CH. 29

When Willa opened her eyes the next morning into the blinding rays of sun peeping through Nate's blinds, she momentarily forgot where she was. For a split-second, she stiffened. His chest was flush against her back, keeping her pleasantly warm even as her legs had partially kicked off the sheets to keep cool. His arm was draped over her hip; she could count each and every single strand of his arm hair.

A smile twitched her lips and she wiggled slightly against him. She felt his laugh before she heard it. Nate's chest rumbled and she felt his stomach muscles contract against her spine. It was intimate beyond words; for a writer, she suddenly had no words to describe how happy she was, how at peace.

"What are you thinking about?" his voice rumbled, low.

"Nothing." She played with his fingers.

"I can feel you thinking," he countered.

Willa buried her face in his pillow to hide her smile. "Are you saying that I drove your senses so wild that you're actually capable of reading my mind?"

Nate lightly touched her shoulder. "Don't deflect."

The smile faded from Willa's face and she sat up, taking the sheet with her. He barely knew her and yet he knew that she was deep in thought. "I was just thinking about how things have changed for us both."

He was silent, gazing at her with undivided attention which prompted her to continue.

"I don't know if I should take Jackie's offer," she admitted, drawing her knees up to her chin. It was the first time she had said it out loud. Self-doubt had been sinking into her pores ever since she'd spoken to her parents. Was this the right way to publish her first book? Would this be the battle line that would make it impossible to ever go back to her friends? Did she even want to?

"Why wouldn't you?" He looked bewildered.

"I don't really feel like I earned it."

Nate propped himself up on his elbow. "What do you mean?"

"I guess...I thought my friends would have been happier for me when I finished my story, you know? I thought that's what friends were there for, to support you and be happy for you." She chewed her bottom lip. "One of my friends, Cynthia, she feels a little used."

"I don't follow." Nate's expression was pensive. "Why wouldn't she be happy for you?"

"She didn't like the portrayal of one of the characters."

"You can't please everyone." Nate flopped back onto the bed, stretching his arms out before interlocking them behind his head. "You have to write for you, not for them."

"My friends expect me to listen to them." That was their relationship in a nutshell. Cyn said date Luke, and Willa dated Luke. Willa wasn't sure whether she wanted to stick it out, but Cyn insisted Luke was a good fit for her, so Willa listened. Maryam said tell Cyn about the book before Willa was ready and like some sort of idiot, Willa had gone along with it.

"They always expect to get their way," Willa realized out loud.

"They suck," Nate said, his eyes closed.

Her eyes flashed to him. Normally she would chew out anyone who dared to speak against them, but instead, she felt a great, big, bubbling laugh in her chest. Was this what being happy felt like?

"Is that why you don't mention them?" Nate wondered curiously, opening his eyes to look at her.

"Pretty much." She lay down next to him, snuggling into his side when he gestured for her to move closer. "Are your friends happy for you?"

"What friends?" he laughed. "Okay, well, not strictly true. I have friends but...we're not really friends? They're more like drinking buddies. People I watch games with. After high school it's really hard to be friends with people."

"I think that, too," Willa whispered.

"They don't really know that I'm a writer." Nate's voice was low. "I don't think they would understand."

"Maybe you're underestimating them," said Willa, tracing circles on Nate's abs.

"It's hard to explain." Nate buried his face in Willa's hair. She could feel his hot breath tickling her scalp.

"Try," she prompted.

"Well, aren't all friendships selfish at their core nature? In high school we need friends who are similar to us so we feel less alone. We pick people who give us something that we can't give to ourselves. In college it's more of the same, only you're not really choosing people because you like them. It's more like you're choosing each other because you have to. You need to eat, so you make cafeteria buddies. You need to get along with your roommate, so you befriend him. You need someone to help you study, preferably someone with better grades who actually understands the material, so you make a study group buddy."

"That's sort of cynical," Willa commented. She felt him shrug.

"Real life isn't like a Friend's episode. You don't live with the same people forever, you don't hang out at the same place for ten years straight, you don't know their every nook and cranny better than you know yourself. People use each other for whatever they need them for, and then it's sayonara."

Willa was silent. Was this how he felt about her, too?

She hadn't realized she had spoken aloud.

"No," Nate said vehemently. "That's why people get married, isn't it?"

"I thought it was love," Willa mumbled.

"Well, yeah. But it's so you get a built-in best friend, too."

"I guess I can understand that." She didn't. Nate's words were so confident and sure, like this had been his manifesto since he was sixteen. She had always had an impression of him as being mellow and approachable, like the real-world's Owen Wilson, but she was now seeing an inflexible, jaded side of him. Willa wasn't sure she understood and she wasn't sure if she liked it.

"Um," Nate began, sounding awkward. "Listen. I was just talking about me. Not you."

Willa shifted away from him, taking the sheet with her. "I know."

"Do you want some breakfast?" he asked.

At her mute nod, he slid his legs out of bed and tugged on his boxers. "You can grab a shower, if you want. I hope you don't mind using my towel, I haven't gotten around to doing laundry."

"That's fine." She smiled at him as he hopped out of bed, bare-chested. "Don't go to any trouble or anything."

"I think I can manage scrambled eggs and toast," Nate said with a good-natured eye roll. Grabbing his clothes from the floor, where he'd dropped them last night, he yanked on his hoodie and jeans.

"And he cooks too!" Willa pretended to swoon.

"Hold it!" Nate exclaimed. He pulled his phone out of his jeans.

Self-consciously, Willa shied away. "Nate, I don't think," she began, but he cut off.

"Don't freak," he said, sitting down on the bed next to her. "Let's commemorate."

"Um, okay, I guess."

He pressed his face against hers, grinning broadly. Their faces looked back at them on the screen of his phone. Nate, bright-eyed and happy. Perfect, white teeth. Willa, pale and raccoon-eyed from not removing her mascara. Her hair was wild and tousled in a way that she couldn't manage even on her best hair day. She looked flushed and just-fucked, she realized. The mythical morning-after glow that people talked about. Willa bit her lips to give them some color.

CLICK!

"Perfect," Nate enthused, looking down at the picture. He turned to her, smiling. "I really like you, Willa."

"I like you too." Her words were shy and she couldn't quite meet his eyes.

He didn't notice, already halfway out the door. "It'll be ready in ten minutes," he called over his shoulder. "You can use my razor and whatever else, if you need to."

Willa nodded, even though he couldn't see her - then froze. Why was he offering her his razor? Her hands immediately went to her legs, rubbing vigorously. Nope, there didn't seem to be stubble. "Ugh." She raked her hands through her hair, wincing at the tangles she encountered. If she was still friends with Maryam and Cyn she would have texted them to ask whether Nate's words were code for "I want to do it again after breakfast, so get ready"? Maryam would have tsked-tsked at her but ultimately offered her advice, while the more experienced Cyn would have been able to translate boy-lingo immediately.

Maybe Nate was right after all. Willa used her friends, too.

Author's Note: Don't forget to comment/vote if you liked this chapter! I'd love to know your thoughts about where you think the story is heading!

Also, do you agree with Nate that friends use each other? To what extent do you think he's right or wrong?

Oh, and go check out my other ChickLit/New Adult story, A Marriage of Convenience! I promise you, it is a wild ride and totally different from this story. Although I think you guys will like the protagonist, Charlotte, as much as Willa. :D

Links below.