I ask myself almost repeatedly

I ask myself almost repeatedly

Is my heart so big that it will forgive?

Or is my heart just naive and running on nostalgia

Is this "forgiveness" destined to be continuous?

I ask myself almost repeatedly

What does our next chapter hold?

And if our pages remain blank

Is that my own form of "I told you so"

I ask myself almost repeatedly

Was our friendship as transactional as it seemed?

Did you spend your money on wooing me and I spent my time hoping you'd stay?

I aks myself almost repeatedly,

What if anything, did I gain?

If I let you in just one more time

Would you finally adhere to changing?

I think to myself one last time

Right before I submit my heart to another round of therapy

I fought so hard for what little you gave

What am I saying to myself if I continue to let you take and take?

Written: July 29, 2023