25

Falling - Harry Styles

~

Alia stared at her reflection in the mirror, small pants leaving her lips while steam coated the surface as she did so. She had brushed her hair to perfection, her porcelain skin glowing under the light of her room and though it was late at night, she still had light make-up on.

She felt... More beautiful than she had ever looked before, even though she was dressed in such drabby clothes, this clothes being her pyjama pants, but Alex... Alex used to like them.

She wondered if the female would still like them though, it had been... So long.

Alia looked at her clock, taking in a gulp as she did so. It was already seven forty-five. Fifteen minutes before she would come.

If she did.

At Adriana's funeral, she had slipped a note to the twins to give to her when they hugged her, which she was sure they did, but she doubted that Alex would actually... Honour that.

She had asked in the note if Alex could come to her room, at the exact date it was presently, at eight pm. Alia still wasn't sure what had possessed her to do such a thing, perhaps because... Because seeing Alex like that, reminded her of the first time they had met.

They were both in elementary school, Alia, being the Congressman's daughter giving her a higher stature and everyone treated her nicely and Alex who... Who liked to stay on her own and play by herself because apparently, girls didn't like fighting in mud and boys thought girls were disgusting.

A small smile came to her face as she remembered it. One day, she had been playing with her new barbie doll and some boy had grabbed it from her, refusing to give her and it seemed Alex had been looking for an opportunity to hurt someone because she did.

Badly.

It even seemed like Alex was going to get suspended for it but Alia convinced her Dad to let him protect her and eventually, the next day when the girl returned with bandages over her face and hand, Alia had asked her to be her friend.

For years, they stuck together. Alex being the Mother Alia never had the chance to meet, constantly taking care of her as her Father was always too busy and sometimes, when Alia was really sick, she'd bring over her twin siblings and they would all play with her.

Yet, with every year, Alia knew what Adriana was doing to Alex, and no matter how many times she tried to help, Alex always swore that she was fine.

When they got into High School, Alex... Changed. She became friendlier. Livelier. And Alia... Alia had to stay in the background, partly because she didn't want to lose her best friend, though she got hurt being called Alex's little bitch.

Still, she should have known all of that had been Alex's coping mechanism with everything that was going on at home. It seemed to make her forget, at least a little, of the fact her Mother was constantly criticizing her.

And then one day, at a truth or dare party, Alia had been dared to kiss Alex and Alex, who everyone knew was Pan, she never tried hiding it, told Alia she didn't have to if she didn't feel comfortable.

But Alia kissed her eventually.

And it opened a doorway she didn't know existed.

She was gay.

For years, she wondered why she never felt anything for a boy, but kissing Alex, it was suddenly so clear that she had been searching in the wrong place and it terrified her to the core.

Unlike Alex, she wasn't brave. And she didn't have the courage to pretend like everything was fine. Everything was definitely not fine. She couldn't be gay, anything but that. Bisexual maybe? Because Pansexual seemed too far away for her.

So she asked her best friend for help, this help being an experiment.

"You want us to have a secret relationship, while you go out with boys to see if you're really gay?" Alex asked, hands folded.

To anyone, it would have sounded silly, but she never made anything sound bad. She always acted so cool with everything. It was one thing Alia loved about her. "It's just... I can't— I can't just accept it. I don't know what to do, and there's— no one I trust—"

"Alright,"

Alia stared at her, eyes wide. "Really,"

Alex nodded. "I'd be your... Lab rat. If it means kissing you. Do we also get to do other things? Make out? Boob touching? Head? Sci—"

Alia quickly clamped a hand on her friend's mouth. "Ahhh, don't be too forward. It's unbecoming of a female."

Alex took her hand off her mouth and placed on her face, saying softly, "So is asking if I can kiss you too forward?"

It was. It was too forward, but she felt her head nodding before her mouth could say no and felt Alex's lips crash on hers.

For weeks, Alia was in heaven. Alex worshipped her, loved her in a way that being in a relationship with a boy seemed... Pointless, especially since she couldn't even feel anything for them in the first place but she never told Alex that, pretending constantly she was always enjoying her dates though her friend never argued.

In secret, they fucked like rabbits, made love like they couldn't bear being without each other and cared for each other like it was what they were meant to do with their lives.

Until the incident.

Alex had suddenly cut herself off from all of them, though she still came over to Alia's place every night, sneaking through her window and spending time with her. No matter how many times she asked why she was suddenly away from them, Alex refused to tell her, always saying that she would be fine.

And then one day, for a week, she didn't come to school and didn't come over to Alia's place.

She had cried, every night, and worried constantly. She knew Alex's house but Alex didn't like her going there and she didn't return her texts.

Then one day, the rumours began.

Alex was mentally ill.

Her parents were divorced.

Her Mother was sick in the head.

Her Father was sicker.

And Alex... Returned after the rumour started. She was thinner, colder, but when she saw Alia, she always brightened up. She always looked happy. And Alia felt glad that she could help her, for once.

Until one day, Alex walked to her during cheer practice, dragged her to the bathroom and said, "I can't do this anymore,"

There was one thing that Alia knew she couldn't do and as she blinked, her eyes were rapidly trying to blink away tears that were threatening to fall as she said, "W-What?"

"I can't keep avoiding you during the day," Alex said, "I need you constantly. Especially now. I can't — It's hard alone. No one is talking to me. And it's not that I want them to but I just... I just need a friend right now,"

Alia swallowed, her chest pumping hard now as she said, "So you're saying w-what? That we should... We should go public?"

"Well, yes," Alex stared, her eyes crinkling at the sides. "You don't... You don't want that?"

"I—" Alia couldn't breathe properly. Her life was finally back to it's perfect state. Even though it was lonely, she was the Queen Bee as Alex had stepped down and... And everyone was looking up to her.

Unlike Alex, she had nothing going for her except her pretty face. She wasn't tough, or smart, or impervious to hurtful words. She felt. She was sensitive. And she couldn't imagine them seeing her different. "How can you expect that?"

The shocked look on Alex's face was enough to make her heart stop for a second. "What? I thought— I thought that we—"

"You always like to take control of things, and I get that, you like being organized," Her mouth was rambling fast, so her heart wouldn't be able to catch up and shut her up. "But you can't out me if I'm not ready,"

"I— I just thought that you'd understand. I can't... I can't always be alone. It hurts. I miss you constantly, Lia"

Alia tried to fight down the tears coming. "So what now? You're trying to guilt trip me?"

"What?"

"You're Pansexual. You get to— You get to have a boyfriend, or girlfriend, if you want. Unlike me that can't even fucking choose," She snapped. "You can decide to have a boyfriend and be normal—"

"You're normal, Alia. It doesn't matter what they say,"

Alia closed her eyes for a second, her heart now burnings as she said, "Someone as abnormal as you has no idea what normal is,"

She couldn't see Alex, but she could sense it. The change in the air, and when she opened her eyes, Alex had a smile on her face, her head nodding as she sighed and placed her head on her temple. "Yeah. Why should I ever have thought that you'd risk your perfect life for me?"

Then she faced Alia, and though the smile was still there, her eyes were glossy. "I hope you always remain happy, Alia... It's all I've ever wanted for you," And she walked away.

She on the other hand, stood in that place, her stomach suddenly hurting like she just got knead in the gut as she gasped, resting on the wall, the tears she had been holding in pouring out as she tried her hardest not to scream.

Perhaps it hurt so much because Alex had so easily let her go, or because she did not shout at her or because she was so in love with her that her mind and soul was violently fighting at her for daring to send her away.

Alia felt a tear slip down her eyes and she quickly brushed it away. It didn't matter now. What happened, happened. Plus, she had tried getting on her good side by telling her all the secrets she knew of the popular kids and hers as well, so she could use it to blackmail them.

She had paid her debt.

A little of it.

There was a knock on her window, and she gasped, turning, her breath hitching as she watched Alex slide it open and enter, her eyes moving around the room before they landed on Alia and she said softly with a smile on her face, "Nothing has changed, has it?"

In a flash, Alia was out of her chair, charging into her arms and hugging her so tightly Alex had to hold until the wall.

The tears fell more now but she didn't care. She held unto her like she was a lifeline and Alex let her, rubbing her back as the time passed before she pulled away, hurriedly brushing away her tears and staring around. "Y-Yeah, you know I'm not a fan of change,"

Alex nodded. "Yes, you always forgot where you kept your things if something was arranged in a new order,"

"And you always had to mark everywhere with a post-it note so I wouldn't forget," Alia heard herself say, before saying, "Sit, please,"

She did.

Alex was... Different than last time. The tense shoulders, hunched back, stiff aura was gone. It was replaced with something... Empty. Like all the possible things that made Alex, Alex, was... Gone.

"Do you want anything?" Alia asked, "Tea? Biscuits?—"

"No," She cut in, her voice soft. "Why did you tell me to come?"

Why did she tell her to come?

Alia's hand moved to her back, twisting and turning themselves as a smile came to her face, her body rocking. "H-Honestly, I don't know why. I already thought you wouldn't come so I just— I just planned on winging it. But now that you're here..."

She looked at her now, trying to make her smile brighter. "I think it's time I try paying up my debt,"

"Debt? You don't have a—"

"Shh," Alia cut in, giggling now. "You always have a hard time accepting things. Just relax and we'd get to it," Then she ran to her wardrobe, bringing out three books. "Photo albums!"

"There are three of those?"

Alia nodded, running to join her on the bed before plopping beside her and placing them on her laps. "I have photos of you since the day you were six. Photos that I'm sure you don't have,"

"Yeah, Mother burnt all my pictures," She replied, quietly, opening them.

Though she wanted to ask why, she didn't. It wasn't a time to make Alex think of that woman, so she instead, she stared at the albums and suddenly pointed at a picture of them. "Look! God, you were so cute!"

"Cute?" Alex chuckled.

It was Alia's birthday. Both of their birthdays actually. They were both eight, Alia in a blue Cinderella dress copy and Alex in a fairy godmother outfit.

"Oh we looked so adorable," Alia said, pouting.

"Remember how you cried because your shoes weren't glass?" Alex asked.

Alia laughed, nodding. "Yeah, and then— Then you said I should get mad at you because it was you that didn't have enough magic to make it that way,"

"And you banned me from eating your cake."

"But I still snuck some for you before you left though," Alia pointed out. "You always liked to eat cake. Do you still eat them?"

"Food is food," Alex said, her voice going quiet again.

Oh, right, Adriana never let her eat a lot.

"More pictures, more pictures," Alia said, flapping through the pages before bringing out the second book  "Ha! Look at this one,"

"This was our first make-up tryout," Alex said.

Alia nodded, puffing her chest. "Yeah, you were my first customer,"

Alex looked like a clown, but in a sense, the prettiest clown you'd ever find. Her hair, when she was younger, was fuller and curlier,and she liked to pack it in a full bun, letting two curly strands bounce around her face.

They were both thirteen at the time.

"It refused to come off though,"

"What did you expect from a man that didn't know what a thirteen year old was doing with make-up but wouldn't dare upset her," Alia said, "But God, I still have no idea what the hell that was because it clearly wasn't makeup."

"Yeah, I— I had a hard time taking it off,"

Alia remembered something else again.

After that day, Alex had returned with her face bruised and raw, like she had scrubbed her face so hard by doing it... Except she was bleeding as well. And of course, there was a hand bruise around her neck.

She coughed, flipping again before taking up the last book, them going through it, laughing and chuckling at certain places before they saw the last one.

Alia hurriedly tried to close it but Alex stopped her, her eyes staring at it.

It was a picture she had taken of Alex when she wasn't aware, actually, after the first day she has managed to convince her to sleep over.

In it, her full fluffy hair was spread all over her face, her body in an awkward angle, in a onesie that Alia made her wear, the female who was kissing her forehead with a loving look in her eyes.

Under it was the word: 'Don't forget it's a video! You forget too much if Alex doesn't tell you. Silly girl,'

Alex turned to her. "Where's the video?"

Alia kept her head down, voice low. "I deleted it,"

"Alia."

She flinched at the voice and then gave her her phone.

Alex took it, and unfortunately, she didn't have a password, and as she opened it, she went to her gallery, searching through it before stopping at the locked section and saying, "Open it,"

She didn't want to, but she did.

The video was the only thing there.

Alex stared at it for a few seconds before opening it.

The first thing that came up was Alia videoing her as she walked to the bed, cooing, then sat on it, cuddling next to her and saying into the camera, "Don't tell anyone, but I love this girl so much. I— I never thought anyone would make me feel as... Myself, if it weren't for her. Honestly, she's so perfect," Then she turned to Alex, placing the kiss on her forehead, before she pulled away, petting her hair. "So— So after a lot of thought, I'm going to celebrate our birthday together. I've made this albums I'm sure she'd love and when she reaches the last one, she'd see the picture telling her to come this video and then..."

Alia on the phone smiled and turned to the screen. "I'd ask her to be my girlfriend." Then back to sleeping Alex. "Because I'm not sure what I'd do without her."

And the video ended.

Alia had tears in her eyes as she stared at her phone, Alex staring at it for a while before turning to her. Her eyes were twitching but she didn't let any fall. "You— You were serious,"

She nodded, sniffing as she let out a nervous laugh. "Yeah. I really was going to, but then you went away for a week and when you returned, things weren't the same—"

"I was in not in a right state."

"In school, Alex, everyone was finally noticing me. If I dated you, you'd be their sole focus again and I— I wasn't going to out myself looking like your toy,"

"Alia," Alex breathed out, like it hurt her to even say her name.

"I knew you wouldn't let that happen but I was scared," She said, shaking her head now as she looked down. "I was so scared that—"

"Alia."

She looked up at Alex now. The female had her face twisted, like she was about to explode as she said under her breath, "I never lied to you. How I felt, I never lied."

"I know—"

"Then why?" She sounded hurt. Broken. But before Alia could say anything, she was standing, staring down at her with iciness in her eyes. "It doesn't matter. It's been so long ago," Then she turned to the window and began to walk to it. "Good—"

"Wait,"

Alia was behind her, her arms wrapped around her body as she said, "We— We aren't going to end today like this. Today's different. We both know it is. I won't— I won't let you leave upset with me,"

Alex stood, unmoving, her body frozen completely before Alia felt her take in a breath, then exhale, her body relaxing before she said quietly, "Okay, but after today, don't expect me this way with you anymore."

Alia felt her heart crack a bit but she nodded, "Okay,"

Now, they both laid on her bed, Alia cuddled into her body as Alex stroke her hair like she always did before. "What happened to you and Elle?"

"She was just bi-curious," Alia replied softly. "She wasn't really—"

It had felt freeing to kiss a girl that wasn't Alex after such a long time, but of course, it had to be someone that was just doing it for fun, not because she cared, and though Elle never promised to tell anyone, Alia knew it was a matter of time before she let the cat out of the bag.

"And Paris?"

Alia looked up at her. "We— We never officially broke up. He just— Suddenly stopped talking to us. I— I don't know why though. Do you?"

Alex stared, hand still brushing her hair before saying, "No, I don't."

She nodded, cuddling closer before saying, "I'm sorry about your Mom. I— I knew you cared about her."

"You're the only one that never spoke a bad word about her," Alex said, "Or thought it. To you, you just never thought too much of her hurting me, as long as you had me alive by yourself."

Alia immediately looked at her again. "That's not—"

"It helped, because— Because with you, I could always pretend everything was fine. It was one thing we were both good at. Pretending that everything is fine, until... Until we can't anymore."

She stayed quiet again, her heart pounding violently in her chest. She could feel Alex let out another exhale on her head before hearing her say, "Thank you. For being my best friend. And for this."

Alia let out a sarcastic scoff/laugh. "I brought you here to cheer you up."

"I remembered the fun times I had with you. It did cheer me up more than you know, Alia," Then she raised her chin up to look into Alex's eyes as the female said quietly, "Happy birthday."

Again, her eyes began to tear up. "Happy—"

Alex placed a hand on her lips, stopping her as she said, "I changed my date on my birth certificate. Mother... Hated celebrating it and you were the only one that made it fun enough. After what happened, it was hard for me to want to celebrate it ever again, much less talk about it. But... But someone wanted to know badly and I didn't want it to be a lie so I changed the date. Today's not my birthday anymore, Alia."

"So we—" She tried to swallow, but it was harder to this time. "We don't— We don't share birthdays anymore,"

Alex shook her head.

"Oh," Alia felt her chest tighten now the more she tried to breathe. "That— That hurts more than it should."

"Lia—"

"But it's okay," She cut in, smiling now though tears were falling from her eyes again. "You can— Do whatever you want, with your life. Your birthdate... It's none of my business. Mhm,"

What had she been expecting? That everything was going to be fine? Easy? That all this pain wouldn't happen?

She felt her reach out and wipe away her tears with her thumbs. "Don't cry, it's okay."

"I'm so sorry, Alex," She couldn't stop the waterfall from coming out. "I should have stayed by your side. I should have been there for you. It's so hard being alone with no one to trust. You didn't deserve that,"

"If all of that didn't happen, I wouldn't have met them," She replied. "So truly, I'm not very upset. I guess I— I was a bit overwhelmed, but not upset. It's going to be fine. You'd be fine,"

"Honest?"

"Have I ever lied to you?"

She shook her head. "N-No,"

"Then I'm not," Alex answered, smiling now. "I promise."

~

I was so close to making this all a dream, or it really was a dream, or maybe... Maybe Alia went for a party to get high and thinking of Alex brought this up. Or worse, she's dead and all of this is her in coma.

Whatever happened, let your imaginations have fun with it.

Oh, by the way, my friend has a book, NOT on Wattpad and she needs readers so I said, hey, I have a book that people read so they should probably check it out.

So CHECK IT OUT.

Here is the link: https://act.cdreader.com/readeract/moboReader/index.html?bookid=30171322#/

Thank you!

Oh and note, we have five more chapters to go, hehe.