CH 38

We were sitting in a taxi, heading towards the beach. When the car stopped in front of a small European-style villa, I was shocked. I thought we were just going to look at the sea view.

“You bought a house in Finland…?”

After paying the taxi, Xi Xichen pulled me out of the car and said, “I saw this house on the Internet and I asked my friends to help me deal with it. Today is also my first time seeing it in real life.”

The house was built on the gentle slope of a lush hillside with a wide and clean asphalt road extending into the distance and connecting the property with the blue sea.

“I know you like to size up the yard. Are you satisfied?” Xi Xichen asked.

“Very beautiful.”

I opened the small white door and walked in. A gravel path wound its way under the eaves with a green lawn and flowers on both sides. I looked left and right. The nearby residents had their doors and I only heard the sound of wind chimes.

I turned around, “Are we going to live here in the future?”

“If you are willing to.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle slightly. “Mr. Xi, am I right to respond to the saying, ‘An honorable person takes care of me, and I am fully clothed in my life’?”

Xi Xichen looked at me with deep eyes shining brightly, before suddenly picking me up and turning me around. “Anjie, I am in love.”

I felt a little dizzy, and just said, “Well, the current situation seems to be the same, of course, if you–”

The next words were swallowed fiercely by his kiss. To be honest, he uses this trick too many times.

A minute later, he said in my ear, “Sleep with me.”

“…”

He laughed. “If you want to ‘sleep’ like that, I’m happy to cooperate.”

Why did I think he couldn’t be more serious before?

We went inside and Xi Xichen went to take a ten minute shower. He then closed his eyes as soon as his head touched the pillow.

“How long has it been since you slept?” I didn’t know he would be this tired.

Both of his arms were wrapped around my waist, and he answered in a sleepy and languid tone, “Forty-eight hours, I think…”

I wandered over the balcony of the master bedroom after he had fallen asleep, and stood feeling the sea breeze brought in with the coolness of late autumn. The sky was a bit dark, the light from the lighthouse in the distance was already on, and the surroundings were quiet except for the crashing of the waves.

I had called my aunt before. She had taken a reckless attitude towards the matter between me and Xi Xichen.

Last time Xi Xichen came to Finland, my aunt had said to me, “If you really decide to accept him, I won’t be able to do anything about you mandarin ducks. 1 I have always hoped that you have a good life. I said he is not suitable for you, I have seen more people and things than you, and have more experience than you, but I still can’t predict the future after all.”

When the phone rang, I was taken aback before immediately dashing into the room. I picked up his phone and was about to turn it off so as not to wake him up, when I saw who the caller was. Auntie Qing?

I hesitated then pressed the answer button.

“Xichen, are you there?” Shen Qingyu asked, “Did you find her?”

Find who?

“That kid, running out of control like that last time is really unnerving. It was indeed our mis-consideration to arrange for her to have a blind date with Mr. Chen, but I didn’t know she’d be that repulsed.

“Xi Chen, I know you have never liked to take care of Jian’s affairs, but your Uncle Jian is so busy now. He doesn’t know I’m looking for her, but I don’t know who else can do it besides you. She would be even more repulsed by me if I came out, so I can only trouble you.

“Anjie is his daughter, severing ties…it doesn’t look good. She has finished her studies now so see if there is any way to persuade her to come back.”

“…”

Is there anything else I don’t know?

I ended the call.

It was ironic that I was still thinking of a possible future between us.

Suddenly an excessive force pulled me backwards, and I slammed into a warm chest. I tried to struggle, but the arms that crossed around my waist were like a cage of iron walls.

“Anjie–”

“Let me go.”

“No, I know what you’re thinking!” He breathed very quickly with a kind of fear.

I closed my eyes in pain.

“What are you thinking about, Anjie?” Xi Xichen’s voice trembled, “You have to believe me…”

What should I believe?

I tried to calm myself down. I wanted to get rid of him, I wanted to grab the door and run.

“Anjie…”

“Let me go,” I repeated

“No.”

I felt his trembling fingers slip into my collar and clasp the back of my neck.

“No matter who says it, no matter what other people think, I just want you to believe me.”

I turned around and met his gaze. Something seemed to be surging in the deep darkness of his eyes.

“Should I believe you, Xi Xichen?” I asked slowly as I stopped struggling.

His body shook visibly, and in the next second he hugged me tighter with a force that could almost crush me.

“No,” the suppressed voice was no longer so tight, but a little muffled, “it’s not enough, Anjie. Now I want you to love me.”

Under that frank and almost greedy gaze, I turned away a little scared.

“I love you, Anjie…”

He lowered his head and kissed my forehead, the bridge of my nose and my lips. I shuddered slightly, trying to push him away. It was going too fast, and my mind was still messed up. I was annoyed by my confusion and that I seemed to be infected by his madness.

“I love you,” he said over and over again, and the kisses fell on his shoulder and neck.

“Wait.” I tried to stop him, but I realized that the gasping voice was no longer my own.

“Anjie, I have waited for twelve years, and you must know that men are very despicable and shameless. You will not believe that I have committed blasphemy to you several times in my dreams and outside of my dreams. But even though I feel that…Anjie, I won’t hurt you. If you don’t want to, I won’t continue…as long as you don’t leave me.”

After a long time, I finally slowly raised my arm around his shoulder.

I felt his body freeze instantly.

The next moment, he groaned out in a lustful voice, “Do you know what this means?”

It means I want to believe him, I want to try to walk with him, and hope for a future where someone can hold hands with me instead of being alone.

I thought of some ancient poems I had read when I was a child. I thought of him, I thought of the phrase “life is only love to die”. As I thought of myself at this moment, a phrase jumped into my mind.

‘Change my heart for your heart, and we will remember each other deeply.’