I don't have grandparents

You saw me carry the joys of life and said nothing

In my heart was love that could last a lifetime and you said nothing

Then slowly insults became compliments and praise

You saw me lose the spark in my eyes and you said I was finally someone you could embrace

In my vitriol and suicidality you saw beauty

All that mattered to you was that I didn't take up much space

I was losing hair and I was losing friends

Still you congratulated me for finally losing weight

And by all accounts people say that grandparents should love you

You should feel heartbroken when the machine flatlines

But 10 years later my past self still remains your favorite

I don't think you realize how long it took me to regain control of my life

And maybe they don't understand the true meaning

How to me it doesn't matter how I look

The only thing that hurts me now is the message behind it

You'd rather have me close to death than happy and loving myself