True (but fleeting) heartache

To think loving a girl who couldn't even like me was the deepest of sorrows

To think our gradual withdrawal was the source of such intense despair

To think I couldn't breathe around her and sought counseling

I'm so much worse now that I'm standing here

Now that I've felt his touch and his body

Now that we've crossed blurred lines and overturned stones

Now that I let him hear my most absurd stories

Now that he's imprinted straight onto my soul

I had never heard love songs so clearly

Could imagine myself melting into his hugs

Never had my body respond so magnetically

Never considered drinking to fuck

And now that it's simmering, I'm shaking

A rapid boil, was I too hot to love?

My first time doing anything

So much for "cute" and "fun"

It hurts so deep I feel like crying

Never have I ever wanted to throw myself into the sun

Has me second guessing my feelings

Has me wondering if I'm good enough

My friends all told me he's using me

But when he was complimenting me, they told me they think we'd soon enough be in love

I feel torn in multiple directions

But in his silence, I have heard enough

Written on: September 25, 2024

A/N - in a few months, I'll look back and laugh at myself. I've always been more than good enough.