Leader-19

An inch too far away in photos

A smile too narrow to blend in

The silence of the stars in one person

A lone planet without any friends

The emptiness transcends silence

Awkward moments tapping on my watch

Told I was too irresponsible; selfish

I would never be savvy enough

That morning we ran past Floral

When you told me I could never lead

Selfishness you claimed ran through my core

I remember slowing down because my heart rate began to soar

Lazy when I didn't run that winter

Lazy because I was too hurt to move

Too drained to argue

What would be the point if I thought about quitting soon?

The meet you didn't see

The race I was put in charge and I figured out you were right about me

I could never be the leader

I could never feel at home

It was like you saw yourself as perfect

& I just a naive little girl

I couldn't handle a freshmen

How would I handle next fall?

You always said you were coach's favorite

A good little Christian girl

But if you had so much faith,

Why did you never share an inch to the world?

If you were my captain, my leader

Why did you see me struggle and turn a blind eye

Why did you never try to help me

Even if you told others you saw signs

But nonetheless you were right

If I was a leader I wouldn't do things right

But I'd live and I'd learn

And I'd make sure no one ever felt like they didn't belong

I wouldn't talk about others behind their backs

Yet claim I'm some sort of angel upfront

And just because you got a full ride

Doesn't mean you can run me over

And just because I no longer run

Am I some gunk under your shiny shoe

It only means I'm my own leader

No team needed to make me feel in control

And I don't think I'll ever understand

Why your dream is to help kids that stand where I once stood

Under the mercy of some older leader

Under the cruelty of someone like you

Written on: Feb 24, 2021