You moved out

September 11, 2019

My friend recently asked me,

"Anything bothering you?"

Nothing could enter my mind until I replied with old news

Grades, the future

Only later did I comprehend what I actually needed to say

My sister

The eldest

She moved a long time ago

Few months, but it still stings and it's hard to let go

Over 30 and still living at home, but she was the only one I could ever rely on, and then one day she was just gone

I knew she had to leave

Be free,

Be happy

But she left like the other one, in a hurry,

Sheet filled with lies

Empty bed, empty cabinets, all her belongings, gone

It was like Hamilton,

Eliza who erased herself from the narrative

She had told me nothing

Didn't respond to my texts, endless calls, for weeks

She had left me for dead

All to runaway with her parent-aged boyfriend

The day my college sister told me I was a mess

Say it ain't so

But it's true Crystal... I confess

She told me before she left

She said to take care, but aren't you happy for her?

No.... I guess?

My feelings were conflicted

She was my rock

I could trust her

Now she was a rock dragging me down to the ground

I was falling in quicksand

Sad for days

Unhinged

Feeling alone

No more comfort at home

Mom upset, dad quite mad

And then something worse...

Months later I sent a text

Wanting to fix what I knew would be broken

Our sisterhood

Little did I know it would become tainted, my effort worthless

Hello with a cowboy hat

Then hi back

Then a flood of texts in Spanish

Those I knew YOU would never send

Referring to old texts, not the types of emojis you would send

It then hit me

It didn't seem like you, because it wasn't you

It was him

He stole your online sisterhood presence

I didn't respond

It was at work, so I had quietly wept

Told mother I knew it wasn't you

Disgusted, she left

It left me feeling empty for days

Only now that you text me again do I feel the hate-

Red

My blood boils

I don't want to address you, let alone try to text you

Our bond seems to have broken

It won't be easy to fix

With Albina, our other sister, I hated her years after she left

Without a trace, erased her cell number, blocked her even

Betrayed, vulnerable, pretended she no longer existed

You and I are different

You were my favorite sister

But eveything good comes to an end

You asked about my anxiety

What causes it?

I leave you on read

Good night you send

I don't answer

I don't click to read it

Instead I erase your number

Please don't text me again

Originally released on: November 10, 2019