Chapter Chapter Four

Me and Zeke had been playing for about two hours, we didn’t really speak and as he was killed for the millionth time I heard in sigh in my headphones. I couldn’t help but chuckle and he spoke softly. “I’m sorry Sash, I overstepped it. I didn’t mean to push you into talking.” I felt a tears pool in my eyes already and I sniffed to get rid of it.

“It’s okay, I shouldn’t have just hung up on you like that. I don’t like talking about my dad, that's all.”

“And that’s your right. I’m here though you know that right? If you want to talk."

“I know," I said softly, not sure if I actually wanted to talk. I groaned, knowing he deserved at least a tiny bit of information. “He was shot." I said matter of factly.

“Fucking hell," Zeke breathed out and I nodded, feeling my cheeks burn.

“We were robbed at gunpoint and he was shot.” I threw my controller onto the coffee table, closing my eyes.

“At your house?” he asked softly.

“No, in a petrol station, just me and my dad. He had taken me to visit a gaming convention. I always feel like my mum,” I stopped talking, my voice breaking and I bit my bottom lip to stop it trembling.

“Your mum?" His voice was still soft and I let out a little scream.

“Why do you live so far away?” I asked, annoyed.

“I know it's shit, I would literally pay a million pounds to give you a cuddle right now". I let out a sob at his words and missed a touch I had never experienced. It was the strangest feeling. I coughed to try and get my head back and sat up slightly.

“My mum blames me.” I spat out and Zeke took a breath in.

“How can she? No way can she,"

“She does, I know she does. The guy who shot him had his gun at my chest." I paused taking a deep breath in, I had never told anyone this story. “My dad jumped in front of me". I swallowed hard as tears escaped my eyes, splashing on my chest and the blanket around me.

“Fuck,” Zeke breathed out before speaking again. “That’s not your fault though, I really need you to know that. Your dad did what any dad would do, fuck any parent would do". I nodded, knowing this is what Liv had told me a hundred times. My mum had never said that to me though, which hurt the most.

“I don’t think she does it on purpose but I can see it in her eyes and I have," I trailed off. ”You have survivor’s guilt, it's a thing I get it". I let out another sob, covering my mouth with my hand. He got it, he understood. “Sash baby you're killing me. I’m five seconds away from checking train times”. I giggled at his words, calming me down.

“I will be fine”.

“You don’t have to be fine though, please let me video call you".

“I look a mess" I said, wiping under my eyes.

“I don’t give a fuck," I laughed at his bluntness and shook my head.

“I’ll be okay, can we talk tomorrow?”

“Whatever you want. Text me your address please?” I swung my legs back to the floor, my heart in my mouth.

“Why?”

“I’m not going to just turn up I promise, I haven't spoken to probation yet," he laughed. “I just want it for when I do come. We'll set something up soon?”

“Yes please. Have you ever been to London?” I asked him. I pressed some buttons on my controller thinking he had gone and flinched when I heard his voice again.

“Yeah but I didn’t see any of it.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, my voice sounding happier already.

“I did three years in Brixton prison so technically I was in London”. He was serious but for some reason I found his statement hilarious and cracked up, closing my eyes.

“Okay I’ll come to you then I’ve never been to Manchester.”

“Don’t get your hopes up, it's a bit of a shit hole".

“So is London''. It was Zeke’s turn to laugh then and I chuckled with him. “I’m sure it's beautiful you're there”. I whispered shyly.

“Now you are really killing me. Get some sleep you sound tired”, Zeke spoke softly.

“I am, thanks I’ll speak to you tomorrow?” I asked, my heart in my throat. I really hoped I hadn't fucked everything up.

“Yes. Hundred percent. Night".

“Night." I said softly before turning my playstation off. I sighed as I got up, tiredness really hitting me and made a mental note to look at train times for Manchester. As I walked up the stairs I thought how long the drive would be? As I got into bed I googled it quickly and was shocked it was only four hours. “Wow" I said out loud thinking it was way longer than that. I grinned while texting Zeke.

S: ‘I’ve just looked, only four hours to drive to you.’ I giggled as he texted me back immediately.

Z: ‘What? Thought it was way longer than that. Okay get your calendar out we have plans to make’ another text popped up making me grin.

Z: ‘Address!!’

I sighed, rolling my eyes to no one as I sent Zeke my address, placing my phone on my bedside table and hoping sleep would come soon. I was emotionally exhausted and knew tomorrow would be a new day.