CHAPTER 41- HOME? ~Farhan💀

F A R H A N :-

Gentle breeze caressed my face, so serene it almost feels so real, so gentle, the type of breeze that flows through your garden making you soak that moment forever, the gentleness along with it is so peaceful that lulls you to sleep.

That's what I am feeling right now, calm, serene, peaceful.

Peeling my eyes open my eyes met the sight of large white mystic clouds on a clear blue sky, the white on blue looked so perfect together, as if the blue skies exists for those clouds.

Slowly confusion morphed me as I noticed my surroundings, getting on my elbows I looked below me to see that I was laying on a ground? When did I came here? Getting on my feet I dusted off the mud on my clothes.

What am I doing here? Where is everyone? There were only trees surrounding me in this open area, there is so much mist on the ground as if I were on a hill. The only sounds were few chirping of birds and swoosh of winds around me. Tightening my coat I became aware of the fact that I don't remember wearing this coat, or this clothes in fact.

Panic settled in my chest as I started suspecting my surroundings, where is everyone, why am I alone here? Was I kidnapped? Why can't I remember shit? The last thing I remember was being with Ayesha and... where is she? She was with me, where did she went?

"Ayesha?" I called out,

Nothing but only rustling of soft winds were heard.

"Is someone here?" I screamed again in vail.

"Dad, mom, mina? Is someone here?" Silence. Nothing but silence. The same breeze, the same clouds now looked like a trap to me.

I started running around the trees looking for people asking for help but there was only silence. Stopping at one point I realised I was running in circles and coming back to the place from where I woke up. The sky was still the same the same blue, time doesn't seem to pass, it feels like I am struck here, alone.

Kneeling down I screamed in frustration and fear, my breath was coming harsh pants, pulling my hair I punched the ground several times, until I heard it,

A sound.

A repeated sound of what I assumed was cutting down on a wood with an axe repeatedly.

Getting on my feet, I focused on the sound which was coming from my right, slowly I followed the sound which led me to an opening in the woods which wasn't there when I ran, the sound become more clearer, my feet travelling the distance to the source of this sound,

In a few distance there was a man standing with his back to me, wearing a black coat and pants, he didn't looked old enough, might be few years older than me, he was repeatedly cutting the wood with an axe in his hands.

As I neared him, he stopped his work, marking silence against us.

Curiosity piped me, "Who are you?"

The stranger's back shook for what I assume was from a chuckle, and he shook his head.

"Where- What is this place? How did I get here? I can't find a way out." I asked desperation marking my words.

"Do you know a exit? Can you help me?" He didn't answered.

Why was he not saying anything? "Excuse me, Can you please answer my question? Do you not speak English? Please tell me where i am." I spoke in turkish hoping he might be a local who can help me.

He didn't said anything again, was he deaf? but then he heard my footsteps.

"I am requesting you, please- Are you deaf?" I bit out in frustration.

He chuckled again, making more frustrated, I turned back and was about to go back when he decided to spoke,

"Still the impatient one, I see." His voice, why did it seemed so familiar? My brain was so hazy I can't remember it.

As I was trying to remember that voice, His voice was now near my proximity, "Mera besabar bhai." [ My impatient brother.]

My feet stilled, my hazy brain even more in a frenzy now, the sounds of my heart beat fell low on my ears, my hands were shivering, fingers palpitating, as his words fell on my ears. Mera besabar bhai, bhai,

Bhai,

Brother,

Brother,

My brother.

Turning around with my heart in mouth, my eyes witnessed the face of a person whom I thought I would never seen again, the face I wished to everytime, the face which the last time I saw was covered in blood, the face which the last the time before I put mud on his face, burying him down, down, down.

He grabbed my shoulders as I felt my body sway, still smiling, his Hazel eyes twinkling in mischief, kindness as it used to be, the last time I tried to find that glint in his eyes, it were lifeless. My brother, my dead brother made me stand straight,

"Calm down, don't be so shocked now, I am not a celebrity or something."

His voice, it was same, the voice he used to call to me, scold me, the voice he used to protest, the voice he used to save his city, the voice which was cut off and silenced forever, the voice which I kept alive in my head, the voice I wished I could hear one more time.

He tilted his head, "Come on now, hold yourself together, Farhany."

His face was the same, he looked even much younger, there was no marks to lines on his face as if he had no worries of the world, as if the weight of the world was lifted off him.

I didn't realised I was shivering until I held my hand up and grabbed his arm, and held him by his shoulders, touching my brother to see if he is real, I don't care if this is a dream, I was standing in front of him, I don't want to wake up from this dream ever.

Tears escaped my eyes as I looked at my brother, whom I never thought I would see again.

"Now that you are here, come here and help me, come on."

He turned around started cutting those woods again, my hands felt lifeless when I grabbed an axe he threw at me,

"Bhai?" I whispered hoarsely.

"Yes, that's me." He chuckled, I stared at the person whom I wished I could see again was here, he was same, his voice was same, his eyes was same.

He stopped his actions and tilted his head at me, "Farhan, I am talking to you, come here now."

Begrudgingly my feet moved in his directions and with a last nod of his head, I stared cutting those woods along with him,

"What are you doing here?" I ask him.

"What do you mean doing here, I live here."

"Here?" I mumble looking around the hills covered in mist with no sign of mankind nearby.

"Beautiful isn't it?" He asks,

"It is but........why am I here?"

He stopped cutting the woods again and I notice not a single drop of sweat is on his forehead, whereas I, who just started cutting woods was sweating profusely.

My brother tilts his head, observing me silently,

"I don't know about that, let's find out about it."

He drops his axe and I do the same he ushers me to round the corner around the piles of woods, when we do there were two wooden trunks laying there, he goes and picks one by ease.

"Here, take yours." He motions me to grab the box, when bend I down to grab it my feet stumbled by it's weight.

Huffing I managed the weight of the trunk in my arms and followed my brother who couldn't stop laughing at me.

"Bit heavy I guess?" He asks tossing his trunk in the air slightly and grabbing it with ease.

"Nothing I couldn't manage."  I huffed under the weight, why was his so light and mine heavy?

After what it seemed like walking for hours we stopped at a clearing where there was nothing but a water pump and a small hut.

I dropped my trunk down and breathe heavily, my brother placed his ever so lightly as if there was nothing in it.

"What's inside it?" I motion at the trunk.

He walk towards me and pats my trunk, "Inside it is exactly what's inside you."

I felt my breath hitch at his tone, it was that kind of tone that your parents use after finding out you caused some trouble which you were trying to hide from them.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked with an unknown dread.

His hazel eyes scanned my face, twinkling with curiosity and underline scheming, the same twinkle which always used to be present in his eyes, until it wasn't.

"It is exactly what it's supposed to mean."

I shook my head prying my eyes away from him, "Then why is your so light?"

"Because it's how inside me, light. Free from the world, with no regrets."

"You mean I am full of regrets?" I direct my question back.

The corner of lips tipped up, "Aren't you?"

"You still blame yourself for my death."

I flinch at his words, gulping the lump in my throat I say, "Why shouldn't I?"

"You don't need to."

"I do." I say loudly, the restraints I build around me threaten to crack. "I could've saved you, if only," I chuckled bitterly. "If only I listened to you that day, if only I believed you."

"You did." I look up at him, "You always believed in me. But trust me when I say it wasn't your fault, it wasn't."

"You or everyone not believing me didn't led me to my death, it was own destiny that did." I stay silent as he continues,

"Farhan." He pats my shoulder and I look up at him, with fucking tears in my eyes, my restrain was cracking now. "Birth and death are already written, it cannot be changed, we all have our destinies written. My life was designated this way."

"But I could've saved you, bhai! I could've trusted you, helped you." My breath shortened As tears fell from my eyes, "But I couldn't and why?" I kicked the ground, "Because I am a fucking coward."

"That I could not agree on, you had no play in my death. And I have accepted it, that's why my trunk is light and yours heavy, you refuse to accept Farhany, you refuse to open up, you deem yourself undeserving of love when you are clearly not."

"No one can love someone like me." I mumbled.

"Oh come on you stupid goof, the whole world knows our parents love you, our sister love you and most importantly the person written for you loves you, and she loves you the most."

I was thoroughly speechless at his words, "Listen Farhan, when a person is depressed or overthinking the first thought is always, 'No one wants me' and to know that feeling of being wanted you need to talk, you need to open up to see how many people loves you and wants you in their life."

"But- but what if my bad luck wins against them and I lose them too?" His brows furrowed in disdain as he grabbed my shoulders again.

"As I said before, birth and death are already written by Allah, and there is no such thing as bad luck or good luck, and why do you think of loosing them first? Why not think of the memorable times you could spend with them, loving them."

"I lost you too." My lips quivered.

"And that doesn't mean you are going to lose everyone, you are hanging on my grief for so long so that you can punish yourself, but the thing is you need to learn to live with the grief, cherish the happy memories instead of the sad ones, and one day while celebrating the memories, you will accept everything, my death, grief, anger, regret everything. The grief will be there, you might want to cry your heart out on certain occasions and you can, all of it will be there and you have to live with it, all the while living yourself."

The restraints around finally break free, Sobs break out in the air around us and it became even more louder, it was mine, I was sobbing, I was crying, I was happy, I was hugging my brother, my brother, my brother, mera bhai.

Holding him close as much as I could I sobbed, I mourned, with my brother.

"You deserve every ounce of happiness my brother, without having a regret, I am telling you myself, you are not responsible for anything. Don't push away people around you, they want you to be happy." His voice cracks as he holds me close.

"How could I ever be happy without my brother?" I rasp out.

"You have to. My time with you was limited, but with others you don't how long so cherish that first. And always know your brother loves you no matter what. You have to learn from my mistakes, take my legacy further and to do that you have to start living for yourself."

"I don't want a world without my brother in it." I hugged him as close as possible, memorising the warmth and love of this embrace.

"Your brother is always with you, he never left you. But from now you have to build your path alone, with determination not regret." He pats the back of my head and breaks the hug to cup my face.

"Life is too short to fill up your trunk. Throw every stone out of it and make it easy to carry."

"The woods you helped me cut earlier?" I nod as he wiped my tears, "That was your anger, cut it down and burn it, destroy it but don't let it destroy you."

"Farhan?" A faint voice tickled my ear.

Bhai removes his arms around me and retreats back, I shot my hand to grab him but he shook his head.

"You need to live the present Farhan, plan future and for that you need to leave the hand of your past."

"Farhan can you hear me?" The same voice tickled again.

"Your past will always be a part of you, but it shouldn't be able to weigh you down. You have so many better things to do, better things to change, you can't let your past effect you."

"Farhan please my love open your eyes." The same voice was now pleading.

"Please don't leave me again bhai." I sobbed trying to reach out to him but my legs felt too heavy to move.

"I told you, I never left you Farhan." He started walking back away from me, far, far, far, far from me.

"Please come back to me, Farhan."

"Just know that you will be loved." His face started morphing into the mist.

"No! No!" I fell on my knees when my feet couldn't move.

"Bhai! Please come back! Give me one last hug please." I cried struggling to reach him.

Trying to crawl towards him I fell down on the ground.

"No Farhan. Someone else wants you back. You have to go there." Mist surrounded his body leaving only his eyes.

I cried again as his face was completely drowned in the mist, leaving a light outline of his body.

"You will be loved Farhan, Always." And then he was gone, again.

"Farhan? Farhan! Doctor he is opening his eyes." A voice sobbed near my ear.

"We are checking him ma'am, you need to give us a side."

"I won't!" The same voice said determinedly. "I am not leaving my husband's side."

"Mrs. Siddque you need to follow the protocols-"

"To hell with your protocols that separates me from my husband."

Needing to see the owner of the voice, I tried to pry open my eyes only to close again because of the sharp lights.

"Ma'am we-"

"Farhan?" The voice asks and I felt the lights dim as if a cover was drowned.

Opening my eyes with a light flinch, my blurred vision cleared and I noticed a hand in front of my eyes shielding me from the harsh lights.

My eyes drifted to the owner of the hand, which was my wife, my Ayesha, who had wild tear streaks on her face.

"Farhan." A sobs break through her as leaned down resting her forehead on my shoulder and sobbed silently.

Grabbing her hand, which was on my face, I caressed the inside of her wrist with my thumb, needing the comfort of home. Turning my head as much as I can, I snuggled towards her. She lifted her head from my shoulder and looks in my eyes, her beautiful brown eyes were red rimmed and glossy.

I brought our hands to my chest and sighed in content, Ayesha broke in a new set of tears as she kissed my palm repeatedly.

When I looked at my hand I frowned looking at the tubes and bandages connected to my hand.

It was when I noticed the other presence in the room, a man not much older than me with a white coat and a stethoscope around his neck and a woman in scrubs, sensing my confusion the man says,

"Hello sir, I am Doctor Zoraiz and this is your nurse nazmeya, you are currently admitted in New hope hospital, you were diagnosed with hyperpyrexia. But there is-"

"I-" I regret opening my mouth to ask him because my vocal chords felt dry like a Sahara dessert and my lips were chapped as hell.

Ayesha wipes her tears with the back of hand and makes me drink some water, when my throat felt good enough for talking I asked,

"I am sorry what?" What the fuck was that disease, a new type of cancer? Am I dying?

I felt a hand in my shoulder, I turned to look at my wife who was suppressing a smile, "He meant you had high fever."

Easing my furrowed brows I glared at the doctor, "Could've said in human language."

"Right, sorry Sir. Anyway I was saying now that you are finally awake we will just have to do your vital check and a few blood tests and you will be off to go by the evening." I gave him a cut nod and he gives me obnoxious wide smile, with the same smile he turns his head to my wife and says,

"And now that your husband is awake, mrs. Siddque, would you now allow us to examine him?" The doctor tips his glasses at my wife who bites her lip embarrassingly.

"Um yeah, That will be great." Ayesha replies, "I will go make a call to mama and baba they just went back home a few hours ago." She caress my cheek and with a last look of relief on her face she leaves the hospital room.

I was staring at the door she just left, the remnants of my dream still present in my mind and I feel weird saying but I feel relief coming back to her, to see the relief in her voice after I opened my eyes, as if she wished for me instead of the world and that feeling alone made my heart go wild.

"What was the last thing you remember sir?" I startle as Doctor Zoraiz asks and the nurse adjusts those variety of tubes on my wrist.

I tried to remember what was last thing I did before I ended up here but my mind was a bit hazy, "I think I came back to home after work and went to my room and..." I can't remember for the life of me.

"And you can't remember after that, Alright, Do you remember what happened that day at work?"

I close my eyes trying to remember what happened before I was here, "I can't remember anything."

"It's alright no pressure take your time."

"What am I doing in hospital?" I ask him feeling perplexed.

Dr. Zoraiz adjust his glasses and answers, "Well you were obtaining a high fever from the night before and when the next day your fever didn't lay down you were brought here by your family, don't worry about your fever it's just an throat infection, like I said before hyperpyrexia can cause-"

"I can be treated from medication right?" I cut him off,

He grins, "Nothing a little Amoxicillin can't treat."

I nod holding my head, "What's the date today anyways?"

"Oh it's second of January 2016, happy new year by the way, the time now is seven in the morning you are in Istanbul, turkey, located on the south of-"

"I just asked for the date."

"Right and I provided." He grins just how much does he smiles anyway. He is starting to remind me of Yousuf-

"Did you say second of January?" I ask catching his sentence.

"I did." He nods and his face falls in sudden realisation, "Don't tell me you missed your marriage anniversary or something."

At this the nurse looks at him and with a disbelieving look.

"What? No. I just got married five months back." I retaliate.

"Ha." He snaps and I raise an eyebrow, "So you remember it, thank god." He sighs but straight up sensing the nurse's glare. "So you remember what happened two days earlier?"

"That what I was going to ask, I was asleep for two days?" I sputter out confused,

"Unconscious not asleep sleeping beauty." Dr. Zoraiz clicks his tongue.

If today is second January then twenty ninth December was the day when-

"It was my brother's death anniversary two days earlier." I whisper.

Dr. Zoraiz visibly flinches and sobers up, reaching down he pats my shoulder, "I am sorry to hear that, sir. May his soul witness peace."

He did. He so did.

"So you reckon you took stress upon yourself?" Dr. Zoraiz asks,

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Hey, leaving this doctor and shit behind— let me say it nazmeya." He warns the nurse first who just shakes her head and mutters something under her breath before leaving the room.

Dr. Zoraiz steers a steel stole near my bed and takes a seat removing his glasses and takes a deep breath, "Grieving for your loved ones are never non important but stressing yourself through it, is harmful."

Anger coursing in my veins I open my mouth to argue but he beat me to it, "Now now, don't start being defensive. What I meant was start opening yourself to your family, you take stress upon yourself and get sick because you refuse to share your problems, don't do that."

I could physically feel the shock morphing on my face, he grins again and continued, "Hit a nerve didn't I? Anyway what I was saying is that relive your anger, anxiety by talking, try therapy maybe? Or better your family, god has blessed you with a one hell of a loving family."

Why am I being said this today? Is it a sign or something or am I hallucinating?

"When you were brought here, your parents and sister spend the whole night in the waiting room, waiting for a update on you."

I felt a gravel struck in my throat as my brother's voice drifted in my mind,

You are so loved Farhan.

"And your wife?" I snap my eyes at him as he chuckles, "I could say you are a lucky man to have her in your life, that woman didn't left your side even for a single second. Last night when I came to check on you, she was asleep sitting on the side of your bed all the while holding your hand, and I think today is the only day I saw any other emotion on her other than worry and crying. Cherish what you have man, not everyone has what you have."

My eyes followed the movement of my wife through the large plexiglass window who was walking in the corridor making her way to my room, with phone on her ear, she had this large smile on her face as she talked to someone on the line and wiped her tears at the same time.

"Didn't expected a therapy session with a physician on seven in morning on a random Tuesday but thanks anyway." I grunt out.

He chuckles standing up and patting my shoulder, hard. "Your welcome." He says at the same time Ayesha enters the room disconnecting her phone.

"All done doctor?" She asks politely.

"Definitely mrs.siddque just waiting for his reports and then by evening he might be discharged." He assured her wearing his glasses back, my wife's shoulders visibly sag in relief.

"Thank you, and sorry for earlier, I wasn't really thinking at that time and I just snapped on you, I am so sorry you were just doing your job."

Dr. Zoraiz rolls his eyes, "Eh, no worries, happens to the best of us."

"So I will take a leave now, and I don't think I will able to bid you at your discharge my shifts ends in an hour, don't worry the junior doctor will guide to the process, so Mrs and Mr. siddque," he bows,

"Hope to never see you again." Me and Ayesha visibly rear back at his comment, he looks back and forth between us and smack his forehead,

"You really want to see a doctor again? Come to hospital again, No right?"

"Oh." Ayesha nods, "Yeah never see you again." She smiles.

"Never see you again." He gives me a two finger salute and stalks towards the door, Ayesha takes his previously occupied seat and was about to say something when Dr. Zoraiz catch our attention and turned around opening the door,

"Also, Mr. Siddque, today is Sunday." With that he closes the door and leaves the room.

"What..was that about?" Ayesha asks pointing at the door.

"Nothing important." I shook my head, "He reminded me of Yousuf."

"I was going to say the same." She laughs quietly.

"You know he is one of the leading endocrinologist specialist of Istanbul?" She says suddenly.

"No way, you are joking." I chuckle.

"I am not, he is actually Mina's friend, Abbie's elder brother. There were not any physician to attend you when we brought you here at night, when mentioned about him, he immediately checked on you and took you under his wing for your recovery."

"I didn't knew." Silence settled between us, I look at her to see her picking her nails, a nervous habit.

"You said you brought me here at night, why don't I remember anything?" I ask, "The only thing I remember is talking to you..and nothing after that."

"You had a high fever after we talked, you slept throughout the day, at night when your fever didn't wore off, I panicked and brought you to hospital." She replies, playing with my fingers,

"I made everyone worried for me?" I ask,

"Farhan," she grabs my hand, "Of course everyone was worried, they are your family, they care for you, they love you."

I nod, looking at her face, her eyes had bags underneath and her cheeks were pale.

"Did you eat something?" I ask worriedly,

She chuckles, "You are the one on a hospital bed and you are asking me that?"

"I am," I agree, "And I am also worried about you, the doctor said you never left my side, and knowing you, you probably forgot your whole existence."

"Yes I did, how could I eat something when my whole existence was not well, Hm?" She chuckles poking my arm,

I smile shaking my head, "Didn't knew you were cheesy."

"I am sorry, I.." she chuckles, her leg bouncing, "I just get too giddy when I get too happy or excited."

I raise an eyebrow, "So, what are you now?"

She answers instantly, "Happy. So happy that I can't even describe. I saw your eyes open after two days, I can't express how happy I am." She smiles widely, looking at me.

I shake my head, laughing, "You are crazy." I grab her hand, "I could feel my energy getting back seeing you."

She raises an eyebrow, "Who's cheesy now?"

"Sorry, I get too giddy after waking up from a coma." I reply,

She gasps, "Farhan!" She smacks my arm,

"Ouch,"

"I am sorry, did I hurt you?" She gets up, inspecting my arm.

"No you did not." I grab her hand and pat the space next to me, "Come here."

She helped me sit straighter and sat on the space beside me,

I look at her face again, momentarily getting distracted looking at her, I lift my hand and caress her cheek, the way she melts in my touch, makes my heart fucking explode.

"I had the most traumatic experience of my life in these two days. I almost thought I wouldn't be here. The first thing I heard was you, and I've never been so relieved in my life." I say looking deeply in her eyes,

She looks down at our hands and caress my knuckles,

I gulp, before asking, "Can I um.." I hesitate,

She looks at me, urging me to continue, "Can you..." I hesitate again,

There was a knowing glint in her eyes, "Farhan," she lifts my chin in her hand, "Do you want a hug?"

"If you want to.." before I could complete, she brought her arms around my shoulders and pushed my body closer to her,

Slowly I brought my arms around her back, and hugged her closer to me, breathing in her scent, the warmth of her body against my cold one, made a serene feeling wash over me.

The way her heart beats against mine, like the rhythm was written together, to make a beautiful melody.

I never knew a hug was so peaceful, if it is with her, then I would keep her closer to me, always.

The calmness, the silent breaths, the tighter grips on each other, a silent promise of never letting go,

Is this what home feels like?

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A/N :-

Mannnn the journey.

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