CHAPTER 42- SNOWFALL ~ Ayesha 💕

A Y E S H A : -

I open the door of our bedroom, stepping aside to let Farhan walk in, mama and baba walk behind him, along with Mina.

"Now listen up, as per the doctor's instructions, you are not stress yourself and exert yourself in your work, your office is mine for a week." Baba says watching Farhan sit on the bed,

"A week? What am I supposed to do?" Farhan scoffs, kicking out his shoes,

"Rest, maybe?" Mina chimes in.

"Your baba is right, as much as you don't want it, you need to rest." Mama says walking beside him,

"Fine I will rest, but you all need to stop treating me like a baby." Farhan says shaking his head,

"Then stop acting like one." Baba chuckles, "Alright we'll leave you, let's go Ayeeza."

Mama nods and combs back Farhan's hair, "Rest for a while, you have stressed yourself enough."

He nods, moving back to rest his back against the headboard, his face was still pale, but a lot better than the past few days.

"Also mama tell your son to have his medicines," I say showing him the stack of medicine in my hand before placing it back on my bedside table. "We got a lot bigger ones, now."

"Why do I need them now?" Farhan grumbles,

"You are not supposed to say if you don't them or not, the doctor prescribed it and you are going to have them." Mama says firmly, "Without any tantrums."

"That is highly impossible for benim abicim." Mina points out, mockingly gesturing at the medicines.

"It's alright mina, abicim have no choice." Baba says before pointing at the door, "I have work to do, so good night and rest." He says before walking out,

"He isn't going to do any work." Mama sighs, "He's going to change the direction to his room and then fall asleep."

"And blame it on his mind confusion." Farhan chuckles,

"And whine about it all day." Mina fills in chuckling along with her brother.

"Alright Mina, let's go." Mama says shaking her head, "Rest." She points at Farhan and he gives her a nod.

After they both exit the room, Farhan lays down after I forcefully made him swallow his medicines,

Having nothing to do, I decided to sought out few of Farhan's clothes which came back from laundry,

Checking on Farhan, to see him sleeping, I picked up the basket and walked inside the closet,

Few minutes later I was almost done by keeping his clothes, when I picked up the last shirt from the basket, I stopped and stared it,

It was the same shirt he had worn when we had to rush him to the hospital.

I clutch the shirt closer to me, it was one of the most worst and horrifying day of my life.

I could never forget to fear and anxiety that roped me in that moment when Farhan lost his consciousness, my heart was in my mouth when he didn't woke up that night.

I cried that night so much, the way he expressed all his feelings from fahad bhai's death to their life after, he cried it all, and I cried with him, cried until he couldn't speak a coherent sentence.

He slept after a while, I wiped away all his tears and vowed to protect him always, in the afternoon when he woke up, he didn't have conscious thoughts, I thought he was mentally drained after telling his feelings, but when he didn't woke up till night, that's when I started worrying, his temperature kept rising, not wasting any time, I told mama and baba about it, it was nearly midnight when we rushed him to the hospital,

All the drivers went back to their homes, baba couldn't drive because he can't clearly in dark, so taking the keys, I drove the car and baba helped carry an unconscious Farhan with me,

Mama was so terrified, she constantly kept saying she doesn't want to lose her son, a day after her eldest son's death anniversary. After very few hard tries, Mina made mama stay at the house with bi jaan, and came along me and baba jaan.

Upon reaching the hospital, our anxiety did not deflate either, when the receptionist said they have no physician on call, luckily mina remembered her best brother's was an doctor in that hospital, and I couldn't stop thanking Allah a million times for Doctor Zoraiz.

The two days in that hospital were the most agonising, everyone was there with me, mama and baba took their turns to wait in the waiting room along with Mina. I had called Bilal bhai too, he and Hajra also came by regularly to the hospital to accompany us. Yousuf, who was drowned in his misery, also kept calling me to know about Farhan. My mom was in contact with me, assuring me everything would be alright, she even offered to send Murat to Istanbul, but I declined.

I had support from everywhere. But the fear, the fear which kept eating me every second of those forty eight hours were the most horrifying. The constant fear of Farhan not waking up, to never see his eyes again, to hear his voice again, in no time my whole life depended on him,

I realised sitting on the hospital chair, beside his bed, in which he laid unconscious with all those machines attached to him, I realised I could never imagine a life without him, I cannot live without him. My whole being depended on him,

It is an very unusual feeling, to have your life on someone, that when something happens to them, you feel you would die.

In those forty eight hours, I wished somehow I could take all his pain from him. I would never want to see him any pain.

I got startled when I heard Farhan's voice calling my name, keeping the shirt in his wardrobe, I wiped away my tears, which I didn't realised was there until I felt it.

Stepping out of the walk in closet, I looked at the bed, where now Farhan was seated,

worriedly I walked towards him,

"What happened, are you okay?" I ask nearing him, afraid he got one of those nightmares again.

"Yes," he nods," looking up at me as I sat in front of me, "I need to tell—where you crying?"

I shook my head quickly, "No-no, I think I am getting a cold." I excuse, wiping the corner of eyes.

He gave me a look which clearly stated he didn't believe me, before he could ask, I beat him to it,

"You were saying something?" I ask grabbing his hand,

He nods, snapping out of his thoughts, "Yes, I want to tell you something."

I nod, "I am listening."

He shook his head, caressing my knuckles, "Not here."

"Then where?" I frown, when I caught the look on his face, I immediately shook my head, "Farhan, no."

"Just thirty minutes." He says, grabbing both of my hands.

"No. You just got out of the hospital, I will not let you go out in this cold weather." I deny firmly, "And I think you got your fever from that day, we were out roaming in that cold weather."

"No it did not, that was a week ago." He replies, "Besides who said we would go on the bike?"

"Oh you want to drive your car then?" I scoff, "Nah uh absolutely not, you are not winning this from me. We are not going out."

"Ayesha please.." he pleaded, "I need to tell you something and I want to tell in that place only."

My heart was melting a little but my brain was against it, "Farhan you just got out of the hospital." I sigh, grabbing his face, "I don't want you to exert yourself."

"I won't, and I got out in morning, I've been sleeping all day." He argues, "Alright, I will wear two jackets, along with my thermal wear."

I stare at him sternly, "Then you have to wear an earmuffs and a beanie too." I add, "And I am going to drive."

"What? Earmuffs and beanie? I am not a child." He scoffs, "You can drive but not those things."

I stand up from the bed, "Then we are not going."

He grabs my hand, bringing me back to the bed, "Fine I will wear."

"You will?" I perk up,

"Yes, but only one thing." He says raising one finger, "But the thing is, I don't have a beanie or an earmuff." He smiles mockingly.

"I got em, I have a earmuff." I grin, and his smile falter. "In pink colour."

"Really?"

"Kidding, they are grey." I say getting up from the bed, "Now stay here until I bring out your jackets, socks, muffler, and earmuffs and gloves."

"Why are there plurals?" I heard his voice as I enter his wardrobe again.

****

"I look like a fucking Eskimo." I hear Farhan mutter as we step out of the car.

"It's for your safety, look even I am wearing two jackets and a beanie on top of my hijab." I say pointing at my attire, Istanbul have some crazy winters, there was snow everywhere and the temperature dropped tonight significantly more, so I had to be careful.

"Yeah, but you are wearing a thermal wear on top of sweater, on top of a thickest coat." He scoffs, bringing me to his side, as we walk towards the harbour, "Oh and this ridiculous beanie with gloves too." He says showing his hands covered in his black gloves.

"Oh, I have them too." I say taking out my leather gloves from my coat pocket, "And I am wearing warm clothes the same as you, so stop whining. And thank your lucky stars, we couldn't find you an earmuffs."

We reached the the benches near the rocks of the sea, and I shiver despite my layers of jackets. "We are going to sit here, today." I point at the bench. It's already midnight and there are literally no one, it is a perfect spot.

"Oh come on," he whines, "The third rocks atleast."

"No." I deny,

"Alright, second? Please, my dear wife, please?" He pleads, his hazel eyes twinkling in hope.

We sat on the third row of rocks, I hate how this man gave me whipped for him.

"Wait," I say as we sit on the rocks, I adjust the beanie around his head properly, making sure his ears are covered.

"Do I look warm enough?" He asks blankly, and I nod giving him a pat on his cheek, with leather gloves clad hands.

I sigh, looking ahead at the sea below us, it was too far from the spot we sat last time, I look ahead at the calming sea, the lights of the Bosphorus bridge reflecting on the still waves.

I could feel Farhan gathering his thoughts, so I wait patiently looking ahead at the sea.

"So," he clears his throat, "I had a dream again."

I turn towards him, ready to hear him, "In the hospital, I...I um dreamed of bhai."

He gulped looking down, I grabbed his hand in mine and gave him a reassuring squeeze.

"It was a weird dream, almost felt so real." He says, "I never dreamed of him, you know."

He continues, "The nightmares I used to get all these years, were the part of the trauma I faced. It used be a repeated scene, which I already lived through, but this one felt so real, like it was not a dream but a reality instead."

I stay quiet, listening to him, "I remember, I was alone there, no was there with me, I tried calling you, mama, baba, Mina, no one responded, except him. When I stood in front of him, Ayesha, I felt I was hallucinating, I saw him," he smiled surprisingly, I could see the tears gathering in his eyes.

I leaned closer to him, placing my head on his shoulder, all the while never loosening my grip on his hand.

"He-he felt so real, like he used to all those years ago. In fact, he looked so much younger, so much calmer, so much serene. There were no single lines on his face, like the weight of the world was lifted off from him."

I smile, wiping away the tear from his face, "Did you touched him?"

"Yes," he nods happily, "I hugged him, it felt so so so real. I cannot express that feeling."

"I don't remember much, but I remember him saying that my box was heavy and I need to stop carrying things to reduce the weight I was carrying." He frowned, "He had his box too, but his box was so light and mine so heavy. I didn't understood that."

I listened to him, confused by his confession, "Does that mean something related to your past?"

He shook his head, "I don't know, he kept saying so many things, about my anger, he also said how much I am loved, which I did not believed until I opened my eyes." He looks at me, "Quite literally."

"He said to let go off things, that weigh me down, making me struck to my past and never forgiving myself."

I smile, "Did you understood?"

"Not really."

"Your brother is saying you to let go of your regrets, your anger, you know why?" He shakes his head, "Because he knows you are not the one to be blamed. He wants you move on in your life, Farhan the grief always remains, it will be always there with you, it will be difficult, yes. But that's how you will learn to live with it, as much it is hurtful to say, life continues Farhan, no one waits for no one. Time passes, the one who is gone, will be remembered by some, forgotten by some, and we live with it." I shrug looking at the sea ahead,

"We laugh without them, we cry without them, but then somehow we also learn to without them. This is life, nothing remains constant. You have to go according to it's pace, sometimes we might want to cry, take our anger out but then after that, after that we would want to celebrate them. And then, everything would fall in it's place."

When I look back at him, there is tears shining at the corner of his eyes, "He said the same thing, you know?"

I smile, "Then think it as a sign from Allah, you don't become a better human in a night, go on your own pace, learn things how it is done, feel your every emotion, the happiness, the sadness, the restlessness, the loneliness, because feeling every emotion will make you a human. It's okay to make mistakes in between. And I will be here with you," I bring our joined hands together, "To listen to you in every cold nights at your favourite place."

He chuckles, wiping away his tears, "God, you are so perfect, it hurts me think that I don't deserve you."

"Oh shut up," I chuckle, "I am not going to handle any deserving, undeserving talks, listen to me clearly," I say firmly, "You were written in my destiny and I in yours, if you had gone all around the world, you would come back to me only."

"Okay, ma'am." He says lifting my hand to give a kiss on my knuckles. "I agree that we met by destiny."

"You better." I chuckle,

"Now tell me why were you crying earlier?" He asks out of nowhere.

"I wasn't." I counter, he gave me look which stated he did not believed me, "Alright, I..I remembered something."

"What?" He urges, "Come on, you hear every time when I have to say, it's not fair if you don't share your feelings." He says bumping my shoulder with his, "Unless you don't want too."

"No it's not like that," I sigh, it's always difficult for me to convey my own feelings to someone, but after saying so many things to Farhan, it would make me a hypocrite.

"I just remembered that day," I trail off, unable to continue, "When you...when we had too.." I blink away my tears.

"Hey," Farhan rubs my knee soothingly, "It's alright, don't force yourself to say something you don't want too."

"Oh no it's nothing like that." I shake my head, "I got a little emotional about thinking what happened four days ago."

"You mean my little hospital trip?" He chuckles.

"Yeah," I say slowly, "Your little hospital trip."

"See now you are doing it," he points out,

"What?"

"Hiding your feelings." He says, "You just said to me, albeit in a different condition, but you said feeling every emotion will make you a human. You also need to express your feelings to feel it, this I said."

I chuckle, looking down at the rocks, "I was really scared, Farhan." I whisper, "To say there were two days you were unconscious, it felt like two decades for me."

"I can't tell you how scary it was for me to see you not responding to me and rushing you to the hospital in a panic, it was the worst two days of my life." Tears roll down my cheeks, and I hastily wiped them away,

"There was everyone Farhan, our family, our friends, I was not alone, but I was really scared, I was scared of loosing you.." I whimper, Farhan gather me in his arms, I rest my head on his chest, holding him closer.

"I cannot imagine living without you, it was that feeling that really scared me.." I sobbed, "Even when I think of it, it grips my heart so hard that I feel I can't breath."

"I am here, it's alright." He says rubbing my back soothingly.

"I know, you are here, I always want you here." I whisper in his chest.

"And I will be here," he say lifting my chin up, "As long as you are here, consider me living with you."

I smile, placing my head back on his chest, quietly listening to his heartbeats, which was so much better than the sound of waves crashing below us, or the sound of the cold winds howling around the night sky.

A thought ran in my mind, "When I was in the hospital, sitting beside you, a thought crossed my mind."

"Which was?" He urges,

I sat straighter, still holding his hand, and looked at our hands, "Fanaa baji might've felt a feeling like this too, except her would've been ten times more worse.."

"Because the person she was waiting for never woke up?" He completes and I nod my head,

"Now that I have you, I don't even want to think about something happening to you, it's her will and strength that she lived through something like that." I say,

"You are right, the feeling you described is enough to shake me up, it's the worst thought of living without a person you think as your forever." Farhan says gripping my hand tightly,

"Are you in contact with her?" I ask,

"Not really." He says, "She used to visit us constantly for a year after bhai's...death, but the family rift and other things really made us lost the connection."

"She lives here in Istanbul, right?" I ask remembering what I heard from mama.

"No, she shifted to Ankara two years ago, never tried to made contact with us nor did I, she didn't wanted to talk us anymore, I guess." He shrugs.

"Or maybe," I began, "She might be suffering from her grief too, or she is just too embarrassed by her family's actions towards yours."

"Might be, but the thing is she never tried, and to be honest now that I am thinking, it wasn't her fault but we still didn't try contact with her, I mean we could, right? She was going to be a member of our house."

"Don't feel bad. It's alright, when we return back, we will try to make contact with her, okay?" I say and he nodded,

we stared ahead peacefully, lost in our silence.

"Remember when I told you, the last time I was here, was not a pleasant memory?"

I nod, rubbing his arm,

"It was after I saw the news which was broadcasted by the prime time supreme host, Heer Durrani." He scoffs bitterly.

"That was very low of her to do, how insensitive can someone be? Didn't she her relatives misery? Her own sister was in so much pain, and she did all of it for what? A promotion which will give you the luxuries you wanted, but at the cost of broken relations." I bit back angrily.

"Some people don't think that way, I was so angry at khala and her family, that I lashed out on her, but guess what she had to say?" He chuckles bitterly, "Heer only said the truth."

"They didn't cared about our emotions, Ayesha. They straight up told in our faces, that my brother who we just lost was a thief and...and he deserved what happened to him?"

"What?" A shocked whisper left my mouth.

He nods, his eyes filled with anger, "Khala and her family are very selfish, when they saw they wouldn't get what they desired from us, they did the next best thing, say all the hurtful things to us and break all the ties."

"I never knew about this." I mumble, "What did phupho want from you all?"

"She wanted her daughters get married to the bigger fishes, me and my brother, bhai really liked Fanaa, because she was the only sane and kind person in that house only because of that alliance was approved. But me and Heer? The thought makes me want to throw up even now."

"Me too." I shudder. "After so much has happened, they still invited us to their grand celebration?"

"They really have a audacity to do that." Farhan scoffs,

I remain silent, but then it hit me, "How did you know about this? I never told you."

"I heard amma and bi jaan talking few days back." He replies.

I gauge his reaction, "So..? What are you going to say?"

"Keeping our self respect prior, I would obviously say no." He says and I nod playing with his fingers.

"But," he begins, "I am really petty to not accept the offer and see what they want from us."

I raise my eyebrows, "So you are willing to go?"

"I am thinking about it. Not sure though. What do you say?" He asks,

"Whatever you say, if you want to we would, if you don't, we won't." I reply leaning against the rock.

Farhan sighs, "Let's not think about those toxic people."

"Then what should we talk about?" I ask, raising my eyebrows at him.

"First, why did you go so far? Come here," he says grabbing my arm and brings my closer to him,

"I thought you need some space." I tease, poking his stomach.

"Not from you." He grumbles, resting his head on top of mine.

"And why is that?" I ask,

"Because..." he thinks for a while, "I hate being apart from you."

I look up at him, "Really?"

"Uhm," he hums, playfully pulling my beanie aside.

"Farhan," I whine placing my beanie back and he chuckles at me, sliding his hands under my thick coat, pulling me impossibly closer to him.

"Remember the last time we were here, we were about to do something?" Farhan asks lifting my chin up,

"What?" I ask confused,

"Try to remember," he says inching closer to me, our noses brushed, my stomach fluttered as I remembered.

"Oh um.." I mumble incoherently, feeling his breaths falling on my lips.

"Now?" He asks, his lips dangerously brushing against mine, I shivered anticipating the next move,

He squeezes my arm, I look up at him, his eyes asking the unasked question,

I was in incharge.

Mustering up all my courage, I placed my shaking hand on his cheek, and moved closer so that our lips finally touched together.

I felt the world stop around me, no sound around me made sense, when he moved his lips against mine.

I followed his lead, pouring in all my emotions in this kiss, our kiss.

We moved apart when we felt something falling on our heads, looking up, I smiled when I saw the small snow flakes falling from the sky, on us.

I look back at Farhan, to see his eyes already on me, with an intense look which was enough to melt my insides. My cheeks heated when the reality what just happened set in. If I think I was dreaming, then my shorten breath and tingling lips were enough of an reality check.

He smiles and slide his hand across my jaw and brings me closer to him, with my heart beating dangerously in my chest, I met him halfway and kiss him again.

There we sat on his favourite place, kissing under the snowfall, making a memory.

If I wasn't in love before, I was totally now.

*************

*************

A/N :-

HAJMJFSASZXCVGHJJFSADFFS

OH MY GOD! ARE WE FALLING IN LOVE WITH FARHAN LIKE AYESHA?!

DID THEY DO THE FORBIDDEN THING?!

Kidding.

BUT- AFHHFDDKJ

On the side note, I was never going to write a kissing scene I don't know why I felt it right and I wrote it.

Don't expect something more from me in future. K bye.

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