never love again

Sometimes I think I'll never love again

Which is absurd because I never truly loved you

I loved what you represented:

The pumping in my veins

The rush of adrenaline

Questioning everything you did rather than what was going on in my life

Believing you had cared

Believing you were mine

Believing our story began with "once upon a time"

But when you broke my heart,

you truly ravished it

You stood on the grave and managed to throw a spit in the open casket

And whenever I look at another man and begin to feel a feeling

I am transported back in time

When it felt my world was shattering

I am reminded of your own absurdity

How one text conversation meant you cared

How one measly chance at love meant I would forgive you for all that you tore into shreds

So I feel all the anger again

And so I spit into any bouquet of flowers

I hurl them onto the floor and stomp on them

And then leave the man to wallow in his queries

And then I hope you're happy

For breaking my heart

For breaking me so fundamentally I think I've lost access to that part of myself

Mon April 25, 2022