That Week (March 13, 2020)

March felt like forever

But that week went by quick

I remember the emotions

The warnings

Refreshing the news every minute

I remember that Monday

Practice had just switched from 2:00 to 3:00

It was probably the only day in the week that I successfully avoided feeling empty

I remember that Tuesday

I was smiling because it had rained

Practice let out early and I think I overate

I remember that Wednesday

Come lunch time Saturday Academy was cancelled

I was delighted that it meant missing English and Algebra 2 work on an early weekend morning

College classes were cancelled that week and I wondered when the psych professor would come back to campus

Practice was easy that day because the next day we were going to have the annual Red & Blue meet

I was pitted against my closest competitor

The one who was currently faster than me

I was overwhelmingly nervous

This race was more than a friendly competition

It was the distance team's way to see if I was still worthy of my placement

That night my heart heavy

I binged and went to sleep at 10

Luckily for me the next day it rained

Sadly, Thursday would mark the beginning of the end

I remember Thursday so well because everything fell apart so quickly

I remember talking to my friend during lunch, school was bound to shut down soon enough

Practice was a classic locker room workout

I don't think I really spoke to anyone

I just jumped & did my push-ups and ran in that tightly compacted room

smelling of guy's deodorants and freshly wet shoes

Told invitationals were cancelled, I was somewhat relieved

I thought I was thriving

But I left school feeling lost and wondering

I got home and filled myself with food

After eating I got a notification telling me sports were gone, Poof!

My grey hoodie on, my hair tied back

My hands pulling on the strings around my neck, clearly distressed

My gut said it was over

I tore everything down from my wall

Let the schedule, my split cards, and my medals fall straight to the floor

I didn't sleep that night

I knew what was in store

Rumor had it the state would close off non-essential businesses, including our store

I put my diary in my backpack

I knew the next day would be hectic

The pages were all blank

It marked the start of that new decade

Friday was the worst

My math teacher was still gone

The class thought he caught corona & we all laughed it off

Who knew more than half a million in the U.S. would have their lives lost

All I knew that morning was that the girl who entered that school would be gone

The sub told us that school would be closed off

Only for two weeks, nothing to be scared of

In English there was a commotion

But we all thought it would be temporary

I remember staring at the LAUSD website

Waiting for a statement from Austin Beutner

Ms. trying to answer our questions

But she was just as confused as we were

She told us to take home our books & the principal said that those who needed a chromebook for online learning should be prepared to make space for it

Lunch was just checking twitter

In history I was given a paper

It told me college class would be online

It was a quiet period and those who needed a chromebook were called to the auditorium to form a line

We sat three chairs apart and it was the first time I was introduced to social-distancing

In P.E. I was told to take everything out of my locker

They said 2 weeks but I felt in my soul that it would be longer

I sat with my friends but my feelings felt overwhelming

So I wrote in my diary and after the bell rang I took my heavy backpack to go get pad thai and boba

When I got home I ate the whole meal

I was past full but I didn't care

Everything felt so scary and it didn't feel real

And that semester was so confusing

My habits were out of control

One night I didn't sleep until 6 a.m.

I sobbed every night and became afraid of going outdoors

And everyday I grew more anxious

The return date being pushed back

I lost hope fairly quickly

And being alone made everything feel 10x as bad

So much happened in the span of those 5 days

Yet somehow I knew

Nothing would ever be the same

And one year later

I'm still stuck at home

The return date continues to be pushed back

Only now I'd rather stay home instead of fear returning to a place that now feels unknown

Written on: February 28, 2021