Chapter 18: Turmoil

CLARA

I picked up my mug, took a breath, and asked my first question.

“So,” I finally began, “I’m guessing last night wasn’t the most vivid dream of my life?”

Elias chuckled and shook his head.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. That meant I had a ~ton~ of questions. The first was: Where to start? With the easy ones, I supposed.

“Is it lonely, living out here in this big cabin all alone?”

“A little,” he replied.

I stared expectantly, but Mr. I-Don’t-Elaborate seemed to be fielding the questions today. Eventually, he seemed to catch on.

“The whole pack lived on this land in the past. But we outgrew it long before even my twice-great-grandparents were born, and most of the outbuildings are long gone. Today this cabin serves as just a headquarters of sorts.

“For a while the council, the six wolves you met, used to live here with me. But now they have their own houses and mates.”

I definitely caught the way his voice shifted at the last word, but I couldn’t feel his emotions like I had last night.

“I see. I’m having to get used to a quiet, empty house too. I mean, I’m grateful to be away from my abuser and taking back my power, but coming home to a silent apartment is hard sometimes.”

“I understand,” he said, and deep down, I knew he did. “The werewolf curse makes for a much smaller social circle. And being the alpha is even more isolating. An alpha who hasn’t found his luna is the deepest loneliness.”

Truthfully, I couldn’t say that I was able to empathize with that level of what sounded like intense responsibility. But I did see the way the light in his eyes died, and I felt the urge to make it return.

“I’m sure you’ll find her,” I assured him, though some part of me felt sad saying it.

It was like giving our budding…whatever this was, an end date. A luna would have to be a werewolf, I guessed, which meant I was out of the running for anything serious.

Even if I was related to Xavier’s pack, I’d never shifted. Never felt anything strange or wolflike about myself. It was fair to assume that I wasn’t a werewolf. The gene must have skipped me.

Yet last night, I’d heard Elias refer to me as his mate. Which was…weird.

“Yeah,” he replied, his gaze intensely focused on me.

It sent a shiver down my spine, but not an entirely unpleasant one. It felt like the kind of knowing look a couple married for decades gave each other.

I stared into those eyes for a long moment before breaking the spell he had me under.

“Xavier was talking about some kind of prophecy. What was that about?”

“Nonsense.” Elias’s jaw flexed.

I recognized that I shouldn’t push that topic right now. And as much as I wanted to know if he thought I really was related to Xavier, I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that answer yet. I froze, not entirely sure where to take the conversation next.

But Elias took control. “Did you still want to go hiking today?”

With everything I’d seen and heard in the last twelve hours, the thought of going back into the forest was more than I could handle.

I needed time to process what I had seen and heard.

Alone.

“I…don’t really,” I replied, subconsciously preparing myself for one of two reactions: anger and demanding that we go, because I never want to spend time with him, or whining and reminding me that I’d promised yesterday and I was letting him down.

But Elias simply nodded once. “Okay. I’ll show you another time.”

And with that, the conversation was over.

My head reeled with the unexpected response, while my cheeks flushed at how nice it was to be respected.

I could get used to that.

***

Back in my apartment, it was easier for the fear to have its say.

In this dusty, empty space, Elias’s handsome face wasn’t there to cloud my judgment. I somewhat regretted coming home, honestly. Without work to distract me and nowhere to go, Sunday was shaping up to be pretty rough.

I should have asked him about the Renskyns. As the alpha of his pack, he probably knew.

Wrapped up in a blanket, I pulled my knees to my chest and leaned my back against the wall.

How had everything gone so wrong? It seemed like every time I found something good, it turned out rotten to the core. Even Elias…

He seemed to be exactly what I needed. Strong, self-assured, but also quiet, introspective, and respectful.

And a monster.

The itch to move overcame me. I started pacing my empty living room as if I intended to wear a trail through the carpet to prove I existed.

Elias’s transformation played over and over in my head like a GIF. Him falling to his knees. His body distorting. The fur sprouting from his shoulders. The way his face lengthened and his teeth grew. It sent violent shivers down my spine repeatedly.

But I also remembered the expression in his golden eyes. How soft they were, even as a giant wolf. How warm his laughter felt in the back of my mind, and the way he protected me from the other pack.

My heart swelled with an emotion so deep I wasn’t sure if my chest had enough room to hold it all.

Surely I was going insane. How could a sane person see a near stranger transform into a wolf right in front of them and still consider moving forward?

Everything was so mixed up in my head that I dug through one of my boxes and found my old journal. Maybe writing things down would help me sort through them, like the information from an interview.

I also dug out a pen and settled back against the wall. I carefully skipped all the pages with writing, unwilling to revisit any of my thoughts from the past until I found a clean sheet.

~“Everything has gone sideways,”~ I wrote, tapping the pen on the side of the book while I tried to get the words out.

~“I’ve escaped one fire, only to jump into another. Elias was starting to feel like everything I needed. But how can I feel safe around someone so obviously dangerous? Grant turned into a monster when he was angry too.”~

~“But his eyes. Even as a wolf, his eyes were so sad. Why do I want to comfort him? He seems as lonely as me, if not more so. I feel like I’d do anything he asks, just because he asked. Which is so, so stupid of me! That’s a fast track to another abusive relationship.”~

I closed the book and set it on the floor next to me.

The conflicted feelings were just as strong as before, though seeing them in black and white at least gave them the voice they needed.

The transformation loop finally stopped, and instead I started remembering the quiet moments.

Sitting next to him on the couch putting together a puzzle was the calmest evening I’d had in years.

Eating breakfast together while he listened to my concerns and actually took the time to answer my questions made my heart flutter.

And the more I thought about it, the more I noticed the hints he’d dropped about his true nature. Whenever I got close to the truth, he’d never actually denied it. He showed me the places in the woods that were important to him. His art practically screamed the truth.

I fell asleep with warm embers burning in my heart, keeping the fear at bay.

***

When I woke Monday morning, though, the embers had lost most of their heat, and the chill was creeping back in.

I quickly brushed my teeth, dressed, and drove to the office, hoping that being around other people would get me out of my head.

I arrived to find a cup of coffee already sitting on my desk.

A smile crept up my face, and I glanced over at Jason’s desk. He had his back to me, diligently working on his newest assignment.

“I see the coffee fairy has been here again,” I said as I dropped my belongings on my chair.

Jason’s head popped up, and he shot me a cheeky grin.

“Sure has,” he said, and I couldn’t help but notice the way his eyes sparkled as he looked at me.

It made my heart speed up just slightly, much to my consternation.

“Well, thanks to the coffee fairy for saving me from the econo-beans again.”

I took a sip of the coffee and set up my desk, intent on focusing on my work and ~not~ thinking about Elias.

While my laptop powered up, I read through my notes from the interview with Marius again.

But that didn’t help, because I suddenly made a connection I should have made two days ago. ~Marius.~

I’d been so scared of being torn limb from limb and becoming wolf food that I hadn’t processed the fact that Xavier had mentioned Marius. Did that mean… It had to.

It had to mean that Marius was a werewolf as well.

Suddenly, the wounds made so much sense, as did the timing. They must have come from a pack fight.

My mind began spinning again with the possible meaning of this revelation. The murder victims had the same wounds as Marius.

Could it be that we weren’t dealing with a serial killer, but instead the results of two werewolf packs with a problem?

And what did the prophecy have to do with it all?

I wanted to call Elias and ask him directly, but that wasn’t exactly the kind of conversation I wanted to have anyone overhear.

I’d have to wait until I saw him again. But would he answer?

And if I was right… what next? I couldn’t exactly tell the police, “Hey, I’ve solved the murders. It’s just two rival werewolf packs solving their disagreement violently.”

The other problem? Xavier had said it was Elias’s fault. Even if he wasn’t a serial killer himself, was he telling his pack to kill?

He swore he’d never hurt ~me~, but what about his rivals?