Chapter 11

(Chapter song ‘Bad Habits' by Ed Sheeran)

ANNA “Anna?”

Michael turns to me after River left. His arms are still crossed and I’m not liking the look on his face. “Who was that?” His eyes scan me like I’m under interrogation. His tone sounds like he’s pissed.

I ignore him, shake my head and turn into the house. "I told you.” I don’t look his way as I walk into my living room to clean up. I pick up the glasses River and I had. “He helped us with Karver. He's a friend. That's it."

Carrying the glasses to the kitchen, I hear Michael following behind me.

"What was he doing here?" He words were unexpectedly sharp. I really didn’t like him prying into my life like this.

I drop the glasses in my sink a little harder then I intended and turned to him. I lean on the edge of my sink. "That’s none of your business, Michael." I cross my arms and narrow my eyes just a bit.

He steps closer. "It is my business, Anna. I have to watch out for you. I don't like guys just sniffing around." He throws his hand to the front door.

I narrow my eyes and turn my head to the side slightly. "Listen. I never asked you to watch out for me. I don't need you protecting me and you certainly don't own me.” I push off the sink and glare at him. “Who I spend my time with is none of your concern."

His face fills with irritation. "So, what?! The other night meant nothing to you? You've been avoiding me for days, Anna. Is he the reason why?!" Again, he threw a finger to the front door as he leaned to me, glaring.

“You need to leave.” I push past him and start down the hall to the door.

“No. Anna. You have to tell me. Are you seeing him, too?” He demands.

I get to the door and spin around. “I don’t have to tell you anything! You’re not with me, Michael.” I flop my hands out the side and shake my head.

He stands close to me. “What about us then? You’ve been gone for a week and I haven’t heard anything from you. I told you I love you…”

“Michael…” I whine, placing my fingers on the bridge of my nose and a hand on my hip.

He points in my face. “I can’t deny my feelings, Anna and I need you to tell me the same thing.” He stares into my eyes.

I shake my head and flop my arm down. I look at my walls, biting my cheek. I wasn’t prepared for this conversation at all, though I think I felt it coming.

“Anna…” He quietly barks, looking for an answer.

I heave a breath and meet his eyes. "Look, Michael. I care about you. You've been with me for everything. If it wasn't for you when David......I don't know what I would've done."

He cups my cheek and strokes it with his thumb. "No one will ever love you more than me, Anna. I need you. I know you feel it. Deep down, you know we’re right.” His face seemed to soften as he searches my eyes.

I pull his hand off me. "Michael, I can't say I don't have feelings for you, but can't say that it's love. Not right now."

He looks for any kind of doubt in my eyes. He won’t find any. He bites his top lip and nods. “I see.” He mumbles and pushes past me, throwing the front door open and pushing the screen.

"Michael.” I say to his back. I could see his heartbreak. I know he wants me to say it, but I can’t lie to him.

He stops and turns. Holding the door. "No…Anna!" His anger grew as he points to me. "For four years, I gave you everything.” He swipes his hand between us then points at me again. “In that whole time, I asked you for absolutely nothing.” He held his hand up and raised a finger as he talked. “I answered every call. Every text. Mornings and nights…”

He tosses his arm out. “I certainly never complained every time you banged on my door at 3 am piss drunk, okay. I don’t care!” He thumps his finger into his chest numerous times.

I fold my arms as I’m riddled with shame. I press my lips together as my face fills with it.

He leans in and throws a finger in my face as I try to reduce the embarrassment coursing through my veins. “The only thing I lived for was to please you. Now, I ask you to feel me. Really feel me, Anna. I pour my heart out to you and..." He lets go of the door and scrubs a hand down his face.

I stop the screen and step to him. "And what?" I searched his face. “Michael? What?”

"Nothing. Just forget it." He turns and jogs down the steps to his car.

I step onto my porch. “Michael!” I call to him as he reaches his car door. He shoots me a glare and gets in.

I watch him back out of my driveway and speed off up the road.

I walk into the house, close the door and go to my couch. I lay down.

When I look at things from Michaels perspective, I can see why he’s upset. I basically had my way with him with zero thought to his feelings. Now, I don't know how to handle it. I was happy just having him as a friend and the occasional lover, but now he's changed everything.

He made love to me in the clearing that night. Poured his feelings out right there in the grass. I didn’t acknowledge them. In fact, I got mad at him for even having them in the first place when it was my fault to begin with. I should have known this would happen eventually. I should have seen this coming.

Why can't I feel the same way? He's everything I want. Everything I need. But I can't feel the same way.

Then there's River. I didn't think anything of him until today. I dump my garbage on this guy I barely know and he comforts me like I've known him for years.

His kiss lingered on my lips the whole time Michael was here. The taste and feeling of him sat in the back of my mind while I broke Michael’s heart.

Is that my answer?

There’s something different about River I want to explore. The feel of his skin was something I haven’t felt in years. It made me feel like I wanted more. The sensation of touching his scar and muscles went straight to my core. I won’t deny that he turns me on.

If I have these brewing feelings for River, I can’t lie to Michael. I can’t tell him what he wants to hear. It wouldn’t be fair.

I sit up on the couch and lean on my knees. My heads a mess. I need an outlet.

Fifteen minutes later, I’m tearing up the highway between Falcon Ridge and a city called Caledon. Basically, our sister city. The two city’s control all the military power in the Alliance.

Falcon Ridge has the best wolf woods. The forest is thick and thin in all the right places to let our wolves have the best release of pent up frustrations. The Caledon woods are different. I won’t be running in these woods. It’s not what I’m here for. What I’m here for is a nice dirt bike trail that I can get my bike into.

The wind whipped through my hair as the deep, dark forests whizzed by on either side of the two lane highway.

It’s strange, the entire alliance is surrounded by trees, but these particular woods always felt special to me. Like there’s way more to them then they let on. I’ve come this way a lot ever since I tried to end my life. Between the solitude on my bike and the feeling of spiritual connection in the trunks of the forests, I’ve come to treat this as my fortress of solitude, if you will.

No one ever comes out here. Local kids say it’s haunted. I don’t think so. I just think the trees like to talk.

After about 45 minutes, before the trees end and Caledon’s open space begins, I slow down and turn onto a tree covered trail.

My engine chugs and revs over the small hills and into the dips in the ground. The bushy overgrowth hits my thighs. It’s definitely grown in since I was here last.

I carefully maneuver around the twists and turns until the growth thins and I see the space I’m looking for.

I stop and kill the engine at the clearings edge. The wind whips through the tree tops filling the air with the sound of waves of rustling leaves. It’s like a greeting to me.

I sling my leg over and get off my bike. I kick a rock under the kickstand and take off my jacket, throwing it over the seat.

I stuff my hands in my pockets and walk into the long grass. I kind of smile as the white butterflies flitter around, minding their own. Why can’t people be like that. Just go out and do your thing without people getting in the way.

I walk to the center of it and lay down in the grass. The ground is moist, but I don’t really care.

I place my hands behind my head and stare up at the sky. The blue was starting to be flecked with purples and oranges as the dusk started to settle in. I could see the hint of stars behind the occasional cloud that floated by.

As I appreciated the simplicity of the sky, my complicated life flooded in. How did it get this way? Why did it have to be like this? Why us?

I swallow as a small tear fall out the corner of my eye and down my temple. "Why did you have to leave?" I choke to the air. "Everything was so simple when you were here.”

I sit up and pull up a knee. Picking at the grass, I ask questions I know I'll never get answers to. “I’m so lost, David. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I just don’t see the point if you’re not with me.” More tears fell as I took a deep breath in.

I sit and listen to the trees talk as the breeze runs through them. "I know Michael loves me, but I just don't know what to do..."

The warm wind blows across the clearing. I close my eyes, feeling it deep inside, hoping there’s something that can help me riding on the current.

Instead of answers, a low growl hits my ears and my eyes shoot open.

At the edge of the clearing, about fifteen feet off me, stands a massive jet black wolf. He’s tall, strong and curious.

My mouth went small and my eyes widen. I dig my nails into the dirt preparing to wolf out if I need to. I stupidly left my weapon at home.

He comes into the clearing at an angle using a soft gate. His blue eyes stare me down. He’s not a rogue. He looks familiar.

Once he closes the gap half way, he stops and lifts his head. He sniffs the air and his eyes connect with mine. He licks his lips and his ears flick back and forth. I see his tail wag a tiny bit and his paws shuffle in the grass. He lets out a little whine and calls the wind.

The naked man who invaded my space, finds my eyes and bites his upper lip.

"River." I whisper as my face falls.