Drown (TW)
☆Faith☆ (A Series Of Poems)
Trigger Warning: Eating disorder (BED), suicide, negative self-talk
I remember drowning in his words
The words of adoration
I remember drowning in his eyes
The ones that wouldn't separate themselves from my figure
I remember drowning in their words
The ones of pure hatred
The ones that called me out on who I was
And changed my whole mindset
I remember drowning in her words
The ones that praised me
But she didn't see me for who I was
Just the idealization
I remember drowning in her silence
It drove me to insanity
Listening and planning for revenge but I was too afraid to take any action
I remember drowning in the food
My mind blank, coming home after a long afternoon
The bread and the milk and the peanut butter becoming one in my endless burps
Acid reflux on repeat and the echoes serving as a reminder of everything there was in my stomach of all things
Drowning in my own screams
Became drowning myself in my bed
Trying not to breathe
Under the covers made for 3-5 beds
Closing my eyes and remembering
All the separate times that I've drowned
The cliche of pools of tears
cliche of drowning in sadness
Drowning in my own fears
Going underneath the Earth in an attempt to restore my sanity
Drown but nobody knows
They don't see the wet clothes that stick to your skin
That reveal the scars and the dimensions of everything you hid
Drown but nobody knows
All they hear is your voice
Hide your face
Hide your pain
Hide your story
Hide your brain
Live in silence
Focus on greed
But everything you want still won't make you happy
Drown figuratively but never in real life
Drown in everything you do not like
Drown in vain
In tattered clothes
The hair of the girl they thought was once gold
Her golden earrings
The shoes worn out
Drown her in an ocean
where she'll never be found
No one will know
Because no one knew she was struggling
No one will know
Because no one bothered to pry her open
No one will know
Because no one will ask
Only the shore will remember her laugh
"Drown me once and i'll be okay
Drown me twice and this time I know it's I to blame
Drown me everyday in my sorrow and I will only cry myself to sleep
But today my sleep brings me to this empty beach.
Gather the crabs
Gather the fish
Watch me drift to my death
like I would drift off to bed
Here I slumber and here I lay
No help was enough to prevent this day"
Written on: March 12, 2021
A/N: I don't know what's wrong with me.