How Would You Know?

Why would you ask

something so absurd

It makes my head turn

It makes my stomach whirl

I get why you would question

I get why I'm not reliable

But something can hurt so deep

Even when you don't mean it

So you question how I feel

You question how I'd know

My knowledge of an illness

You think I'd never own

So you ask a simple question

One you don't know makes me hurt

Makes me wonder if I'm faking

If my diagnosis is just a hoax

But I know what I feel is real

This feeling of sorrow

Existential dread

And worrying about whether I want to wake up tomorrow

Feeling life is worthless

I'm nothing but a speck

Times I feel so empty

I wish I had drugs to mask the pain in my head

And as someone who suffers from it

I know it can be on and off

It's always in the background

But sometimes the voices get really loud

And maybe I should've clarified

But my heart was beating loud

I felt I was out of breath

My body shaking like a magnitude 7 earthquake

But how would you know?

You don't know me or my head

No one really does

so I guess I can't make an argument

But the point is it hurt

Because I know what depression is

I've been suffering in the background

5 years since the inception

And so you asking the teacher

if that's what depression is

Makes it seem like I'm not valid

Like it's all in my head

And I suffer from that all my own

I don't need your extra opinion

But how would you know?

You haven't even seen me since last winter

Written: March 17, 2021