I'm sorry

Im sorry I pretend to have confidence

I'm sorry that I can not love you the same way

I'm sorry that while everyone's been hurting

I've just been quiet, waiting for the end of the day

I'm sorry I constantly live in fear

Not that my story will be spread

But rather that I may get trapped in that whirpool once again

I'm sorry I've been ignoring you

But it's easier to do that

Than to make amends

I'm sorry that I still have dreams of us

Playing on the handball court afterschool

I'm sorry I still carry false hope

That I can't lie to my parents but I can to you

I'm sorry I'm no longer honest

But it's getting harder to tell right from wrong

More specifically how much can I tell you

I don't want you to get lost in my flaws

I'm sorry I'll never be perfect

I'm sorry you have to lie to me everyday

That you have to lie, look me in the eye, and say " I love you"

Even though my eyes remain hollow and I blink fast and turn away

I'm sorry that I'm unattractive to you

That I can never start a conversation like they do

That I can't keep the ball flowing

And am constantly roaming the wasteland that leads to the unknown

I'm sorry you have to live in the same world as me

I'm sorry you can't look me in the eyes

I feel sorry that you fell for my enemy

I'm sorry she'll break your heart in time

Even after you've devoted time, feelings, friendship, a bond

She'll snap it in half

Then hardly notice you at all

I'm sorry I'm confusing

But that's the only emotion I've been feeling lately

Lost in mind

Not hoping to die

But worse

...Wondering why you're in my dreams at night

I'm sorry that I have to see you there

Especially because I don't want to.

At all.

Originally released on: April 12, 2018