i dont want casual

I hate feeling things

And you make me feel so much

Feel like I'm rushing into things

But I'm 20, and I guess this is normal stuff

You seem so experienced in these matters

Took control when I least expected feeling your pulse

You maneuvered me like you've done it before

Was it chemistry or a routine constantly run?

You smelled of alcohol and cologne

Held me hard like you would rather die than let me go

Asked me back then if I liked cuddling

And when we did it, you said it was cute how fast I'd come undone

So aggressive in the way you kissed me

I was taken by surprise when you came to my height

Goddamn am I that tiny?

Your lips tasted like fine wine

And you touched my body like it was an alter

Muttered under your breath your deepest prayers

Under my shirt you drew stars on my backside

I could tell you were hoping to hear my bra unclip

You reached for my chest and started heaving

I liked it but if felt too soon

You stopped to kiss my head repeatedly

Apologized as I sank deeper into you

When you left, I felt my lips burning

To the touch were left inflamed

Bit my lip to feel you still holding me

Rolled my tongue to my own shame

Thought about you all morning

All afternoon you were on my mind

I wonder if you know what last night meant to me

This shit ain't casual, it's my life

Written on: September 19, 2024