I know you think of me

I wonder if you keep tabs on me

Refresh the browser to see if I'm online

Sigh in frustration before you tap on the orange icon

Read once quite quickly and then again between the lines

Not in an obsessive fashion

More of a morbid curiosity due to time

I don't think of this often

But sometimes my narcissistic tendency to be wanted shows it's pearly whites

Wow! so much left unspoken

Wow! so much you'll never know

Goddamn, I bet you wanted to

Goddamn, you know I like to put on a show

Won't known who I hang around

If my emotions will ever flatline

Who's the first person to wake up besides me

The aftermath of this new life

And every time you see a notification

Your heart comes to skip a beat

You hope it's saying I want you back

You hope I tell you I'm sorry and that you'll all I'll ever need

Nostalgia is a time bender

False loves always feel too real

Childhood tends to warp perceptions

Being sober makes you crave beer

You'll learn about me through updates

Quite opposite of how it was back then

You'll search for my name in published literature

You'll know which pseudonym is coded to match your name

And oh how you'll come to crave the beginning of the end

Just as how I've come to crave moving forward

They say to let something go if it doesn't serve you

I didn't need it then, and I don't have the patience to pursue you just to change my behaviors regarding closure

Written: November 7, 2023