"I think I'm going to kill someone tonight."
I entered the study practically breathing fire, as Archer turned around to look at me with amused eyes.
"And why, may I ask?"
I fumed. "I have two huge project deadlines coming up, the A-levels are right around the corner, then we have all this work as Heads and now Ms D'Angelo thinks it's fine to dump a truckload of extra work on me? Work which she should be doing?"
Archer frowned. "Why, what did she tell you to do?"
"She told me to do some research and give her some suggestions for a panel discussion she's having with her history class! I don't even have history! Just because I'm head girl she thinks she can ask me to do all her work?!"
Archer held my shoulders. "Okay, okay, calm down. Think. If Ms D'Angelo has set this work, you have to do it. There's no use grumbling or giving death threats. By the way, who were you planning to kill tonight?"
I gave him a flat look. "You, obviously."
He cracked a cheeky smile at that. "Right, how could I forget? You hate me."
"With all my heart."
He held eye contact with me for a briefly serious moment before grinning again.
"Anyway, coming back, you need to do this work, so it's best to get it over and done with fast so you can relax later on."
I scowled. "I hate it when you make sense."
He smiled proudly. "I always make sense."
I rolled my eyes. "Ah, as if."
He mock-glared at me before sitting me down and making me start work on the History research.
God help me.
After around forty minutes, I was finally done with Ms D'Angelo's work. I pumped my fists in the air with joy as I turned towards Archer.
"Yes! I did it, I'm finally done with this stupid work!"
He smiled. "See, look how my advice helped?"
I grinned, rolling my eyes. "That was hardly advice. I was gonna do it anyway."
"Hey! Don't downplay my efforts now! I was the key to your success, always remember that," he said in a grave, dramatic tone. "Never forget your roots."
I burst out laughing and soon he joined in. It felt good to laugh like this with him after an eternity of heartache, complexities and hurt.
It felt really good.
We locked eyes, and gradually our laughter stopped. The air in the room suddenly felt thick with a kind of tension as he looked at me, or rather, gazed at me with a very familiar expression in his eyes. It was too familiar, too scary.
The study suddenly felt claustrophobic, and I couldn't bear to be here anymore. Or I couldn't bear to be anywhere else. I didn't know which one.
Our staring match seemed to go on for an eternity. Maybe it was only a few seconds but it felt like a lifetime of stolen glances.
And missed chances.
But Archer looked like he didn't want to miss this chance anymore. We were already sitting too close, I realised, and our faces had shifted even closer somehow, while joking and laughing.
And now, it looked like Archer was slowly leaning in. Or was I?
I didn't know anymore. All I could see was his face coming nearer, and nearer, and his lips... oh god, his lips, they looked so gorgeous up close, slightly parted. So...so kissable.
We were almost an inch away from our lips touching, when I suddenly realised what I was doing. I jerked my head away from him in a swift motion, my cheeks burning.
"I--I," I stammered, not being able to form a single coherent thought, let alone a sentence.
He stayed frozen in place, eyes cast downwards.
I panicked. "I--I need to go to the loo."
As I got up and practically ran towards the door, I could hear myself saying, really Viv? Loo? That's all you've got?
I shook my head slightly to clear the cloud of uncertainty currently hovering in my mind, as I washed my face in the basin. This was getting too much.
What was bloody happening to me? All of a sudden, out of nowhere, we went from laughing like friends to almost kissing like... like...
I didn't even want to think like what.
Why were we always ending up in such situations? Why couldn't we just be on normal terms without any added tension?
I pondered over this thought. Was Archer right then? Could we never go back to being just friends?
I was terrified of where this was going. This couldn't be good a second time.
I'd given him my heart once, and he'd proceeded to stomp on it with all his might. Granted, it had been a misunderstanding. But still, he'd chosen not to trust me, and that had ultimately broken my heart.
Could I give him a second chance? Could I bear to give him my heart again?
It was ironic how, a few months back, I wouldn't have even dreamed of arriving at such a situation, such a predicament. I would have rubbished the thought as soon as it entered my head, and Archer would still be a sworn enemy.
But now? Who would've thought things would be so so different now?
Who knew I'd start getting all these unexpected flutterings in my heart or feelings in my chest everytime he said something, or looked at me in that strangely intense way of his? Who knew I'd end up caring more about him than what I liked to admit?
Who knew I'd even consider the fact that I was falling for him all over again?
This was too difficult to think about.
I decided I had wasted enough time in the loo and so I returned to the study with as much nonchalance as I could muster.
I pretended everything was okay. Upon entering the room, I smiled tightly at Archer.
"Hey, so I was saying I'm done with Ms D'Angelo's work. Now let's decide what we can do for Funday."
Archer continued to burn holes into my side as I talked about Funday and our potential plans and what we could do, as if the almost kiss had never even happened.
Finally, maybe because he wasn't being able to take it anymore, he interrupted me.
"Vi, aren't we gonna talk about what just happened?"
I gulped and pretended it was nothing. "Why, it's okay! That was nothing, just... just a temporary lapse of judgement. That's all."
Archer stared at me in disbelief. "Nothing? Temporary lapse of judgement? Well, I don't know what you thought, but it wasn't a temporary lapse of judgement on my part, Vi! It wasn't intentional, but just so you know, I didn't want to pull away either. I don't think it meant nothing, but alright, if that's what you think, then fine! So be it. Let's go back to pretending we're in Utopia where everything's perfect."
I could sense the sarcasm in his tone from a mile away, but I didn't want to incite another argument.
"Arch, please, can we not do this right now? I was really liking the rapport we'd built over the past few days and this fight will just ruin everything all over again."
He sighed. "I don't want to fight, Vi. I didn't mean to get all worked up, I just...I don't want to live in this illusion anymore, where we act like everything's dandy and nothing needs to be sorted between us."
I took in a deep breath. "A lot of things need to be sorted, yes, but can we please not dwell on it now? Our exams are coming up, we have to plan so much for Funday...I really don't want to deal with this right now."
He looked at me, hurt lacing his features. After a long time, he gave in. "Fine. As you wish."
I knew I'd hurt him by ignoring the obvious issues and feelings between us, by prioritising other things over us, but at this juncture I had no choice. I wasn't ready to deal with it right now, that too after an almost-kiss which had left me reeling with emotions. I had to give the excuse about studies and Funday (which was partly true) because I didn't want to tell him the real reason.
I wasn't ready to deal with all these things and break the bubble of our friendship just now.
Because I was scared I was slowly, but surely, falling for him all over again.
a/n: my eyelids are drooping with sleep but I can't stop typing this story. somebody help.