dreams change, life does too

I've waited for this moment my whole life

Standing in a crowded room we lock eyes

You smile at me and I swear everyone around us can see it

You're a boy and I'm a girl

That's all we need, right?

I wake up from my consistent slumber

I'm a little kid and you were in my dreams tonight

We danced around the ballroom in formal wear and high end jewelry

You asked me to marry you and in a flash I became your wife

The next night I read a book I shouldn't be reading

I close my eyes and think of you feeling me

I've never been touched there and I would never want to

But the love I feel for you is so real I relish in the image of you

Years later I look at you and think what could've been

You enter the math room and we lock eyes

Not everyone can see us

Some weeks later you leave and it's in that moment I know for certain it was all a worn out dream

Flash forward to being a tiny square

In the corner of my eye time moves slowly

A girl shakes her hair in a way I now identify as seductively

Her neck is pale and bare

I start to get hot and uncomfortable

I don't understand what's going on

And it isn't until watching something I wasn't supposed to

I realize, "fuck" and I can't stop

I don't fully process these feelings

My therapist tells me to take it day by day

And over time the image of a man gets icky

And every time one shows interest in me I want to stab him or yell obscenities

Tonight I walk out midday

The sun shines bright as I quicken my pace to meet you

In the empty canyon we lock eyes

You smile at me and I swear nature can feel it

I'm a girl

You're a girl

That's all we need, right?

We begin our trek as I come to realize that dreams come true if you give it enough time

Written: Tuesday, November 7th, 2023