0.24|when experiencing aftershocks|

0.24|from Sabah's tape-recorder: when experiencing aftershocks|

I was finishing up the last table listening to Anthony's version of what had happened after his little plan had succeeded at Auburn's workplace.

"She told you to not be what?" I raised an eyebrow.

He swallowed, jaw tensing up, hand nervously reaching up to pat down his hair, "An anchor. She told me not to be a fucking anchor."

"Woah, that sounds weird seeing that you are a good-looking man and not an anchor," I guffawed.

"Its not funny," he said, crumpling up the tablecloths he was supposed to be folding, earning a reproachful look from me. "Its not funny at all. Do you realise I might have ruined our friendship in that moment? All because I can't keep my feelings to myself?"

Usually I always have something to say but I was finding it difficult to say the right things at the moment. What were even the right things a person is supposed to say at such a moment? Don't worry? It'll all be fine? I'm sure you would have said some really inspirational stuff, Sabah, but I don't know, I was at a loss of words.

So, I scrubbed the table some more and tried, "Maybe we should just let her be. Let her think about it. You did surprise her, right?"

He scoffed, "I surprised myself. I shouldn't have had the wine."

"Well, let the surprise sink in," I winked at him.

He nodded, picking up the folded tablecloths, "Yeah..." He stopped midway towards the tablecloths' cupboard and asked, "Carlotta, does she ever talk about me?"

I heaved a sigh and sat down, "Yes."

He seemed to wait for me to say something more and I waited for him to ask something more. His clouded grey eyes looked dark in the evening lights that sifted in through the glass windows and unflinching, he sized me up, my tired face, my sunken stance. He turned away with a tight smile, "I'm sorry, you've had a long day."

I opened my mouth but the sound of the wind chimes and the slight swish of the opening door distracted both of us from our overdrawn conversation.

Auburn walked in, her short, brown hair curling with the wind, shoulders straight and head high. You would have lauded the way she held herself after the last one hour and if it wasn't for eyes that were pink around the edges, I would have never believed she was bluffing.

She walked right up to me, her footsteps echoing across the silent cafe. I looked at the girl and wanted to tell her that it was okay. Yes, I wanted to tell her all the things they say in situations like these. Anything and everything to show her I cared, that I was here for her, no matter what Gordon had said, no matter how many times and people she had run away from.

She sat at my table and took a deep breath, "I believe I owe you two a story."

I stared and then cracked a smile. This girl was incredible. I had seen my fair share of sadness and disappointment in the world and at her age, I would have crumpled at the first syllable I would have to extract from myself. Who was I kidding? I had crumpled. Numerous times. On numerous shoulders then.

David shouting at me. What was he saying? Again and again. I could follow the patterns his lips made and they were repetitive, magical even, but what was he saying? I turned away and vomited, the stench rank against my nostrils, the acid burning at the back of my throat, the muscles in my stomach trying to pump out more but finding an empty pit in place. The room spun or maybe I spun. It was getting difficult to see anything clearly. All that was tangible was the vomit and the smell of my cigarettes and beer.

I wiped my mouth and narrowed my eyes in an effort to make sense of what David was saying. My little girl clung to her father's neck, her silent screams tearing at my skin. I stumbled to her, "Julia, shush, baby, Mamma's going to be fine."

Her eyes widened and she screamed louder. With a pop, I could hear again. She was terrified of me.

I could hear what he was shouting now, "You are a disappointment. You are crazy. And this is it. You hear me, bitch? I am done with you. You can die here for all I care but Julia and I are out."

I crawled after him. I hung on to the hem of his trousers. I cried. I begged. I didn't mind a divorce. When was he ever home? He didn't need me. He had the other women. But Julia...she needed me. I needed her.

My cheek was purple for a week from where he kicked me to free himself. The lights were blinding, my face was slick with sweat and tears as I pulled myself up to the dresser. I needed help sleeping and that was what those blue pills were for. I hadn't used them in weeks. I had quite the stash.

Couldn't find the water, couldn't find the water dammit! So I just swallowed the whole stash in. Some wouldn't go in. I forced them down with my fingers.

You should go, Sabah. You should go. Its getting late. Oh right, I haven't told you what Auburn came inside to say. It wasn't much. Gordon had had the whole afternoon to tell me but Anthony was hearing it for the first time.

"I'm a coward," she let out a small laugh. "I run away. Every now and then, when the going gets rough, I pack my bags and leave."

She looked at me. I gave a small nod. She looked Anthony and he stared back. She wrung her fingers and chewed her lower lip, "That's what I did when I came here. I was home for the winter. Things were going well. I had an amazing relationship with Gordon. For once, it seemed like home was home. I was patching up with Mum and Dad after five years of living on campus, never returning their calls, never coming home. Even in those five years, I had changed my main subject four times. First, it was definitely Mathematics until..." She sniffed, "Until one of my friends cheated off my paper and I got told off for it. So, I went to Physics but found out it wasn't something I could be passionate about. Went back to Maths. Found out it was the worst decision of my life. Left again. In the last year, I had settled into Biology. I met some great people, learnt a huge lot and passed with excellent colours. I was supposed to go back, get a TA position. I was so happy."

A scooter backfired outside my cafe and the three of us jumped out of the lull of her voice. The headlight swept passed the glass and the walls, travelling in broken lines across the room and finally disappeared with the receding purr of the vehicle.

"Maybe it was time to go back, I thought. Maybe, I was getting over whatever it was that I felt. And for some time, it did look like that. I met Gordon. Mum and Dad seemed to be getting along, for once in their lives. I revived some friendships. Gordon encouraged me. He used to say that I should put my roots down and spread my branches." Her voice wobbled but she carried on, "One night, I found out Gordon was cheating on me. I should have stayed home and not the let the news get to me. My reaction seems so silly now but I did then what I always do. I ran. I ran in the rain, my car speeding under the harsh drops. I ignored Dad's shouts behind me, I ignored the calls I got throughout the night. I couldn't have answered, not when my voice broke every time I tried. It was weird assortment of numbers: Mum, Gordon, Bruna, Kylie, Tom."

She got up and walked to the windows, facing away from us, "The next morning I found out Dad was in the hospital fighting for his life after getting caught in accident because he had tried to chase me." Her shoulders shook, "You have to understand. I tried to stay as long as I could. The guilt was too much, I saw accusing faces everywhere. I hated myself. Everything reminded me of my cowardice, my crime. Dad would live but he was paralysed waist down. I-I-"

I walked to her and pulled her into a hug, "Come here, my girl."

And all of a sudden, she started crying. She clung to me and her whole body rocked with sobs, tears seeping in through my blouse. I stroked her hair as my Mamma used to stroke mine and whispered words I remembered from my childhood.

I didn't die that night but my attempted suicide was enough for David to get sole custody of our child.

[ ITS CHAPTER 30 GUYS! Let's celebrate, chicas :D

Tell me if you guys wanna do anything special? I'm back from my hiatus and I'm going to spend time on here.

Sorry that there wasn't enough #aubony in this chapter but there will be LOTS in the coming chapters so vote vote vote and comment what you thought about this chapter and I'll update soonest x

P. S. I'll get around to replying to your lovely comments now]