All I do Is Think About You
☆Faith☆ (A Series Of Poems)
God almighty
I pray to our Lord and Savior each day
Jesus Christ, please don't let him see me today
It's been months since our last real interaction, and yet all I can ever do is think about you
Your dumb brace-face smile
Your modest muddy brown eyes
Your stupid blue sweater that you always wear
Your explosive personality
The way you made my heart flutter at your sight
The sweatiness in my palms each time you shook my hand
Me pretending I was almost holding it
The fear in my eyes when you told me to come back before entering the locker room
Because you wanted to see me
Talk to me
Be with me
And yet...just like that, its gone
I didn't see you for months
It helped me begin to heal
And then I see you again
Hug the girl you once loved in front of my face
The corner of my eye observing
Knowing you saw me but refused to acknowledge me
But i don't care
I shouldn't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
But I do.
it's all I can think about
You're all I can think about
And I HATE that you don't
I hate that you stand outside the locker room
I hate that I only pass by twice a week and sometimes only glance at you once
I hate that I see you and I feel a connection
I hate that in the hallways it's never a blessing
My heart rate rises
My breath at an all time high
Huffing, puffing, my anxiety rising
And then you're there
Until finally you're not
But then I see you
I imagine you
Anyone remotely looking like you
I jump
My heart leaps from the depths of my chest
From the steel protection I have set up to make sure I am never hurt again
But each time I see you
Each time I think about you
My heart just stops
It breaks down the barrier even faster than before
And then when it comes down
the wall is only further fortified
Like calcium to a bone
Pins to a paper on my wall
Memories of us to the part of my brain that plays rewind
Day after day after day
Week after week after week
I hate that I liked you
I hate that there's always the possibility of you joining track
The unknown
I hate that you have this power over me and you don't even know it
I hate that the last real conversation we had was when I was happy
I hate that I lie to you, to myself, to my friends
I hate that you told me that I did have a crush on a boy
I hate that I thought you knew
I hate that I'll forever miss you
I hate that I'll always think of you
And that you'll never know
That I loved you
Originally released on: February 23, 2020