21

Jurrivh- I'll always love you.

(ah, can't find it.)

~

Alex stared at her new phone. Third one in what? A month? She let out a sigh, her eyes now at the books on her desk. The result to the exam she had written were out, and she had passed, really well. Not that she didn't expect that.

Still, she couldn't exactly celebrate.

Not after Sunday.

Adriana had let Alex clean her as usual, and everything had been fine. That was until she was cleaning the kitchen and Hezekiah called.

She wanted to ignore it. The old man already knew not to call her when she was home, but she couldn't. The results to the exam she wrote was going to be out soon and she knew she was going to ace it, and if she did, they'd be enough money for her till she got another exam to write, a scholarship one, and when she got to college, she'd never need his help again.

So she picked. "I've told you never to call. Just text,"

"I know, I..." She could hear Hezekiah breathe in for a few seconds then out before saying, "Just wanted to see how you're doing. You haven't used your credit card in a week."

"I didn't need it at the time." Then she let out an hiss. "Just tell me what you want for fuck's sake."

"The party is this Friday. Nolan is celebrating his fifty-sixth birthday, and as always, he wants you there. It's a black and white casual event. He says he'd get you the dress and everything else when you're ready."

"Alright, good—"

"Wait."

Alex shouldn't have. She knew deep down, waiting wasn't good. She wasn't even sure now why she did as she heard him say, "How's Adriana?"

Alex felt her anger swell as she replied, "Keep her fucking name out of your mouth, Hezekiah."

Then she heard a plate fall.

Phone still on her ear, Alex turned, seeing Adriana standing at the door. Her eyes stared wide at her, her body unmoving as Hezekiah's frantic voice echoed through the phone, "Alex? Are you alright?"

"Mom," Alex said, trying to calm her down. "I can ex—"

In five strides, Adriana was in front of her, but she didn't hit Alex. Instead, she grabbed the phone from her and headed outside, taking the bat in a corner of the storeroom.

Alex ran after her as the woman reached the backyard, shrieking to the highest tone she could muster as she bashed the phone, over and over again.

When she was done, she turned swiftly to Alex, bat still in her hand. "You wanted to leave, didn't you?"

She shook her head, moving backwards now. "N-No. I was just —"

"You think your Father is better," A disgusted scowl showed on her face. "He lied to me for twenty years! He lied to us! And left us to be a sissy for a white man! And you still talk to him?! Your siblings don't know better! I thought I raised you better!"

"Mom—"

Then the angry look on Adriana's face fell like a wall crumbling down as her lower lip began to shake. The bat fell fast, then the tears came after.

Alex watched as her Mother fell to the floor, sobbing loudly as she mumbled under her breath, "I gave him everything. I gave him everything—"

Watching her, she wasn't sure what she was feeling anymore. At the beginning, it used to be disgust, and now... Hezekiah had been Adriana's first love. She had left her family just to be with him.

And everything they had, had been a lie.

Father wasn't bisexual. It might have been better if it was. He had been gay, and just experimenting with Mother when they were younger and somehow she got pregnant. He chose the Army so he wouldn't have to be with her all the time because he hated himself for what he had done.

Everytime Alex thought the same thing. That Eros lied about his sexuality to her... It made her want to stay with Adriana even more. She loved him, too much maybe. He had found her in a dark place and she owed him the fact she still lived this long.

If he lied, if he ever lied, and she knew, she wasn't sure how she would react to it.

So after, she held her Mother till she calmed down and promised she'd stay with her, but when she tried leaving that night, Adriana went ballistic again.

Alex had planned to go away for a while when she managed to get out of her grasp, just to be alone until she had seen him and calmed down.

Now...

He had been acting weird again. Hermes said it was the coming exams, that was all, but she was already beginning to notice that he would cover for Eros because he cared for him too.

Sighing, she remembered how Adriana had asked her not to go anywhere that Friday. To stay home with her. That she'd make dinner. They'd watch a movie together too. Do whatever she wanted.

And as much as that was tempting, she had to go, but she promised she'd be back.

Alex stood up from her chair now, packing her bags. School had closed and she had spent most of the day reading so she wouldn't overthink on what Adriana had said.

When she was done, she walked out of her class and headed to the schools parking lot where her bike was, got on it and rode to Hermes' house.

She got there after two hours, leaving her bike on the front stairs before walking in. She hadn't been there since the first incident when she came to see him but being there didn't feel comfortable to her anyway.

Alex had been in Sebastian's study when Hermes walked in, face in a frown. "What are you doing here?"

"Looking for your baby pictures," She answered, taking another book from the shelves and flipping through it. "Join me,"

"I burnt them all."

Alex turned to him, face in a pout. "Well, that sucks."

"And they wouldn't even be here," Hermes said, folding his arms. "What are you doing here?"

Alex stared at him for a few seconds before sighing, moving to Sebastian's armchair and sitting on it then crossing her legs. "If someone was listening to us right now, they'd think you're the boss of me, not knowing you literally send me shirtless pictures of you to get my attention."

Hermes' cheeks began to redden but he retained the frown on his face. "It wasn't for your attention. I know how girls feel when they see an eight pack so I was being kind."

"Really?" Alex asked, smirk on her face. "Crawl to me."

"W-What?"

"Crawl. To. Me," Alex said, her voice low now. "And don't make your Mistress wait, or she'd lay you across her lap in your Father's study and spank you until he walks in."

Though he was trying to act like those words had no effect on him, it was clear from how his pupils had suddenly contracted and the bob of his throat that he did.

"Kitten, don't make me wait."

That seemed to have done it because he slowly knelt, keeping his eyes on her before crawling under the table and appearing at her feet now.

The haughty, arrogant look was still on his face as he stayed under. "Mistress?"

"Mhm," Alex pulled off her shoe and let her feet trail up his chest, pausing at his left nipple and circling it before moving back more and saying, "Come out fully and kneel erect."

He did as she asked, kneeling now. His face was completely red and he looked like he wanted to be any place but there before Alex suddenly grabbed him and pulled him to her chest, her head resting on his.

He froze for the first few seconds before speaking, "W-What are you doing?"

"Hugging my boyfriend," She said, speaking softly.

"You're— You're just making it hard for me to breathe!"

"Mhm?" Alex asked, smiling. "You wanted to be crushed by my thighs with your head between instead?"

Hermes stayed silent for another five seconds before saying in a voice that made it obvious he was lying, "N-No,"

"Cute. I just want a hug right now, so stay put."

He did. Kneeling on the floor while she held him. Alex wasn't even sure how long they stayed that way before she heard him ask, "Did something happen?"

"You're ruining it."

"I've been obedient. I deserve a reward."

Fucking bastard, But Alex had another smile on her face as she said, "You'd be getting a reward."

"What? That's not what I—"

She pulled away from him now, resting her back on the armchair as she said with a smug look on her face. "A reward is a reward. Don't matter how it works, Kitten."

Again, he looked like he wished he could shake the smugness off her face but he knew better so just stayed still. "And what would that be, Mistress?"

"Would you like to go to a party with me?"

Again, Hermes' eyes widened like he hadn't been expecting that as Alex continued, "No, there will be no fucking after you horny little devil. It's an... Important party. It's fine. Sebastian was informed. Alex was being generous again,"

"Alex?"

"Alexander," A small frown appeared on her face now. "It's his Father's birthday. You should know him. Senator Nolan Steinfeld?"

Again, he stared bug eyed at her. "He— The son of—"

"Yes, it's unbelievable to anyone who hears it," Alex said with an eye roll. "Alex used to be the black sheep of the family after something eventful happened to him. Now, his Father uses him as campaign to say he 'supports' LGBTQ people and me because... Well, I did something remarkable once."

"What?"

"Oh, I helped him be Senator for a second term," Alex said, "Don't ask the details. I don't remember. It's been two years and I hate to think of it. Now, he likes to parade me when he throws parties and as much as I hate it, I'm being paid to behave. Oh, and I play for his guests as well. No, it's not the piano. I've never brought a guest before, so I'm sure he'd be pleased to have you."

She waited to see if he remembered that it was this same party they first met, if he'd piece it together, but he didn't. Instead, he said, "Who are you exactly?"

"Me?" She chuckled. "No one." Then stood, adjusting the jacket over her body, before patting him on the head and saying, "Some people would be here by six to get you ready and matching with me."

When she reached the door, she heard him say, "Why haven't you ever taken Marcos?"

And she told him. "Because they are certain people who want what's mine. He's soft, easily manipulated. Rich people are masters at that, but you're the opposite." Then without waiting for him to say anything, left the study.

At the same time, after she got back home, she cooked something for Adriana who was sleeping quietly in her room and kissed her on her head, promising to be back as soon as she could then waited outside till a white Mercedes picked her up, driving her to a salon.

For hours, she had to sit still and let them straighten and do ridiculous things to her hair and polish every single part of her skin. The make-up itself was torture, considering she had stopped putting so much of in a long time.

They had also picked five different pairs of dresses Nolan wanted her to choose from, all of it with heels she knew would torment her if she wore for the whole night.

Still, Alex chose and got dressed, ignoring the way it clung to her skin and how badly her ankle ached then got into the limousine car they brought for her and drove her to the Steinfeld Mansion.

Though she had seen it many times, the fact Nolan's house was ten times bigger than Alex's still stunned her. There was no need for that much space, since he barely ever stayed there, but of course, she wasn't there to give her opinion on anything, just stand and look pretty.

The place had bodyguards stationed at many corners, though some of them gathered around Alex's car and helped her out, walking with her till they took her to a secluded area of the house through a backdoor that led to a quiet hallway then left, though someone already stood there, awaiting her.

Hermes.

He had on a white with black stripes fox fur coat with a red shirt, black tie, black double breasted waistcoat and pants. His hair was slicked back, through some strands danced seductively over his face with black gloves

The jaws on his face were clearly outlined now, and somehow, they made the freckles more prominent. Perhaps, it was because of the paleness of his skin.

He looked completely dazzling.

"Alex," He was looking at her like he couldn't believe it was her, and she didn't blame him.

Her hair had been permed and gelled around her face and skin in circular forms, with her face practically glowing, while she wore black eyeliner with smoky eyeshadow and black lipstick.

She had on a black one shoulder velvet mermaid dress with white floral designs at the left, a thigh high split at the right side with a tiara on her head and earrings that had diamond on them and a purse that had tiny glowing stones.

Diamonds too.

"Never mind, Nolan, he shows off because he can," Alex said, waving a hand in the air. "Likes to make people think that he takes care of me. Nonsense, honestly."

"You look like a tamed animal,"

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Run your mouth more, and I'd definitely fuck you."

"Is that supposed to scare me?"

"I thought you had a basketball game tomorrow?"

That shut him up.

"I picked this though," She said, eyes moving through his body before she opened her purse. "And something to go along with."

"A gift? Pass."

"Don't be ridiculous," Alex brought out the black box and looked up at Hermes, a smile on her face. "Hurrah, I'm proposing,"

The look on his face was priceless. "What—"

"Paris Sebastian Holmes, would you do me the honour—"

"Alex!"

"Of being my husband?" She completed, opening the box. "And say yes. No isn't really an option because if that's what you really go for, you'd be dead because you had an accident while you got here."

In the box was a black signet ring that a gold glowing gemstone on it while the inner part of the ring, around the band, were the engraving of the words et lux in tenebris lucet.

"And light shines in darkness," She said, "I've wanted to give you this in a long time. You can breathe now. It's not a wedding ring."

Hermes let out a breath before he looked at her. "How— It was you. That night..."

"I'm hurt you don't remember, and glad I was the only one you used that horrible line on."

"I did remember, looking at you now. You look... Different like this. And I looked for you, I did but I sort of thought you were older..."

"I am. With five months."

He rose an eyebrow at her. "Really?"

"Does it matter?" Alex asked though she knew to someone like Paris, it probably did matter as she said, "Do you know why I give you this?"

"Because you're a horrible gift giver that might have slightly improved?"

"Because you proved to me, what it meant." She said, smiling now. "That on darkness, there can be light. After Marcos, I wanted to be different. Good enough for him. And I do not regret it, I'd do it all over again but you... You give me a chance to feel free. To want to run wild. To prove that no matter how dark I get, you'd be there to remind of my light."

"You remind me of me before," Her voice grew softer as she took off the glove on his left hand and put the ring on his index finger. "Passionate. Fiery. You burn me, Paris. Just because I loved you second, doesn't mean I love you least. I want you to never forget that."

"I hate you." Hermes said after she was done, his face puffed and red. "Who does this at a party?"

"You looked too white. I want everyone to know you're blushing because of me."

He scoffed. "Sick female."

"It's Mistress to you, Her."

He blushed again, but said nothing else.

When they walked in, no one noticed to them. Thankfully. They all seemed engrossed with themselves but after a few minutes of solitude, a plump looking grey haired man walked towards them, wearing a black tuxedo with a fishtail, and a white shirt with a bow tie and white gloves. "Alexandra!"

In one swipe, she was in his arms, a stiff smile on her face before he pulled away, staring at Hermes with a scrutinizing look on his face. "He's a boy."

"You can try harder to hide your disappointment that I didn't bring a girl, Nolan." Alex answered dryly.

Guards had returned behind the man now as he said, "Xander said... Well, I should never listen to him. It never ends well. I suppose since you have a guest, you wouldn't spend the evening with me?"

"I won't, but I do promise to entertain as much people as I can stomach," Alex said, wrapping an arm around Paris. "Until my boyfriend and I decide to have sex."

"Oh, oh," Nolan shook his head. "This younger generation. Never have to worry about pulling out two seconds late and regretting your whole life. Alright, have fun little munchkin."

"You too, Senator."

When the man was gone, Paris looked at her. "Did you just talk to him in that manner?"

"Hmm," She replied, taking a champagne flute from a passing waiter. "Don't ever stay in one spot, that's when they hoard at you. Come on,"

Though she tried her best to avoid as many people as she could, some still walked over to her though Hermes always shooed them away when he could tell Alex was tired of talking, the last people coming their way being one blond blue eyed male wearing a white shirt with ruffles tucked into black leather pants and the other one, a tall muscular black male with a crewcut, wearing a white suit with a black turtleneck sweater and black pants, a scar over his face.

"Alex!" Alexander squealed rushing over to her and grabbing her in a hug.

She grunted his name. "Alex."

He let her go, turning to the male at her side with a sour look on his face. "Paris."

Hermes gave him a small bow. "Xander."

"It's Mr Parker to you," Alexander said, face now in a dark smile before grabbing the male behind him closer. "Honey, isn't she gorgeous?"

Hezekiah Parker stood in front of Alex now, giving a small nod of his head with his habitual calm smile on his face. "Always," Then he turned to Paris, voice gentle. "I doubt I know you."

"He's none of your business," Alex snapped. Unlike her that bought people with her fiery charm, Hezekiah took people with his coolness. No one had even been able to resist him. No one. She turned to Alexander now. "And where are the twins?"

"Hawaii for the night, they'd be back on Sunday for school so Hezekiah and I can have sex. We bought this candles—"

Hezekiah gave a small sigh. "Alexander."

The older male looked up at him, an innocent expression on his face. "Yes, babe?"

Alex tried her best not to scoff. "You can't keep shipping them off when you feel like you want to be alone. You'd spoil them rotten."

"We're Parkers, honey. We're born rotten." Then Alex looked behind her, grabbing Hezekiah tighter as he fiddled with the ruffles on his shirt, biting his lower lip. "Oh, oh fuck. I swear, I'd have his head on a stake."

"You always want someone's head on a stake."

"Alex, honey, don't turn."

Obviously, telling anyone that only piqued that interest, so she did, her heart stopping at the sight.

Coming towards them was a man that she tried her best to stay away from. Andrea Steinfeld. Fraternal twin brother of Alexander Steinfeld Parker. He had met her once at the Allure BDSM club when she was younger and requested that she be his Sub.

Of course, Alex said she wasn't a Sub, but Andrea was determined that she was just a Switch, or more, a bratty Sub, and he'd train her as soon as he got his hands on her.

Of course, Alexander kicked him out of his club and she hadn't seen him since. She didn't care about him. She couldn't even give a fuck if he came naked.

But the male beside him.

A male with white hair that got accentuated with the white eyeliner around his eyes, a white halter neck criss cross top and black high waist double split skirt that hugged the curves around his waist, and white high heeled boots, with white garter belt suspenders teasing underneath.

Marcos.

He hadn't seen her as soon as she saw him, but when he did, he froze. He looked like, at that moment, he couldn't breathe either, and when Andrea had pulled him closer enough, his face turned to complete terror.

Alex felt a hand slither around her waist, as if steadying her, as Andrea reached her now, smile on his face. "Alexandra. Long time no see."

"Andrea," Alexander was beside her now, face in an exasperated look. "You cannot be stooping this low. Little bunny is a child,"

"He's eighteen, brother." Andrea replied, as if saying the words disgusted him. "Though that term doesn't apply if you kick your blood out for... What? An adopted kid?"

Alexander for the first time, had his eyes as cold as ice as he answered his brother. "You proved to me that blood means nothing. Loyalty does, and Alex has proven that many times."

At those words, Hezekiah appeared beside him, his voice still calm but holding an underlying threat. "If you've come here to cause trouble—"

"Nothing of the sort," Andrea cut in, his  eyes still on Alex. "I just have a little business with little miss perfect."

"Let him go," Talking hurt. Staring at Eros hurt. "This isn't about him."

"Of course not. You know I have nothing I want with a pretty face, but you—" Andrea frowned now. "You were supposed to be with me. Beside me. Not that... Child beside you. I can do better. You know that. Still, if I will not have you, I will make you watch as I stay with yours. Do you remember all those times he lied about where he was? He was with me. Attending to me. And everytime, I hurt him. This boy you treat so preciously, let me degrade and humiliate him for money. That you already have. Can you believe it? Though I imagine he knows because of the fact you're being beaten too. He wanted to join in the fun."

"It's not true!" Marcos suddenly shouted. It was clear on his face that he was at the verge of crying and he wanted to run to Alex but Andrea was keeping him still.

Alex, on the other hand, was slowly feeling numb. Completely numb. She could hear the voices, laughing at her. Telling her that she already knew this. That Marcos, just like Hezekiah didn't love her. Why could he? Even her own Mother didn't. "The punch... To your stomach, was it him?"

Marcos' eyes glistened now. "Alex..."

"I don't get it," She sounded tired. "Wasn't Julian hurting you enough? Why do you let such idiots walk over you? I tell you so many times, that you're worth it. That you're too good for this. Is it that... You just never believe me?"

"No." Marcos was shaking his head. "I believe you. I always—"

She couldn't hear him. The place began to spin around for a bit and when she opened her eyes, Paris was holding her, his face staring at hers. "Alex? Are you okay?"

"No," Her voice came out low as she pressed her face to his chest. "I want to go."

"Alex? Alex, what's wrong?" She could hear his voice growing distant now. "Andrea, let me go!"

"Marcos—"

"Leave him." She cut in, voice soft. "I don't... Want to see him."

"Take her." She could tell it was Hezekiah's voice. "Xander and I will get him back."

Paris did as he said, getting her into his car and driving her off to her place. Alex stayed quiet, staring outside the window till they arrived. She walked out, closing the door quietly before he turned and stepped beside her, holding her hands. "I can stay—"

"Alone." She cut in. "I'd... Call."

He stared at her for a few seconds and nodded,giving her a kiss on the forehead and letting her go.

Alexandra walked into her house, still acting like she was in a daze, took off her dress and sat in her bathtub as the voices grew louder.

Lies. That's all they ever do. Lies!

He never loved you. That's why he kept staying away. That's why he lied. No one loves you. It's the sex. You know it.

You're the reason everything is like this!

Read!

Marcos did this for a reason and Andrea took the opportunity because he wanted to hurt you! It's your fault.

It's your fault.

It's your fault.

It's your fault.

"Stop!" Alexandra screamed now, slamming her hand into the water before letting more tears coming out her eyes.

She wasn't sure how long she sat there, but after a while, she walked out and changed into a sweater and sweatpants then walked towards Adriana's room.

She didn't know what to expect but at that moment, all she wanted was her Mom, and even if she was drunk to remember Alex, she didn't care, she'd hold her.

Still, she had not expected to find Adriana sprawled face down on the floor, a sickly smell in the air.

"Mom?" Alex asked, kneeling on the floor now as she turned her Mother over. Her blood running cold when she saw the foam coming out of her Mother's mouth and empty pill bottles beside her.

Alex's pill bottles.

And right beside it, was a note that said, 'It was all your fault.'

She screamed.

~

Um...

Okay.