I could continue to fuck up my life...

I could literally continue to fuck up my life

I could continue on this downward spiral

Wouldn't it just be so fun to run out and shit on everyone who has ever wronged you

Hit on the people you were too afraid to

Tell him I want him back

Lead him on and let him fall like how he did to me back then

Fuck, wouldn't it be fun

To just get up and disappear

Leave the shitty people in the past

The people she loved and the ones he couldn't get past

Wouldn't it be so fun

To never see their stupid faces on my feed again

Beauty and prosper in a pea-sized brain

Little ribs he claimed was her right to fame

The fun of it all

They'll never know where I went

The last they remember of me is the pigtails which were replaced by the ponytail and braids

The bangs that I cut myself because I cried that whole week

The runs I continued because without them I felt everyone would hate me

They'll remember her quiet and they'll remember her sweet

Not knowing of my bob and the era of blue and purple-pink hair

The style choices and the loss of faith

The people she left behind and the things she regrets having said

The crisis and the therapy and it not working in the end

Going against her values in exchange for a night she can forget everything

Wouldn't it be nice

To continue to fuck up my life

Call her out for the bitch she was

Call him out for not having stayed

But impulsivity is not my specialty

At least not until past 11 p.m.

I can control the urges

Just like I control the urge to scream

I could continue to fuck up my life

But I'm afraid another fuck up would lead to the end

So I dream and I wish and I think of what I would say if my actions didn't have consequences and if I ever saw myself as even remotely as important as them

Written on: April 26, 2021