Right Move?

I know it seems like forever

And I think we've fallen apart

You hurt me and I let you back in

But maybe I hurt you just as hard

Maybe my way of protection

Wasn't as harmless as I believed

Leaving slowly and calculating

the space between you and me

Maybe this toxic trait of mine

Is one I should've left years behind

I tend to see pauses in relationships

As you not wanting me or my time

And when you said you missed me

I thought I could see right through your facade

Liar liar pants on fire

Yet somehow it was my heart that got caught

And when you showed how you cared for me

I believed it was all an act

How can you act like this but leave me?

But you were only leaving behind the past

You tried and you tried and I shut you down

Just like I wanted to do from the beginning

But your persistence and humbleness once upon a time

Told me you were never quitting

So back then I loved you

and back then I cherished you

Like I never planned to do

And when any doubt of us finally came up

I knew the ritual was long overdue

Avoid your face

Avoid your gaze

If you call my name

I'll pretend it didn't register in my brain

Avoid the lockers

Don't head out

Fill your head with voices that say he never wanted you around

Once it's 10 past 3

slowly peek out

he's gone

finally

but you've never felt as empty

Here was a friendship

So pure and true

You tried to get rid of it

To no adue

Now here's a virus

No reason to make calls

You're safe from doing what's right

Now you're okay to finish doing what's wrong

So don't reach out

It's not like you ever did

Be as awkward as you can on purpose

It's all his fault

Nothing about you

Take no blame

You believe you made the right move

Until a therapist asks you

why you were so quick to judge

to look back on a girl

who was feeling too much

Maybe YOU were to blame

For this lost cause in the love game

Maybe now you can make it right

But a text won't suffice

You feel stupid and dumb

It's been too long

But in order to grow

You should be able to give parts of yourself up

So answer or not

I'm in control

I say I love who you were to me

And I'm sorry I never let this go

And I'll never know

If this was the right move

But the tranquility in my soul

Says its a step towards a new hue of blue

Written on: March 31, 2021

12:31 a.m. actually. lol.