CH 31

Hearing footsteps in the front of the corridor, I looked up and met an obviously surprised pair of eyes.

Anyone who finds someone sitting in front of their hotel room late at night would find it a little weird, not to mention if this same person had broken their appointment previously.

“Sorry for disturbing you so late…” I stood up.

He gazed at me deeply. “You never disturb me.”

I smiled bitterly. I don’t care about what he says.

He turned to open the door, then twisted sideways to let me in. “Have you waited for a long time?”

“I’m fine.”

As soon as I touched the soft sofa, I felt exhausted. He poured a glass of spring water and handed it to me.

“Tired?” He sat next to me.

“A little.”

I closed my eyes, and a long time later I heard his soft voice: “Go to bed. It will be uncomfortable for you to sleep like this. Don’t go back to the dorms at this time of night. I will sleep on the sofa, or ask for another room.”

“Xi Xichen.” I opened my eyes to look at him. His eyes were very gentle, with some caution.

“Mary–the doctor who treated me before, I think you know her too–she called me and said something.”

I saw his brow furrow.

I sighed, “It is not unclear to me how much of my life I owe to you.”

“Yes. Are you disgusted?”

I shook my head, “No, I’m not going to get cheap and be good.” I said seriously, “I thank you for what you did for me. You let her help me, and because of that my legs are not crippled and my left hand  works. All of this, to be frank, is because of you. I am very grateful to you, but besides being grateful—”

“Don’t make it too absolute.” He suddenly stood up and interrupted me, “Don’t make it too absolute.”

When I stood up as well, he actually took a small step back.

“Anjie, I don’t need you to be grateful to me, I just hope that you don’t dodge me anymore when you see me and start to take a serious look at me.”

I did not know what to do. I had thought I didn’t owe anyone anything during those years, and I hadn’t expected that I was being blessed by him all that time. I kept talking about hate, but I had actually been favored by him.

I sat down again and supported my forehead with my hands. Xi Xichen knelt on the carpet in front of me, staring at me.

“Anjie, is it because of me that you are unhappy? What happened?”

“Mary has blood cancer and it is in the advanced stage,” I blurted out.

When I said this, my eyes teared up instantly.

Although Mary and I didn’t interact very often, we were almost like relatives. She’d confessed to me that she took good care of me because of someone’s “please”.

During the call she’d said, “I’m sorry, kid.”

“She may not live to see this Christmas,” I whispered softly.

Xi Xichen hugged me.

“Go and see her…If you are willing, I will accompany you.”

“She won’t let me come.”

I was too tired today to think about the matter between me and him, no matter how tightly he held me.

In the end, exhaustion and sleepiness were no match for me, and I fell asleep.

I woke up suddenly at three o’clock in the morning, and found myself sleeping peacefully on the bed in his bedroom. The surroundings were quiet and there was no one else in the room. I got up to wash my face, and when I saw myself in the mirror, for the first time ever I felt uncertain.

I’m not sure if I am a little comfortable in furthering this along with him.

I left early that morning and did not see Xi Xichen.

In fact, I didn’t see him again for a while, and in the end, I finally went to see Mary. She looked much older, and all her children had rushed over to her from the United States.

As soon as she saw me, she quoted from her favorite Shakespeare, “The power of love is peace. It never cares about reason, convention, and honor or disgrace. It can make all fear, shock and pain, sweet when you experience it.

“Child, you need this kind of power, to be happy. You are too unhappy. That day, the gentleman came to me and begged me to heal you. His eyes were full of panic and sadness. He told me that because of some kind of reason, he can’t take care of you in person. My dear child, if he still cares about you now, you should look back for him. Don’t cry for me, I am going elsewhere, where there are flowers and birds. Maybe I will be able to find my husband and I won’t be lonely.”

Mary’s view on death is very light, perhaps because she is used to seeing death as a doctor.

We solemnly said goodbye before I left, knowing that we might never see each other again in this life.

On the train going back, I kept looking out the window. The sunny day in late spring looked particularly high and far away. Even in the evening, when the sun set, the red clouds in the sky did not look so heavy and suppressed. The distant mountains at this time also looked red, but when the sun finally went down, everything looked calm again.

After I returned to school, I got busier and busier since I was about to graduate. It was not surprising to me that I would think of him occasionally. Previously, when I thought of him, it was in a depressing way, like being afloat on the water. Thinking of him now though, brought along with it a sense of turmoil.

But then one day, as I packed up my books and notebooks in a hurry and rushed out of the library, I saw him standing next to the large column at the entrance, wearing a slim dark windbreaker and holding a black umbrella. My heart fluttered slightly.

I didn’t know when it started to rain outside, but it was late in the evening, and it had already gone dark. He came over holding the umbrella over my head.

“I went back to China some time ago to deal with some things. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t know if you wanted to know,” he explained quietly.

“How did you know I was here?”

“Your friend, after the interview, she left her phone number. I called her and asked where you were. She said that you are basically always in the library before dark these days.”

I had seen the school magazine’s recent issue two days ago. Tina did a really good job. She’d interviewed several “celebrities”and he’d ranked first on the page. The content had been acutely concise but there were no photos attached.

We walked along in silence. Remembering that we used to argue coldly together before, the silence made me feel slightly embarrassed.

But this was nothing compared to what happened next.

“Anastasia, I like you! I love you!” A French boy stood blocking our way in the rain with arms outstretched in front of him. He had been pursuing me since last year. Even though I clearly told him that I was not interested in having a boyfriend, he still tried from time to time.

“Anastasia, who is he?” the boy asked.

“No one.” I spoke in French, so that Xi would not understand. “Jean, I said you can’t embarrass me like this anymore.”

“But I love you.”

“No, you don’t love me, you just can’t accept my rejection. Jean, it’s raining, you should go back.”

“Don’t you feel comfortable in the rain? Would you like us to go together?” He reached out to try and pull me, but Xi Xichen stopped his hand. He stood a bit taller than Jean.

“Okay, okay.” He shrugged. “Anastasia, then I will come to you next time and tell you I love you.”

Although I had been in France for so long, it was still difficult for me to understand some of the French thinking.

“Am I no one?”

I froze.

“Do you know French?”

“Only a little bit,” he whispered. “I kind of envy him when I see that he can confess to you so unscrupulously.”

I pursed my mouth and didn’t speak.

The rain suddenly got heavier and the drops on the umbrella thundered into the nylon fabric. I shuddered as I felt rain drip onto my shoulders, and then when his hand reached out for my waist, I took a subconscious step back straight into the downpour.

His eyes darkened, but he immediately gave me the umbrella, his hair quickly becoming wet. “The man did say it was comfortable to get in the rain.”

“Xi Xichen.”

He wiped his face. “You can rest well when you get to the dormitory.”

I tried to approach him, but he shook his head.

“You are walking with me but your body is always stiff. I will stay in France for a week at the hotel room. Anjie, if you want to see me…you know where to find me.”

I looked at his back as he left. He had always been arrogant, but sometimes he was also very melancholy. I didn’t know that I possessed the ability to make such a rock-solid person easily frustrated.

Back at the dormitory, Liang Aiwen said as soon as she saw me, “I heard that Jean is going to trouble you again? His friend posted it on Twitter. What does he like about you? You are obviously boring to death.”

I ignored her and lay on the bed.

I thought that if I didn’t look for him, he might not come to me for a while. However, I received his call early the next morning.

“Anjie, are you free now?”

“I have something.” I was about to go to the tutor.

He hesitated for a moment.

“I’m in the hospital now, can you come over?”

“Hospital?” I was a little surprised and a trace of worry flashed in my heart.

Then I heard him choke twice, “If you are not free, forget it.”

“Wait,” I said as he was about to hang up, “Which hospital?”