Diagnosis

In 2016 I was diagnosed with anorexia

I though the doctor was lying through his teeth

No woman named "Ana" was in control of me

I could stop the shaking if I wanted to

I did not have to work out if I was tired

I could eat a meal over a certain caloric limit if I framed myself as indulgent that day

My parents did not believe it either

How their good little Mexican girl fell to the slights of the english speaking race

How could she become so fragile in silence

How does a hard firm oak begin to decay?

And I think it was the next day that I realized it

I did not want to but I caved

And when I cried into my mothers arms and could not stop sobbing

I knew my life would never be the same

In that moment my sense of self was completely demolished

I was not in control and wondered if I ever would be

7 years later I got a new diagnosis

My therapist says I have BPD

A/N: Getting diagnosed right before finals is upsetting. I don't know how to process other than like this. Scream in a room of hard of hearing people.

A lot of things make sense now, but I just don't believe it. How can it be me?

I'm going to get a second opinion, but I think my therapist is right. How does one handle learning they are a different sense of broken?

Written: March 18, 2023