Uncertainty

Don't know what I really want out of life these days

Feel ticked off and unwell

Want to spiral and fall into misery

My therapist reminds me that anger is just sadness covered up

I don't want to think about the hardships

The innocence of childhood and believing in a saving grace

And the hypocrisy of those devoted to a fictional faith

I fall apart in secret and they think I feel okay

And how did it all come to this?

So many lives intersecting to harm one

I fear for my family and it hurts me

I don't want to come back home when school is done

And to feel so alone and restless

Like I feel trapped in my own skin

I want to peel off my exterior

But no one wants to see what's within

And in messages and endless phone calls

In last minute meet-ups and cancellation texts

In bouts of silence and a hum of chatter

Still uncertain am I in thinking I really exist

Written on: December 29, 2023