Just a Medal

Bronze, silver, gold

What a shiny mess of coins

To pay for the trauma I didn't sign up for

Buried deep within my treasure chest of insecurities and fear

Lay the memories of a sport I once held dear

The pain I was told to endure

What he said would only show up in a race

But was thrown in my face on a daily basis

A nobody until September's practice meet

All of a sudden I had potential

And coach was certain he could drag it out of me

Even at the expense of losing love and stability

The kids who stared when I beat the trio at the race

All of a sudden praised

But not for me

Just a number ingraved

A placement holder for the girls who passed the finish line

Faster than others

#2 in line

But what about me?

Not a wave in sight

But what did it matter

"Why interact if she's mute and shy"

Laughing when it was convenient

Called out when it was absurd

Not willing to speak

For fear of my words being twisted and thrown at me to make me hurt

Afraid to look at anyone

It was clear I wasn't liked

Just a statistic on the roster

Run to make the team look like it was doing alright

And the races that followed

And the people who came and went

Who thought I was a follower

Even though I was lonely and wept

I became the embodiment of a medal

An inanimate object

Judged solely for outside status

Rather than the material I was made out of

And like a medal

My value eventually wore off

Nothing preventing this medal from being tossed into a shoebox to gather dust and lose its touch

Written on: Feb 25, 2021