I'm a mess

I took a survey the other day

They asked me if I had any one teacher I could confide in

Any one person who I had faith in, knew they would listen.

"Strongly Disagree"

I responded with

I wish I could start over

I landed on the wrong foot

I made several mistakes

They cost me my livelihood

Any reason for being happy faded the moment I fucked up

That was over 3 months ago

I nor anyone has let that go

I should be happy.

Mostly A's on my report card

I'm on the varsity team

I PR constantly

Dropped to 6:19

Yet I'm concerned with always feeling empty

Never included in conversations

Them withholding important information

Not forming any strong relationships with one or the other

Or anyone

I'm just me. Lonley.

I don't mind.

I kinda don't care.

But when it's your team leaving you out...

Knowing you have to work together but you're too scared to

Wanting to talk, say something

But you're afraid they'll hold it against you

So instead you stay quiet.

Only laugh when you know you have to

Look away from those eyes.

The ones who look as if they are judging you

I want to speak

But I bite my tounge

Someone else says it for me

What a great joke, what a great response

They see me as the lone wolf

The odd one out

Perfect trios of 3 and 3, and I'm the 1.

I want to start over

But XC season is pretty much gone

If only I had changed

Changed like I wanted to

Like how I promised myself I would

They say it's never too late to start over

But for me it was already over before I started

Originally released on: November 14, 2018