CH. 32

Midway through editing chapter five of her novel, Willa gave in. Her phone, idly sitting next to her, had been taunting her all throughout the day. She clicked the Instagram app on her phone and peered through the never-ending, steady stream of colorful, sharp images that flooded her screen. Girls with perfect hair with small chests and even smaller waists; girls and their dogs; girls and their boyfriends; children playing; makeup hauls and eyeliner tutorials. Instagram had everything.

Including her best friend.

Near the top of the notification screen was a picture of Maryam and Cyn, cups of frozen yogurt in their hands. Cyn's hand was extended, because she was taking the picture, and Maryam's hand was digging to her yogurt with the teensy, 3-inch plastic spade-spoon. Both girls were looking right at the camera, their eyes shiny and happy.

Like they didn't miss her at all.

Loss slammed into Willa, sinking through her bones and into her belly, settling like a hollow pit in her abdomen. They didn't even look bothered that she wasn't there. Ordinarily, Maryam would have been in the middle, Cyn and Willa flanking her on either side. Cyn would have been quibbling about which was the best angle, Maryam would have stolen a gummy worm off the top of Willa's yogurt, and Willa would have been trying hard to get her smile in place before Cyn took the picture.

She sighed. Things were different now. She didn't know how she was supposed to feel. Some days it hurt and other days it didn't. Willa drummed her thumb against the screen, unable to tear her eyes away from Cyn's stupid, stupid face. As usual, she had coated every inch of her skin with makeup, but there was no denying that the blonde was gorgeous.

"Who's that?" Nate had popped up behind her, a mug of steaming tea cradled against his chest.

"Oh, um," Willa began to say, shielding the phone from view, but it was too late.

"Insta-stalking?" Nate teased, sinking down onto the chair next to her. He used his pinky to point at her phone. "Your friends?"

"Yeah." With a chagrined smile, Willa turned the phone to face him.

"Cute," he acknowledged, his eyes flicking over the girls' faces with interest. "So what's up? Why didn't you go with them to get"—he squinted at the name printed on the cup—"froyo?"

"That would have required an invite," Willa replied dryly, turning her phone off. Immediately, the screen went black.

"Who needs an invite?" Nate was incredulous. "Just show up."

"I can't do that!" Willa said, hiding her unease with a laugh. "No one does that. That's so creepy."

Nate took a deep swallow of his tea, sputtering when the liquid was too hot. "Needs to cool," he muttered, pushing the mug away from himself. "People totally do that," he continued, "that's why people use social media. So everyone knows what they're doing and who they're doing it with."

"Yeah, so they can show off, not so that people who stalk their social can go find them," Willa said, punctuating the sentence with an eye roll. "Anyway, who said I even wanted to go?"

Nate smiled, and it was a smile that reached his eyes and tugged at Willa's heart. "Because we're still having this conversation," he said, voice gentle.

Willa clamped her lips shut. Ugh. She hated it when he was so observant. Not really, though, because it was actually pretty sweet of him to notice.

"Is everything okay with you guys?"

She didn't know how to answer that. Telling him anything more than what she'd already divulged would mean explaining about Cyn. About Hanna. About the book. About how it had all come apart right when Willa thought her life was coming together. "Not really," she said, opting for the most truthful answer.

"How come?"

She looked at him. He was so earnest in his desire to help that she almost found herself wanting to tell him. But she couldn't. Not yet. Maybe not ever. Willa liked that Nate was hers, all hers. He was someone who wasn't touched by Maryam and Cyn's presence. He was on Willa's side and only Willa's side. Telling him about her relationship with them would be like letting them touch Nate, too. It was just so nice having someone who was all hers, who wouldn't sway to Cyn when the mood struck him.

"Do they even know about me?" Nate asked, this time, looking less concerned and more confused.

"Why should they?" said Willa, the words snappier than she'd intended. Seeing the surprise flare in his eyes, she amended her sharp words with a smile. "It's not like it's a secret. It's just that we don't really talk much these days."

"Because of the book? Willa, I get that they don't agree with your book, but isn't this going too far?"

"Not really," she said. "This has been a long time coming, I think."

"It sounds weird," Nate ventured after a pregnant pause. "I don't know."

"Yeah, you don't know," Willa retorted. "Nate, trust me when I say that they're not important."

He got up, taking his mug with him. "I'm going to read for a bit."

Well, that was abrupt. "Okay." She had the feeling she'd upset him, but she didn't know how to take it back. It wasn't like she was hiding anything, she just didn't want him prying into people who were no longer in her life. "Want me to join you?"

"If you want."

She watched him retreat to the bedroom, a book tucked under his arm. Did that mean that he didn't want her to? She went after him, entering the bedroom just in time to see him settling himself down. He propped his pillow behind his back and leaned against it, opening his book to the bookmarked page.

He watched her enter, but didn't say anything. Simply watched her, like he knew she wanted to say something, and was giving her the time to say it.

"I'm sorry." The words were tugged out of Willa's mouth. "It's a sore subject with me. They're"—she took a steadying breath—"not my friends anymore."

"Willa, I'm sure that's not true," said Nate, concern drawing his eyebrows together again. He put his book down on his lap and gestured for her to join him.

She did so, slipping between the sheets, but maintaining a distance between them. He thought that she was overthinking it, maybe being a little paranoid and oversensitive. He didn't realize that she'd been the one to make the call. "No, we're not. Because I told them we weren't."

Recognition dawned in his eyes. "Oh."

"Yeah." She stared at his hands. His thin fingers were limp on his thighs and on impulse, she reached out and took his hand. Immediately, she felt his fingers close around hers.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, voice soft. "Is it because of what I said? About friends using each other? Because, Wi, I was just talking about me, how I felt. Not that you should..."

She cut him off. "No, it wasn't because of that." She gave his hand a squeeze.

"Then why didn't you say anything?" he pressed.

"I don't know," she whispered. "I just felt like everything was coming together the way it was supposed to. My book. My life. You. And then this happened. It was just easier not to admit that things weren't as great as I wanted them to be."

He closed his eyes like he was absorbing her words. "Okay."

"Yeah?" Willa's voice was hopeful. "We're good?"

"We're better than good," Nate replied, holding his arm out to her.

She nestled into his embrace and felt him drop a kiss on the top of her head. "We're great," he said, the words hot against the top of her scalp.

Willa smiled, splaying her hand over his chest. "Your tea's probably cool enough to drink," she said.

"Eh, it'll wait a few more minutes," Nate said, tilting her chin up with his pointer finger. His lips devoured hers, coaxing away any of her earlier sadness.

She sank into his embrace, kissing him back with equal fervor until she felt his fingers running up her side. "Just a few minutes?" Willa teased, breaking off the kiss. With a smirk, she slid her hands to the bottom of her top. "I want at least an hour."

Nate laughed, the sound comforting and familiar. "Yes, ma'am," he saluted, helping her take her shirt off the rest of the way.

Author's Note: Aw, I can't help but love Nate, can you? :) Anyone think Willa's making a mistake by not telling Nate the truth? If you were in her place, would you tell him? Or would you be too worried that he'd think you're doing the same thing to Cyn that Paige did to him? Oy, such a conundrum!

Thank you so much for reading! Please don't forget to vote and/or leave a comment :)