was expecting but I really hoped he would see me, ask me after not seeing me for months.

As they say, old habits die hard. After 22 years of my life I have come to the conclusion, I am an obstacle in his life, a mere stone in his path. But somehow even after all of this, I still crave for his love and attention.

***

"Damn it's getting cold." Murat says looking ahead at the children playing in the playground of the park. We were seated on a stone bench secluded in the corner of the park. It was a weekday and noon so there were little to less public around us.

We got our gyros and after that Murat said we should sit in a park for while which was just in a walking distance as the weather was nice today.

We just finished eating our gyros, Murat and I got two of them, who knew a breakdown can make you so hungry, anyways now that I am on my second and he is still on his first, he is trying to buy time by small talks, and not talking about what he actually wants to.

"It is." I agree.

"No rain, no cold, so nice Hm?"

"Yes, nice." I agree again.

"No sun also?" He says feign surprised looking around the sky.

"It isn't raining to-"

"Murat." I cut him off.

His shoulders slump down as he lazily takes a bite of his gyro in his hand.

"I am trying to gather my words okay."

"You don't need to." I say taking the last bite of my gyro.

"I do." He says eating last of his gyro and wiping his hands with tissue. "Because I feel you deserve a better apology."

I feel my breath hitch, I shook my head and shove his shoulder. "It's fine. I am sorry for snapping at you. Whatever the reason might be, you are my older brother, I shouldn't have raised my voice at you. Sorry."

Murat didn't reply anything, when I turned to look at him, he was looking down at his feet deep in some thoughts. "No, I am really sorry little sis. Not only for last night, for not standing up for you, not fulfilling my promise. I really am sorry."

My gut twisted hearing his teared words. "Murat-"

"Let me speak. Please." He pleads looking up at me. "Seeing you last night like that, broken, alone and crying was a slap for me. As a big brother, I failed you. I failed in protecting you. The way you were crying, your each tear was like a punch on my gut. At that moment I wanted nothing more than kill the person who made you cry, including me." He blinks back looking around at the park.

A tear roll down my eye as I hear his words,

"I wasn't supposed to say that, I wasn't supposed to hurt you, because I know, because I have seen how you were hurt, broken down in front of my eyes. I've seen you being forced into a life you didn't want, and I couldn't do anything. A fucking big brother I am." He wipes under his eyes,

Tears fell down my face as I tried to stop him, he simply cut me off, "Don't say I am not, because I am. I know I am. Not only Baba is responsible for ruining your life, but all of us are, Me, this fucked up toxic culture, this cruel society, everyone."

"In our society when something happens, it is easily blamed on the woman, why? Just because she is chained by her family's reputation, restricted by her toxic culture which does not give a woman margin to live. And we blame this society, for using this norms, but....aren't we the one building this so called society? We ruin our and others life just because of our culture, which says if a woman is touched by a foreign wind, she is immediately, exiled? How did we live our whole lives thinking this was normal? Thinking that the norms of our dad's family impose are normal, they are okay, but they are not." He exhaled harshly looking away from me.

I bit down my sob looking at my feet.

"And," he chuckles bitterly, "And I realised it after my sister had to face it."

"Murat, please." I whisper grabbing his arm.

"I am really sorry, Ayesha. You didn't deserve all of this. No one saved you, your own family pushed you out." He clutches his head in hand as tears slid down his face.

"Stop saying that, please." I plead.

"I was angry at you before but not now, yes, not now, because now I have excepted my fate. If I had to learn it this way, then so be it. And I am not saying this in a self sabotaging way. Trust me murat. You are not to blame anything on."

"That doesn't make me feel less guilty." He replies wiping under his eyes.

"Murat." I sigh tiredly, "Can we not forget all of this, and accept our present? What has to be done is done, now let's move on and learn from our mistakes? Hanging on the past will give us nothing but pain."

"And what about the guilt which suffocates?" He asks turning towards me.

"Guilt for what? Do I not look okay to you?" I ask, and immediately regret my choice of words.

"You really want me to answer that?" He raise an eyebrow letting out a chuckle.

"I didn't mean like that, it's just that my pent up emotions, anger, frustration, and the sudden push in new life took a toll on me, and when you out of all people said that......I guess I couldn't keep it in." I scratch my nail along the stone bench.

"You sure? Farhan doesn't-"

"No Murat, he does not abuse me nor does he misbehaves with me, he barely talks... I mean he has a reserved nature. You don't need to worry about that." I assure him.

"If you are saying... but you should always know Ayesha, Whenever you feel you need your brother, you will always find him near you, no matter what, and god forbid if there is a next time, I will be there, no matter what."

He places his hand on top of my head and I blink back my tears.

"And I trust you on that. And Murat," he nods his head and I quickly throw my arms around him in a hug, "You are the best brother."

Murat scoffs pushing me away, "Ew stay away, I know I am." He discreetly wipes the corner of his eye.

"Oh the joy of seeing your brother cry." I laugh shoving his shoulder.

"Shut up you, sadist." He shoves my shoulder.

"You cry baby." I shove him again.

"Last night says something else." He shoves me back.

"Ouch, stop doing that." I shove him back harder.

"What are you talking about, you started it." He shoves me again.

"Okay, fine stop." I shove him last time standing up before he could respond back.

Murat scoffs picking up his sunglasses from the bench along with his car keys and an unopened wrap of gyro.

"Loser." He scoffs, "I don't feel like eating this, you want?" He asks offering me gyro.

"Absolutely not, I had two of them. If you didn't want it why did you even got it, brat?" I ask as we walked on the empty cobblestones road of the park.

"Okay, okay, let's give it to that person." He nods looking at the man seated in tattered clothes near the footpath of the park's entrance gate.

"Yeah, better." I agree as we cross the park gate, Murat told me to wait near his car while he gave the poor man that wrap and some money.

Leaning against Murat's car, I watch him crossing the road and walking towards me, but all of a sudden I got a pricking feeling on the back of my head.

On instinct I snap my head back to look at the bunch of bushes of the park, where the leaves rustled, indicating a moment.

Stepping back on alert, I was about to scream when a cat walked out of the bushes, giving me a meow she glared at me and brushed past Murat's legs who stepped beside me.

"Still scared of cats." He tsks opening his car and getting in.

I eye those bushes again. I swear I felt someone was watching me. It was not only a cat.

"Are you planning to get in?" Murat calls out.

Shaking my head I got in the car, and watched the bushes as Murat drove out of the parking.

Maybe I am overthinking things. My brain has faced a lot in this twenty four hours after all.

I thought leaning against the car seat, closing my eyes as my brother drove peacefully.

Only I was so wrong.

*********************************

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A/N :-

Murat>>>>🥹🫶🏻

Please note that I didn't intend to target anyone's culture or religion. I was talking about that toxic culture, totally unrelated to Ayesha's story but woman has to face to save their family's reputation. Woman are no object to be treated like that. Through my story I want to convey this message that our religion does not permit a forceful marriage. This is a work of fiction and it does not target any customs of religion.

Also. I have been getting a lot of messages asking to update my story,

"how long is it taking?"

"Did you forget to update?"

"Update already it's been too long."

Listen, I know that. I realise it too, but I have a personal life too. I need inspiration to write. And when people write these comments I don't feel like writing, cause I feel pressurised.

I admit I update slowly, but this is how I am. I am sorry if I sound too rude, you can ask when I am going to update, but please don't pressurise me and make me feel I am doing it purposely. It's my story why would I do that right??

Sorry for the rant. I really wanted to talk about it. I am not targeting anyone, I just wanted to say it for a long time. Authors have a life too. Please keep that in mind.

Let's spread positivity around us and not negativity.

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