I'm Not Sorry

You know I'm the type who carries her weight

Refuses to give up and refuses to stay out too late

The one that wants to apologize, even if she's right

The one that always says sorry right before she begins to cry

You knew me as a girl who always gave in to peer pressure

Silent as the night to try to get in with the girls who thought she could be special

You knew me as someone who would always back down from my stance

Portrayed herself as one thing but crouched down when she was questioned or reprimanded

That's probably why you were so confused when you saw her take a stand

She didn't back down or lash out

She stood back with precision in hand

But just because I didn't back down

Does it mean I did right

But just because I didn't do right

Am I sorry for what I did that night

I'm not sorry

I truly am not

I admit I overreacted

But I'm not sorry that I ended things between us

And they can keep on telling me

that I should try to reach out

But the last time I did,

my psyche told me I wanted out

I never wanted to be your friend

I wanted to avoid you at all costs

But you didn't relent or give in

So I gave up and let you in

And so you kept on pushing

The boundaries further back

And I kept on accepting

Because good girls, I believed, acted like that

So I told you my insecurities

I told you my fears

But I couldn't tell you how I felt about you

Because my feelings were never clear

And when you stopped pushing back

I started pushing forward

Distancing myself from any form of hurt

Distancing myself from letting myself get left first

And so finally with all boundaries forward

I gave one final push

I'm not sorry for the shit that I said

Because the shit I threw at you didn't hurt

I'm not sorry for leaving

And I don't think I should regret my decision

I did what I finally believed felt right

And I didn't need your pushback or your feedback for what could've been different

I'm not sorry

I truly am not

Despite what Witch-tok will tell you

I'm not leaving behind a part of myself

I won't mope for days

And I won't mope for weeks on end

You were a pleasure to get know if I had ever paid much attention

I was young and naive

And maybe that's what you liked about me

But I'll never be sorry for this

I'll never be sorry I said I once liked you, but now I can't see us even being friends

I'm not sorry

I'm not sorry at all

I guess I'm only sorry I didn't do this back in the fall

Written on: April 5, 2021