Chapter 166: Chapter 84.2

“we should go together———to the duke’s household.”

yernia had no choice but to say it. she thought it was alright as she secretly held cassian’s hand to suppress her anxiety.

“can we, cassian?”

“you can do what you want.”

yernia looked at cassian and gave him a small smile.

“yes, thank you!”

when cassian looked at her for the first time since herena got in the carriage, her chest felt so tight that she bit the inside of her cheek. her anxiety kept creating an image that she hated and it made her knees weaken.

***

it would be nice to return to the capital in a snap of a finger but yernia and her party had to travel a few more days before getting there. fortunately, yernia was able to wash up and rest at a nearby inn thanks to the carriage stopping in between villages.

“yernia, are you tired?”

“why?”

“your eyes are still half-open.”

yernia rubbed her eyes tiredly. it was night, and sitting still in the carriage required more physical strength than she thought. nevertheless, she shouldn’t sleep right now.

“i’m not tired. i’m fine.”

“why are you being stubborn? sleep if you’re sleepy. no one is telling you not to.”

“why aren’t you sleeping?”

yernia pulled cassian’s arm after he finished washing up. as she sat on the bed, cassian came to her side and collapsed.

“why are you holding unto my robe like this?”

“i’m afraid you’re going leave me all of a sudden.”

“where am i going?”

“i don’t—— i don’t know. just don’t leave me behind.”

she was sleepy but her mouth still moved on its own as she swore to herself not to appear jealous. after speaking, yernia bit her lips in chagrin.

“does it bother you so much that you can’t sleep?”

“what do you mean?”

yernia’s eyes widened in shock. how did he know that she cared about her when she hadn’t even shown that to cassian? she tried her best not to make it any obvious.

“does distancing myself bother you so much? you can’t even sleep right now.”

“oh, that’s true. yeah, it’s because of that.”

“really?”

“i’ve never thought that we’ll be awkward at some point.” since herena’s appearance, all of yernia’s attention seemed to have focused on her. yernia kept caring about what herena might do in the future even if the woman did nothing but smile at her.  “will you continue to avoid me?”

yernia followed cassian’s lead and held his hand. lying her head down on his arm made her feel relieved and emotional.

“i should.”

“why do you have to?”

“i don’t want to hurt you anymore, yernia.”

“i’m alright now. if you’re still worried, i can keep guiding you until you become stable———” she wanted to argue just in case he’d ask whether it would work or not. but she hesitated when she suddenly realized that herena’s name could appear on cassian’s body anytime. despite faltering, cassian didn’t find it strange.

“——but we never know. you trust me, but i can’t even trust me.”

“so you’re going to keep doing this to me? i don’t like…”

just when she was about to cry, cassian hugged yernia. she froze from the surprise affection, flustered from cassian’s sudden change of his heart. he had been acting the same way for half his life so why was he doing this?

“i’m sorry. just until i solve this. what do you think?”

“…….”

“i’ll find a way in a minute.”

was it just a coincidence? at the time of herena’s appearance, she hated cassian for keeping his distance.

yernia shook her head. “no, i don’t want to. i think we’re going to be strangers forever.”

“you make me feel powerless.”

“…….”

“when i’m with you, i can’t think of anything. i don’t want to hurt you so i’m just going to keep looking at you until i find a way.”

“…….”

“then you’ll be in big trouble. yernia.”

her accumulated stress and disappointment with cassian disappeared a little.

“but i don’t like it.”

“should i call you ‘baby now’? you complain most of the time.”

“don’t joke around. i’m serious.”

“baby.”

yernia raised her head at the playful remark before moving away from cassian.

“don’t do it.”

“you don’t like it that much?”

“never call me that!”

goosebumps broke out of her skin. when yernia rubbed her ears, cassian burst into laughter and patted her head.

“good night, baby.”

“argh!”

“baby, you have to be quiet. it’s nighttime, after all.”

as her lips parted in shock, cassian merely flashed her a cheeky smile.

she couldn’t stand it, so she covered cassian’s mouth.

“come on.” he drawled. “go to sleep, baby.”