I Want A Friend (TW)

TW: alludes to an eating disorder/self-harm

I want a best friend

Someone who will listen to me when I complain about the world

Someone who will pick me up after a hard tumble to the ground

Someone who will wipe my tears

Make me feel whole

Make me want to live

Makes me feel safe and protected

If it's a girl we can talk about serious topics

Body image, those issues, my story

How the scale has this certain power

A boy can be my best friend

Talk about "boyish" things like sports

Lame memes

Eventually,

He might be a lover

It doesn't matter what gender

I just want someone who is nice

Not flawless

But real

Someone who can make me stare at myself in a mirror

And smile

A genuine smile

A laugh

One that's hearty and makes me choke on tears

Someone who will give me the courage to stand up for myself

The motivation to go faster than ever before

Someone who will make me a poster that will help cheer me on before the marathon

I just want love.

I need love.

Because without it

My mental health plummets

I am not able to tell anyone my true feelings

My thoughts

Dreams

Hopes

Fears

Insecurities.

Those I have a lot of.

Not even someone who will talk back

All they have to do is listen

I want a best friend

I think I need one

Because without one

How am I even alive

Without someone

How am I considered human?

Without a best friend

What's the point of even existing?

I ask myself that question each time I sharpen my knife

Originally released on: March 6, 2018