Chapter Thirty-Five: Lost In My Mind

I sat helplessly on the floor, my back leaning on the side of the bed. My eyes closed and knees tightly pressed against my chest.

I'm confused. I shouldn't be crying. I should be trying to move on. I was the one who wanted this but why am I the one crying?

Was I wrong to end us?

Was I wrong that I asked him to leave?

Was I wrong for obeying and thinking about what my mother would like even though she made my life a living hell?

Was I wrong that I didn't mean to fall in love along the way?

If I could've just ignored him when I met him. If I could've just moved away. If I could've just resisted him. If I could've known this would happen sooner than I think then I should've prepared myself.

I hate it, the pain, the ache, the emptiness and regret that I'm feeling.

He's my everything and I was his.

We were supposed to be happy but it all ended up in tears.

Its been 4 hours since I last saw him and I feel like I'm already going crazy like I'm withdrawing from some drug I've been using for years and I just couldn't get enough of it that's why now I'm having an episode.

My chest is aching, it feels hollow but it's aching. The taste of his lips is still lingering in my mouth. The warmth of his touch is still igniting on my skin. I knew that once that I move from my position everything will fade, I'm trying to call his name in my head but were just...fading.

Were fading.

My head shot up when I heard a loud banging on my door. Before I could even tell them to go away my door harshly opened, hitting wall behind.

Calum looked frantic like he's just seen a ghost.

"Calum what..what's wrong?" I asked, I don't like what I'm feeling. My heart is racing and I can sense that something bad happened.

"What car does Luke own!?? Did you just talked to him??? Did you see him just now?!" He was being hysterical, he was shouting and shaking me, both his hands on my shoulder.

"I uh-I don't know what car he used. Y-yes he came by a few hours ago. I don't know we talked but uh-Im confused why are y-you asking me these q-questions?" I hiccupped. "He mightve used his black sedan or audi I dont know, Cal. Im not in the mood" I shook my head as I stare unto my feet.

"No no no!" He shouted and I got pretty startled as he stood up. Pacing back and fort. "Y-you have to come with me-" He grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me out of the room.

"Calum, you're hurting me!" I protested trying to jerk my hamd away from him, "You're acting crazy. Im scared, please slow down and tell me what happened-"

"I dont know I just s-saw an ambulance and a c-car wreck not far f-from here. I dont know I have a feeling t-that-"

I yanked my arm away, stopping dead on my tracks.

"W-what are you t-trying to s-say?" I felt like I was punched on my abdomen area.

"The g-guy on the strecher h-he looks like-" He looks shaken up and pale, lips trembling.

I felt an acid pit forming in my stomach, my eyes glossy and starting to tear once more.

"Stop!" I shouted, "You dont know what you're saying!!!" I fisted my knuckles.

"Please-" He begged before placing his hand on the small of my back guiding me down the staircase.

We were about to open the door when we heard the familiar clanking of stilletos against the cold tiled floor.

"Oh how lovely, where do you think the both of you are going?" She asked with her innocent sweet voice obviously pure sarcasm.

"We just need to head out for a bit-" Calum tried to explain in a hurry but was immediately cut off.

"No ones leaving tonight. There's an accident that happened just a few miles away from here and I don't like the both of you leaving this time of the night. We have to make calls with Adelaide, I'm sure the both of you knows that sweet girl. She needs our sympathy right now because his husband is in a critical condition in the hospital. The poor girl is in London, she doesn't even know what's happening." She shooked her head in a displeasing manner which made me cringe.

I don't even know what's going on either.

"What are you s-saying?" I finally got the courage to speak up.

My knees trembling and everything is turning and tossing and spinning.

"What?" She shrugged.

Fear starting to creep under my skin. I didnt want to believe Calum or anyone right now. Did Luke got in an accident? Im too weak to even bother anymore, Luke needs me and I'm so stupid, its all my fault. If I only didnt ask him to leave. I don't want to believe what my mother was saying because 99% of the time all she utters is bullshit. I have to see him for myself before I believe this.

I feel numb..everything is just happening too fast. This has been the longest night for me.

Without anymore hesitation, I opened the door. I heard my mother calling me but I ignored her, Calum ran towards his car and started the engine, I trailed behind him when suddenly I felt a pair of cold hands gripping me by the wrist, nail digging against my skin.

I felt the blood in my veins heating up like they're boiling inside me, without any further a due I took a swing of my hand and it solidly hit my mother on the cheek.

She looked surprised, fuck even I was taken aback by my aggressive action.

"M-mother I-Im-"

"You bitch!" She shouted in rage before slapping me with her back hand and getting back at me. I felt it sting but it was bearable. "I fucking gave you everything and this is how you repay me?" She was in total rage and I couldn't help but get angrier as she speak by the second.

"You have no idea how you made my life a living hell!" I spat.

"How dare you disobey me. You have been nothing but a dissapointment."

"And you have been nothing but selfish!" I retorted.

Its time to get the cat out of the bag. I've been keeping how fucking angry I am to her for more than a decade. There is no holding back, not right now.

"You disrespectful little slut! Where do you think you're going!" She shouted at me once I turn my back to climb up the passenger seat.

"I'm going to see my boyfriend in the hospital, the father of my unborn child!!" I shouted.

She looked at me in disbelief, eyes and skin paler than ever. She looked frozen on where she was standing.

"Yes, I'm pregnant and Mr. Hemmings-..Luke is the father and you have no fucking right to forbid me to not seeing him!"

"You dirty whore," She exclaimed in disgust, "You're the reason he took a divorce with his wife didn't he? Was he the one you eloped with?"

"Yes..mother and you can't do anything about it-"

"I'm your mother, the one who gave birth to you, fed you, let you live in luxury and riches and this is how you repay me?"

I climbed up the seat and shut the door but kept the window down.

"You were never my mother-" I looked at her with disgust, "Move before I ask Calum to fucking run you over!" I shouted and she jumped out of the way.

"Calum please, let's go-" I nudged him and he didn't look at me, he kept his gaze straight ahead as he sped off.

We passed by the car wreck there was nothing left but blood on the tarmac and broken glass, and the solid crack on the wall that separates the asphalt and the woods in a modern type of way.

I closed my eyes and took a deep sigh. My mind is racing and I feel like there's nothing left of me. No pride, dignity, not even feelings.

We were just silently driving and the tension is unbearable. I don't want to speak because I really can't hut I have to. Calum is making it hard for me to breathe he looks mad, dissapointed and..

"When are you planning on telling me?" He yelled.

"Cal I-"

"No, Tatum. I'll do the fucking talking and you're going to fucking listen to me. You're pregnant and you didn't tell anybody?!" He asked in disbelief, "I could have taken care of you! I could've helped you! Look at yourself you're not even eating how are you going to raise your kid if-"

"Please..stop!" I begged weakly. I cried.

I thought I have no more tears but it looks like I have more to shed.

He let out a deep sigh and I didn't bother to look at him again.

As soon as he parked his rover I ran frantically inside the hospital to find anyone who could help me.

I went towards the front desk.

"Please help me..there's a guy brought here by an ambulance. He was in a car accident. Do you know what room he's in?" I asked with tears streaming down my clammy cheeks.

The nurse looked at me and back to her computer, "Do you know the patient's name ma'am?"

I nodded, "Luke..Luke Hemmings-"

He typed a few in the keyboard and sighed, "I'm sorry ma'am but you have to wait in the waiting room on the third floor, he's currently in the operating room."

I felt warm hands on my shoulder.

Calum.

I nodded and ran my way towards the elevator, thankfully the lift was being cooperative and as soon as I could see the word O.R. on two front doors I made haste and opened it only to be stopped by some nurses before I could even open the second door.

Calum was hot on my heels as he tries to stop me.

I was being dragged by the nurses and Calum to stop me from being too aggressive.

"Stop, you're pregnant Tatum. You're going to hurt yourself!" I faintly heard Calum whispering in my ear.

"Ma'am please, calm down. You have to stay here" One of the nurses gushes and I stopped kicking my legs in the air only to realize that everyone was looking at me.

I breathed heavily, panting.

"I-Is he here?" I asked.

"Mr. Hemmings is having an operation. It would be over in a few more hours."

"How is he doing?" Calum suddenly speaks up.

"He's in a critical condition I'm afraid."

"Is h-he..is he going to die? Is he going t-to make it?" I asked more tears streaming down.

"Were trying the best that we can."