Dorthea

I was hiding behind the bleachers, escaping the vengeful sun

You decided to crouch under and reach for me

Something no one had ever done

And you said you'd be willing to listen

You said you wouldn't leave my side like the rest

You would never change your heart

You would never let my sadness win

And I recall nights of crying

Telling you I could no longer stay strong

Threatened death through suffocation

You told me to hold on

And in moments of crisis

I once trusted you to care

But as the years went on

I felt my lungs constrict when you were near

And right then I began to feel it

Our friendship became too much to bear

The weight fell to one side

My already weakening arms gaining further fatigue

You pretended not to see it

You promised me things would change

In middle school then high school

All I had was you to hold

So all I did was hold on tighter, even as you were slowly letting go

And despite the animosity that was growing

Fits of rage I'd throw in passing

I told myself I couldn't find another

I told myself no one else would ever bother

Then college started and you grew silent

I asked myself constantly how much longer I could keep fighting

I realized then Dorthea, you didn't care for me

When we were younger, and even less today

You are not the same soul from the year of transition

From the one who promised things she knew she could uphold

Who wanted comfort and fought for it

Instead of hovering to others just to feel less alone

And the pictures in color now passed through a filter of black and white

Dorthea you should've told me

I still don't understand how your heart could change in record time

Written July 6, 2023