Family Of Three

BROOKE

I have the dreaded chat with Sydney a few days after Colin and I become involved. It wouldn’t be fair to keep my relationship with Colin a secret from her, although I have no idea how to talk about it.

I’ve never been in a relationship with anyone since John left, so Sydney’s never experienced another man besides John in her life. Until now.

“Sooo…ummm…I know it’s been just you and me…and Luna…but…how would you feel if Colin were around the house more often?” I try to weasel my way around the talk as fast as I can.

“Like, more than he already is?” Syd replies, confused.

“Well, yeah. Like when we had a sleepover with his family at his house for Thanksgiving…what if we had more sleepovers?”

“Okay! I really liked Sophie!” she says, talking about Colin’s niece.

“Oh, well, Sophie wouldn’t be at all the sleepovers, honey…she lives far away. But when she comes to visit, sure!”

“So just Colin would sleep over?” she asks, getting more to the point. I feel ready to run for the door.

“Yeah…just Colin…” I answer nervously, tearing apart my cuticles.

“Okay! We can make more special pancakes!” she answers excitedly, and my heart starts to pound. Syd likes Colin, always has, and she’s happy to have him around—it’s a huge relief.

But just when I think the conversation is over, it isn’t.

“So, is Colin going to be my new daddy?” The way she says it, I can’t quite figure out if she thinks of that as a good thing or a bad thing.

“No, baby. Your daddy is your daddy, and he always will be.”

“Oh.” Again, I think I hear some sadness in her voice, but I can’t quite understand how she’s feeling. I don’t want to take the conversation any further right now. Maybe all this is confusing and overwhelming for Syd, and she needs time to process.

I don’t know how to handle it either. This is just as new to me as it is for her.

I never have a similar talk with Colin, about whether he’s okay hanging out with my kid almost as much as he hangs out with me. But I don’t have to. Colin is so good with Syd, and he’s even as diligent about her allergy as I am.

There’s nothing I don’t love about this man—I mean, like!— Right?

My schedule always picks up heavily during the holiday season. Thanksgiving is always busy, but Christmas and New Year’s are just batshit crazy.

So, now that Syd knows about me and Colin, I want to do something special with all three of us before I get swamped with work.

We go to the Christmas parade in the center of town Friday night, and afterward check out the Festival of Lights and Enchanted Village.

Syd always loves seeing the millions of colorful, twinkling lights around the park, not to mention the displays of antique dolls. It’s always a gorgeous sight, and I even remember going when I was a little girl with my dad.

It’s extra special to have Colin with us this year.

Syd runs ahead of us to look at all the displays as Colin and I tag along behind her, hand in hand, just enjoying being with each other. My heart is so full around him, like it’s ready to burst.

I didn’t think I could ever feel this happy again, but here we are. We steal kisses every time Syd is entranced by the lights.

At the end of the Enchanted Village walk is a booth where people can get their photos taken. “Let’s get a picture!” Syd says, running up to the booth.

Colin and I tuck in behind her, each of us resting an arm on one of her shoulders, and Colin’s arm around my waist pulls me close. The photographer snaps the photo, and then Syd quickly gets distracted again.

“Oh! Hot chocolate! Can we get some? Pleeeease?” There go her puppy dog eyes. Colin and I both look at each other, knowing we’re going to cave and that’s our next stop.

“I’ll go. You want one too?” he asks.

“Sure, thanks,” I respond with a smile and a kiss. They walk off together, and I head to the checkout line where the pictures are displayed.

When I’m next in line, I give the vendor my ticket and she pulls up the photo. “You have a beautiful family,” she says to me, and when I look down at the picture I almost gasp out loud.

We all look so happy, so comfortable with each other, like…like we are actually the perfect family. Colin could easily be mistaken for Sydney’s father; they look so alike, with their dark brown hair and hazel eyes, it makes my stomach sort of bubble.

“Would you like the package?” the vendor asks, oblivious to the storm inside me. “It comes with two full-size photos, four three-by-fives, and two wallet-size pictures for forty-five dollars.”

I nod, and afterward go to find Colin and Sydney at the hot chocolate station, laughing at each other’s whipped cream mustaches. I pause to watch them, thinking how lucky I am. We feel so much like a family, and maybe it’s safe for me to trust that.